PameW

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Here is it, 19 months since Banderella came into my life & body. 19 months of losing weight and regaining my life! The last month has been an interesting one! On October 15th I had breast reduction surgery! I went from a DDD to a small C cup. All I could do when I woke up in my room was look at my chest and say, "what the hell was I thinking" You see, I now have the breasts I had in 5th grade when I went thru puberty! Kind of scary, but now starting to be okay and kind of enjoying it. I can tell you that my back enjoys it. All except for the fact that I have to sleep on my back at the moment. It hasn't been all smooth sailing. There are two spots on my right breast that aren't healing properly and could be because I tried to do too much. This inactivity thing is just not for me. Once upon a time I would enjoy every minute of it. Today that is not an option. I so miss exercise it isn't even funny! I want to go Zumba so very badly that it isn't even funny! The only thing I'm allowed to do is walk. Walk slowly too! UGH! Going from 6-8 hrs a week to practically nothing SUCKS! I will survive the next few weeks I suppose! What choice do I have really? Not much I guess! 

So the funniest part of things is that my weight had not been moving very much in the weeks prior to my surgery. They took off 6 lbs of breast tissue and I've lost an additional 11 lbs since then. Kind of crazy! Not exercising anymore and I'm dropping lbs like I was just banded! Baffles the mind really!

So on to another month of banded living and all the new wonders that await. No pictures of me with my new breasts until I'm out of the compression bra! Maybe for Thanksgiving!

 It is so very unbelievable that  me & banderella have been together for 18 months already! WOW!  18 months and almost 130lbs later, I am loving life! Although my band is just a tool, it has given me the resource and stamina to walk this journey into better health! One thing that banderella has brought me the ability to be cold even though I don't want to be! Saw my internist yesterday and told him that it has been several days of me not being able to get warm! He laughed, looked at my recent blood work, announced it wasn't my thyroid or circulation problem and said, "congrats, you are cold because of the amount of body fat you lost!" So it is the good with the bad huh? I wouldn't change a thing, but damn I'd like to get warm!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone would like to say at 18 months that things are smooth at silk but let me be realistic here with you~I have lost between 3 & 5 lbs here and there and gain in back and lose it again! It has been a struggle recently! I workout like a fiend, others say I workout too much! I can't seem to find that happy medium balance to things! It sucks, but there it is! Most days I eat according to plan, but I am fully aware that I am an emotional eater!! I'm working on it, but nothing like a trip home to Chicago to have me eating a day off program! For the first time in 18 months, I ate pizza! Not just the topping, a slice of pizza! Heaven doesn't even describe it for me! And on the same day, I had a large White Castles Diet Coke! HUGE mistake! I wanted another the next day! Right decision, heck no! But I reigned myself in and got back control! I'm still learning my trigger buttons after all this time! Again, my band is a tool in my stomach, it didn't fix me mentally & emotionally!

One of the best things that is about to happen is next week I will be having breast reduction surgery! Well, I'm supposed to anyway! I'm starting to freak out majorly! I've been big chested since as long as I can remember! I told them I wanted to go to a C cup. For this DDD girl that is A LOT! I held up a C Cup bra and said, "are you kidding me?" So we shall see what the end of the week brings! If I'm just not emotionally ready for it yet, I may postpone it a few months! We shall see I guess! Come next month you may hear we raving about my perky new breasts  My transformation!

Well, it seems that I let that update wiz right past huh?  Just livin' life basically! I've lost about 5lbs in the last month! Is it the best, probably not, but what I do know is lots of fat has been replaced by muscle! So that is a major plus for sure! Since my unfill I have no gone back in for a fill! I feel like I'm right where I need to be. Since I exercise for 6-8 hrs a week, I need to be able to eat a bit more for my body and having even a slight fill will not allow me to be able to do that! Since I majorly stepped up my workouts I did anticipate a bigger lose this month! But with being honest with myself, LOTS of liquid calories in the form of McDonald's Wild Berry Smoothies! Damn them for coming up with something so delicious and carb filled! I was actually rewarding myself after workouts with bad food choices. You know; "I've just worked out on the elliptical and burned 645 calories, what is wrong with a DQ Blizzard" mentality! Bad choices and of course the scale was not nice to me! So I'm learning to eat and fuel my body!

Yesterday was an interesting test for me. Somehow I got thru 3 hrs in the gym. At 8:30am I did a kickboxing class, at 9:30am was my muscleworks strength training class and at 10:30 a new Hip Hop Zumba class I was dying to try! Between the last two classes I was able to eat some almonds & drink a protein drink to help me get thru it. The morning started with the right combination of carbs & protein too! That was the important part!  The hard part was getting in the fuel I needed for the rest of the day! When it is 8pm at night and you enter in your dailyplate and the NET calorie count is 89, you know you are in trouble. I burned a little under what I had eaten. So yesterday became a 2000 calorie day for certain.

The best of all of this, I thought I'd be so very sore today, BUT eating the right food and refueling my body helped my muscles recover nicely and I feel AMAZING today! Am I going to do 3 hrs every Saturday, probably not! But it is AWESOME to know that I can!

The best part of the last 17 months is the fact that I feel amazing! I have not felt this good in so very long! Is that to say that everything is wonderful and fantastic in my life, nope; I just am more happy with myself and therefore can deal with things so much easier now! That in itself is the best gift of all!

 All I can say is OMG! 16 months of banded life already! What a journey this has been! The last month has been me getting reacquainted with myself or should I say, the "new" me! Last night I was looking at photos and cried. I can't believe I looked like that! My face was so swollen that you could hardly see my eyes! I pray that I never return to that place! I feel like I was always this thinner person trapped inside that obese body! Total body dysmorphia for me! 

I'm still so happy that I got that unfill. The heat has been unbearable in St. Louis and I don't think I could have handled being that tight. The doctor's office called and wanted me to come in for a fill and I told them no way! I don't believe I need one at this time. I'm enjoying trying a variety of new recipes & new foods!

So as I keep moving forward, I dedicate myself to continuing to log my food, exercise and water!

I can't believe it has been 15 months since my surgery! WOW oh WOW how time has flown! So what has changed in the last month? Well to start with, I got an unfill a week ago and it was the best decision I ever made! Ahhh to be able to eat a meal again!  I was having a lot of stuck episodes even though I was drinking hot liquids prior to eating so I knew it was time to take the bull by the horns and be proactive. I think my body just needed that food to release some of this weight. Within the week of getting the unfill I dropped 6lbs. The sheer joy of seeing that lower number on the scale!!!!!!! Which leads me to the question;

WHY DO WE OBSESS OVER THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE?

The fact of the matter was, I dropped two sizes in three months. But somehow that was not good enough! I was so focused on the number reading on the scale. Logic told me that all my workouts turned fat into muscle and therefore the scale wasn't moving much! But my heart & soul was upset about some numbers on a scale. So in the coming months, I've vowed to weight myself less and rely on my clothes to gauge things more.

I've also learned that a healthy body needs fruits & veggies as well as just protein. My body feels better when I'm able to eat carrots sticks, enjoy an apple w/ peanut butter, enjoy watermelon on a hot day & delight in a great veggie stir fry. Balance in every aspect makes you far healthier than sticking to only one way of eating! 

So I'm so very close to my goal of fitting into a size 12! They slide up and fit, they just don't zip & snap! And I'm working toward that goal to getting in those pants! Every size after that is a gift to be cherished!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So my goals going into month 16 are to continue working out 5 days a week, continue to drink my 100 ounces a day, weigh myself every two weeks, take all my vitamins, continue to try various recipes and remember to always have a positive attitude!

Love & Hugs to all!

Happy Fourteenth month of banded life for me! As of this week, I have lost 120lbs! Ahhhhh, life is good! For not being able to lose any weight for so very long, it was nice to see movement on the scale. I'm exercising like crazy still. Loving Zumba & Kickboxing and so does my waistline!

Last night some members of my family & myself took part in the Relay for Life! As my 12 yr old neice & I walked the survivor lap I realized how much easier it was to do this as a healthy person. I'm so extremely proud of my sister who has vowed to stay on the track all night until the closing ceremonies at 5am! Even my 3 yr old neice walked 4 miles around the track! And best of all, my 8 yr old neice Liz decided to raise money and vowed that if she raised $75 she would shave her head! She walked around the track collecting money and got to $79 soon to be raised to an even $100. Once we got to the staging area to shave her head, we quickly raised another $75 for a grand total of $175 for the relay but most importantly in support of her sister who has been fighted Hodgkins Disease since January! So now Liz looks just like her sister with her shaved head. Together their hair will grow back in! Tonight I realized that really nothing else mattered! I'm alive, I'm healthy , I'm happy and I am loved!

Every month it gets better! Oh yeah, I'm down another size! That makes 7 sizes! Wohoo! Life is grand!

Today marks my thirteen month anniversary with my band! It's been a journey for certain! Gain three, lose two and so on and so forth! I'm back to journaling my food, water and exercise and trying to figure out what works for me. Some are telling me I'm eating too much and some say from the amount I exercise I'm not eating enough. I'm trying to find that balance. I haven't weighed myself in a week. I was down 4lbs but don't know if it stayed that way or not!

Allergy season has finally hit me with full force and I was tight as can be the last few days and lived on liquids. Today after being on allergy meds for a few days, I'm happy to annouce that I've been able to eat today! Yipee! The key is to get that water down! It makes all the difference for me!

My newest indulgence is ZUMBA! I totally love it and I've been know to drive around to find a class to fit my schedule. Every instructor is different so I feel I'm always getting a different workout. I exercise like crazy but my new goal is to up my cardio workouts. I do kickboxing on Saturday mornings, but I'm going to try and get another kickboxing class in there. Plus I ordered myself a new video that looks really good to me! Plus I'm vowing to hit the elliptical a little harder than I have been doing!

And even though my scale isn't cooperating, I'm seeing changes galore in my body! It was time for new underwear since the ones I had were falling off of me! Plus I got myself some new workout clothes. This chick that once wore a size 3x yoga pants now wears a large and tops used to be 3x-4x are now 1x! Wohoo for me! I can almost get my butt into size 14 jeans too! So even though the scale says the same thing (personally, I think it's broke) the inches are melting off and my body fat content is lower! That number on the scale is all MUSCLE!

So on to the next exciting month in my journey! Love to all!

Yesterday marked my one year bandiversary! I can't hardly believe it has been a year already! A year and 115 lbs! Well, it was 117, but I have one word for you; CADBURY!

I can hardly believe the changes that have happened in the past year for me. There have been tears, joy, frustration, joy, stuck episodes, joy, pbing, joy and excitement for all the things yet to come! This has most definitely been a journey for me. A journey of self discovery for the most part! I learned that cancer didn't define who I was and neither did obesity! I learned to take charge of the things in my life that I felt were holding me back! I no longer want to sit on the sidelines, but participate in the game called life!

I am now an exercise fiend. Never in a million years would anyone have said that about me. But every appointment I have revolves are my workouts and classes. I put my health & fitness first thus putting myself before anyone else. First time in my life & I'm loving it! Everyone asks the key to losing this weight and it is most definitely EXERCISE! It not only helps your metabolism, but it effects your mood! And if you are happy, it makes others happy! So spread the joy I say!

Another thing I've learned recently is that I'm too hard on myself. I'm not perfect and I need to stop trying to make myself perfect. So what I'm not the size I thought I should be. So what that the number on the scale isn't what I thought it should be. The fact of the matter is, it's 115lbs less than I weighed a year ago and it is 5 sizes smaller than I used to be! I feel tremendously better, I move my body more often and frankly, I'm not as cranky as I once was!

So on to my second year of banded life! Since my last fill 3 weeks ago, it has been about remembering the rules that you learned in the beginning! Because believe me, the further away you get from them, the less you remember them! So I'm relearning those and dedicating myself to change up my diet & exercise routine. I've been plateauing for too long and my body needs a good shock to the system to get things moving again! So onward towards my new life! Definitely loving it!

Yesterday I spent my anniversary at the zoo w/ a great friend! It was a beautiful day in St. Louis!

It is so very hard to believe that this weekend was my 11 month bandiversary! WOW! Almost a year. I can't even believe how fast time has flown. So 11 months and 115lbs. I'm pretty psyched about that for sure! Been having some challenges as far as my stress level and how my band reactes to that and it seems that further out from surgery you get to more you forget the rules and start pushing and allowing yourself to eat the things you shouldn't. This weekend was a true test of being with family & friends in Chicago. Didn't know how I'd react to the pressure of eating. But happy to say it went ok! Maybe I didn't always make the best choices, but I resisted bday cake on both Friday & Saturday so I call that successful for sure! The one thing that bit me in the butt were those damn Shamrock Shakes! I'm just a girl from the South Side of Chicago who loves St. Patty's day and the tradition of Shamrock Shakes. I must confess that I had one on the 4 hr drive to Chicago and I had one while I was in Chicago! I managed to work them into my daily calorie/carb count, but felt guilty none the less. I have vowed to stay away from McDonalds and Shamrock shakes until March 31st when the disappear again!

So as I approach my 1 yr bandiversary, I've vowed (albeit once again) to go back to basics, continue my workouts, stop eating slider foods when I'm stressed, be mindful of what I put into my mouth & always remember that food is fuel and not comfort!

Below is a pic of my neice Kari & I that was taken on Saturday, my actually bandiversary! Compared to the other pic in my photos, you will see the major difference this time around!


 

One more month over with! I can't even believe that in two months, I will make a year banded! WOW! The highlight is that I'm totally in the green zone as far as restriction. The unnerving news is that I'm stalled. As many know, I am a fiend in the gym. I workout 4-5 days a week. Yet, no scale movement. I know that I lost 100lbs extremely quickly and I'm gaining a lot of muscle though. The contours from the muscle gain is awesome and I'm in awe when I look at myself in the mirror. With the suggestion and inspiration from others here, I decided to start Couch25K this week! Week 1 finished but probably going to repeat because I'm not "comfortable" 100% with the running as of yet. But I'll get there. In my head I still see myself as 330lbs sometimes and that unfortunately stops me dead in my tracks sometimes when I'm trying to accomplish something. But I'm working on that! My trainer follows me around the guy these days and yells at me that I'm wearing my tshirts too big. He has taken to tying them in the back! Yes, I'm still working out in my 3x tshirts when I'm in an XL now. They are comfy, what do you want me to say? Alex on the other hand yells because he says that no one can see how much I've lost. Okay, but I'm used to being the fat girl and don't want attention and people looking at me~HELLO! But alas, I still let him do it!

What I can tell everyone is that exercise is the best medicine! I can't believe what a mood booster it is! I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of my life.  Right now things are very stressful with my neice who is fighting Hogkin's disease and losing my job, but no matter what, I haven't been depressed. Believe me, I've tried! The endorphin high from exercise is amazing and helped my moods to be leveled and able to deal with all life throws in my path! Crazy to think huh? When I'm in a pissy mood, I take it to the elliptical or take a kickboxing class! Zumba is of couse a favorite because my instructor is crazy and I love music and dancing and who would have thought you'd get such a workout huh? I just wish I would have started the exercise earlier into my journey. So any newbies out there, don't wait~do it now! It's great! And that is from a former couch potato!

Her is hoping that the running starts the scale to moving again! Maybe it is the scale and I just need a new one?