Patty T.
Anger
Nov 06, 2007
I've been trying to make small changes to prepare myself for a new life. One of my big issues is codependency. I'm trying to learn to ask for help. I've been making chore lists for my family for years, but when the family was just DH, his 24-year old son and I, the guys just ignored my lists.
Clay's 20 year old daughter has been living with us since July. It's nice having another female around and she pays attention to the list. That's a big difference. However, seeing the difference between her behavior & the guys' is making me very pissed off at the boys, especially my stepson.
On Friday I made a list for all 3 of them. I thought it might be a better exercise to not assign chores to a specific person, but let them negotiate. I starred the items I *really* wanted done.
None of the 3 of them work outside the home. I do. Hubby is disabled from a car accident from before we met. Stepson has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of high-functioning autism. Stepdaughter is bi-polar. Lovely.
When I came home from work on Friday, I saw that most of the kitchen chores had been done before Kimberly left for a concert in Portland, but I couldn't find the list. I asked DH where it was and he professed ignorance of its existence. I finally found it on Saturday - it had gotten buried when he was moving stuff. Only Kimberly had worked on it.
So on Sunday when Kimberly is back and rested enough to be human, I find out that not only was she the only one working on the list, but she specifically tried to get DH and brother off their asses. They did know about the list. They ignored both the list and Kimberly's attempts to get them to participate.
I had filled and run the dishwasher early Sunday morning. Emptying it is my stepson's job. He has a history of not doing it promptly and then the sink and counters get full of dirty dishes. So around 10:30 I tell him I need a few minutes of his time. Now we are not allowed to talk to him if he is busy on his computer - that is his rule that I disagree with, but hubby says I have to let it be. I am allowed to ask for his attention when he has time.
While I'm waiting for him to grant me an audience, Kimberly and I are playing with the dog and talking. He joins in. After the conversation is over, I figure I can now infringe on his world - after all, he's now disengaged from his computer. No, he says, he's not ready for me.
So to shorten this up, a disagreement --> an arguement --> yelling --> physical confrontation --> ends up Clay pulling me off the "kid" before I throttled him. My anger was totally out of proportion to what happened, but in all honesty, I really dislike this kid. He is lazy, rude and has a horrible stench.
For years his father excuses all his bad behavior, telling me it is due to his disability. My therapist says not so. Many Asperger's people need help with some things, but Jarid has learned that if he is unpleasant and throws tantrums, his dad will back off and he can do whatever he wants. I'm really sick of it. I was ready to leave on Sunday afternoon.
I want this kid out of my house. I think it would be better for all of us.
I was pretty out of control. And all I was trying to do was make my needs known. I feel like I have to fight to get any consideration. I'm not allowed to tell Jarid that he has to leave if he doesn't follow the house rules. I'm not even allowed to make rules. THis sucks and I'm mad.
But that doesn't help. All it did was give me a migraine.
Clay's 20 year old daughter has been living with us since July. It's nice having another female around and she pays attention to the list. That's a big difference. However, seeing the difference between her behavior & the guys' is making me very pissed off at the boys, especially my stepson.
On Friday I made a list for all 3 of them. I thought it might be a better exercise to not assign chores to a specific person, but let them negotiate. I starred the items I *really* wanted done.
None of the 3 of them work outside the home. I do. Hubby is disabled from a car accident from before we met. Stepson has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of high-functioning autism. Stepdaughter is bi-polar. Lovely.
When I came home from work on Friday, I saw that most of the kitchen chores had been done before Kimberly left for a concert in Portland, but I couldn't find the list. I asked DH where it was and he professed ignorance of its existence. I finally found it on Saturday - it had gotten buried when he was moving stuff. Only Kimberly had worked on it.
So on Sunday when Kimberly is back and rested enough to be human, I find out that not only was she the only one working on the list, but she specifically tried to get DH and brother off their asses. They did know about the list. They ignored both the list and Kimberly's attempts to get them to participate.
I had filled and run the dishwasher early Sunday morning. Emptying it is my stepson's job. He has a history of not doing it promptly and then the sink and counters get full of dirty dishes. So around 10:30 I tell him I need a few minutes of his time. Now we are not allowed to talk to him if he is busy on his computer - that is his rule that I disagree with, but hubby says I have to let it be. I am allowed to ask for his attention when he has time.
While I'm waiting for him to grant me an audience, Kimberly and I are playing with the dog and talking. He joins in. After the conversation is over, I figure I can now infringe on his world - after all, he's now disengaged from his computer. No, he says, he's not ready for me.
So to shorten this up, a disagreement --> an arguement --> yelling --> physical confrontation --> ends up Clay pulling me off the "kid" before I throttled him. My anger was totally out of proportion to what happened, but in all honesty, I really dislike this kid. He is lazy, rude and has a horrible stench.
For years his father excuses all his bad behavior, telling me it is due to his disability. My therapist says not so. Many Asperger's people need help with some things, but Jarid has learned that if he is unpleasant and throws tantrums, his dad will back off and he can do whatever he wants. I'm really sick of it. I was ready to leave on Sunday afternoon.
I want this kid out of my house. I think it would be better for all of us.
I was pretty out of control. And all I was trying to do was make my needs known. I feel like I have to fight to get any consideration. I'm not allowed to tell Jarid that he has to leave if he doesn't follow the house rules. I'm not even allowed to make rules. THis sucks and I'm mad.
But that doesn't help. All it did was give me a migraine.
Taking Care of ME first - why so hard?
Nov 02, 2007
Why is it so damn hard to take care of ME first? I missed getting to the Legacy meeting yesterday because I was too busy at work. When my PC popped up the reminder, I had 3 people waiting for me to get back to them. What I do is IT for the State of Oregon. It's important and helpful to citizens and business, but not brain surgery. Why couldn't I just leave?
One of my co-workers even offered to drive me when I told her I had heardLegacy was hard to find and the parking was confusing. I even made the meeting appt. in the daytime rather than at night, because I wanted to be sure to find it OK. I said to my friend that her offer was sweet, but I really had to take care of the problems on my desk. She said "And who will take care of these problems if you have a heart attack?" Smart Lady .
But did I go? NO.
I did have a weak excuse. My feet really ached plus I had funny spots on the bottom of one foot that also hurt. I must not have really intended to go, as I didn't dig up the map I had printed 2 weeks ago and stick it in my bag when I left the house either.
I did do one thing for myself today. I called yesterday and made an appt to have my PCP check my foot. I also wanted to talk to her about WLS. She's very much in favor (has been pushing me) and I wanted to ask her about my OHSU v. Legacy quandry. She wasn't in, but I did get an appt. with the guy covering for her. So I go in this morning, and what I was so worried about was Athlete's Foot.
NO LAUGHING!
Well, my only defense is that I never had it on the bottom of my foot before. Only between the toes. How was I to know? I didn't grow up with webbed feet like my co-workers! In the Alleghenies our main malady was one foot shorter than the other - from walking on hillsides.
Oh, there was bad news too. I weighed 439.something - Let's round up to 440. The kiddo has not been cooking and we have eaten fast food too often this week. Well, at least the High was recorded. Now I can start losing...
One of my co-workers even offered to drive me when I told her I had heardLegacy was hard to find and the parking was confusing. I even made the meeting appt. in the daytime rather than at night, because I wanted to be sure to find it OK. I said to my friend that her offer was sweet, but I really had to take care of the problems on my desk. She said "And who will take care of these problems if you have a heart attack?" Smart Lady .
But did I go? NO.
I did have a weak excuse. My feet really ached plus I had funny spots on the bottom of one foot that also hurt. I must not have really intended to go, as I didn't dig up the map I had printed 2 weeks ago and stick it in my bag when I left the house either.
I did do one thing for myself today. I called yesterday and made an appt to have my PCP check my foot. I also wanted to talk to her about WLS. She's very much in favor (has been pushing me) and I wanted to ask her about my OHSU v. Legacy quandry. She wasn't in, but I did get an appt. with the guy covering for her. So I go in this morning, and what I was so worried about was Athlete's Foot.
NO LAUGHING!
Well, my only defense is that I never had it on the bottom of my foot before. Only between the toes. How was I to know? I didn't grow up with webbed feet like my co-workers! In the Alleghenies our main malady was one foot shorter than the other - from walking on hillsides.
Oh, there was bad news too. I weighed 439.something - Let's round up to 440. The kiddo has not been cooking and we have eaten fast food too often this week. Well, at least the High was recorded. Now I can start losing...
Tired
Oct 25, 2007
I went to the pool yesterday for the first time in a month or so. I've gone through periods of activity and periods of being a slug, but have kept up my membership at the health club. I feel like if I give it up entirely, it's like giving up on myself.
Anyway - I was wondering just how far out of shape I'd gotten. So I gave it a try. I did 40 lengths - 36 is a half mile - in about 35 minutes. My wind was much better than the last time I swam. I was a bit sore afterward, esp in the shoulders & back, but an ibuprophen fixed that. Gosh, what will I do when I can't take that any more... but maybe I won't need it.
I have to attribute me better breath control to not smoking much in the last few days. I have been struggling with quitting, especially when Clay and Kimberly are still smoking. Today I had 3. Much better than the 10 or so I was smoking, but I still haven't totally quit. But it is an improvement. I just need to keep the goal of my surgery in mind.
No quittie, no cuttie.
Anyway - I was wondering just how far out of shape I'd gotten. So I gave it a try. I did 40 lengths - 36 is a half mile - in about 35 minutes. My wind was much better than the last time I swam. I was a bit sore afterward, esp in the shoulders & back, but an ibuprophen fixed that. Gosh, what will I do when I can't take that any more... but maybe I won't need it.
I have to attribute me better breath control to not smoking much in the last few days. I have been struggling with quitting, especially when Clay and Kimberly are still smoking. Today I had 3. Much better than the 10 or so I was smoking, but I still haven't totally quit. But it is an improvement. I just need to keep the goal of my surgery in mind.
No quittie, no cuttie.
"Weighing" my options - very punny
Oct 23, 2007
I'm having the hardest time not finding weight or WLS puns everywhere. Probably part of my tendency to laugh about stuff that stresses me rather than cry.
Like when I describe my odd-ball family. Much nicer to turn it into a comedy routine than to piss and moan. My life is pretty funny.
Like my boss says, my life is a country music song. A funny one.
Like when I describe my odd-ball family. Much nicer to turn it into a comedy routine than to piss and moan. My life is pretty funny.
Like my boss says, my life is a country music song. A funny one.
First meeting - OHSU
Oct 22, 2007
Moving fast. Got into the Intro meeting at OSHU for tonight.
I'll go to both OSHU and Legacy meeting and see what I think.
Was bummed last night when I discovered that my insurance (PEBB - Regence BCBS) doesn't cover DS. Am interested in what my surgeon thinks will be best for me - once I have a surgeon - LOL Sort of putting the cart before the horse, but right now we are having Open Enrollment. I see that Providence does cover DS. I can't change again until next year.
I'll go to both OSHU and Legacy meeting and see what I think.
Was bummed last night when I discovered that my insurance (PEBB - Regence BCBS) doesn't cover DS. Am interested in what my surgeon thinks will be best for me - once I have a surgeon - LOL Sort of putting the cart before the horse, but right now we are having Open Enrollment. I see that Providence does cover DS. I can't change again until next year.
A new attitude
Oct 19, 2007
I quit smoking today. I've been taking Chantix for about 2 weeks this time. I had noticed with the rainy, cold weather, I was having longer spaces between smokes. So I started trying to stretch the spaces.
This morning I had to be in to work earlier than usual for a strategy meeting. So I didn't have time to sit in front of my SAD light AND go out to the tent to smoke. So I did the light therapy and skipped the cig. Purposely didn't fetch the pack to take to work either. Too busy to think about it until lunch, when I had to run home for an errand. Told my family I was smoke free so far, and my daughter encouraged me to keep it up. Going on 22 hours. I feel fine.
Shared news about my decision to pursue WLS with a co-worker who is struggling also. She said her hubby was thinking about WLS too. Most excellent! More buddies.
Got my 1st OH friend today too. Another local. They're comin' outta the woodwork!
Had a follow-up appt today with my sleep tech. My shrink recommended that I switch docs - I think this one is better, plus he has the study rooms & equipment right on site. Not more excuses for unfilled Rx's because I'm too tired to go to BioTech.
The variable CPAP is working well. Maybe with all the history I have on the machine (since 1995), I can get a pass on the sleep study part of WLS process.
This morning I had to be in to work earlier than usual for a strategy meeting. So I didn't have time to sit in front of my SAD light AND go out to the tent to smoke. So I did the light therapy and skipped the cig. Purposely didn't fetch the pack to take to work either. Too busy to think about it until lunch, when I had to run home for an errand. Told my family I was smoke free so far, and my daughter encouraged me to keep it up. Going on 22 hours. I feel fine.
Shared news about my decision to pursue WLS with a co-worker who is struggling also. She said her hubby was thinking about WLS too. Most excellent! More buddies.
Got my 1st OH friend today too. Another local. They're comin' outta the woodwork!
Had a follow-up appt today with my sleep tech. My shrink recommended that I switch docs - I think this one is better, plus he has the study rooms & equipment right on site. Not more excuses for unfilled Rx's because I'm too tired to go to BioTech.
The variable CPAP is working well. Maybe with all the history I have on the machine (since 1995), I can get a pass on the sleep study part of WLS process.
Starting out
Oct 18, 2007
Just found this place on the web. My PCP has been after me for years to have WLS. And my brother. And my favorite Serb. I'm 54 and dragging this whole other person around is wearing me out. And my piggyback rider is not a petite gymnast - I'm dragging around a linebacker. I don't want to die before I retire down the road. I have more life to lead.
I was starting to consider lab-band. I liked the idea of the impermanence. My shrink gave me a push. My primary says she's seen mixed results with that procedure and pointed me toward R-NY. She's a brash kid - had a packet right on hand for me. Also printed out a weight chart chart from another patient with the name scratched out.
I called Dr. Nair's office in Salem this week. Since my insurance is PEBB-Regence, they referred me to either Legacy or OHSU. I was sort of glad. It would have been much more convenient to stay in Salem, but at my size and age, I think someone with more experience is a better choice.
I'm scheduled to go to Legacy's intro meeting on Nov. 1, 2007.
My journey begins.
I was starting to consider lab-band. I liked the idea of the impermanence. My shrink gave me a push. My primary says she's seen mixed results with that procedure and pointed me toward R-NY. She's a brash kid - had a packet right on hand for me. Also printed out a weight chart chart from another patient with the name scratched out.
I called Dr. Nair's office in Salem this week. Since my insurance is PEBB-Regence, they referred me to either Legacy or OHSU. I was sort of glad. It would have been much more convenient to stay in Salem, but at my size and age, I think someone with more experience is a better choice.
I'm scheduled to go to Legacy's intro meeting on Nov. 1, 2007.
My journey begins.
