Patty T.
A little less SAD
Dec 30, 2007
I'm doing a bit better, but still struggling. I saw my shrink and she seemed to think my "collapse" was due to a number of factors. Overwork, sleep issues, family stress, family history of depression, vitamin D deficiency and SAD. She's going to refer me to an endocrinologist as well. The week I saw her, I had a period of alertness and thought I had snapped out of it, what with the Solstice being almost on us at that time and having erased my sleep deficit.
I also hung a bunch of Christmas lights. Blue & white LED ones on the mantel, lavender ones around a new mirror in the dining area, and pink ones in the bedroom around my dresser mirror. Boy, do I love lights!
But I saw my shrink about a week ago, while I've not been as exhausted as the prior week, I still had to struggle to get thru 3 work days last week - LOL. I really only put in 3 6-hour days. I've been waking up fairly easily at 6:30-7:00am, doing 30-60 mins in front of my bright light. But by 3-4 in the afternoon I'm ready for a nap, even if I don't have a big lunch. I'm also having a problem with concentrating at work and being interested in the work I'm doing - neither of these are usually a problem. I normally really like my work. Now if I run into roadblocks, instead of seeing them as challenges, I crumble and want to hide under the covers.
I did see my sleep doc on Wed as a regular follow up. He said I am way down in the number of apneas, but I still don't feel really rested. I had a couple of things I wanted to check out with my PCP, so I saw her on Friday AM and got the blood work done that my shrink wanted. Among other things, we will see if the big dose Vitamin D is working. Right now I also have a nice case of Intertrigo and some superficial phelbitis.
Friday I came home early after a stop at Walgreens for a heating pad for my leg. My primary wants me to keep an eye on it.
Today I got my butt to the pool while the sun was shining. Earlier it was hailing but later we had some sunny patches. Odd day. I love to swim in the 2 outside lanes, as this time of the year I'm in the sunshine when I swim. I love the way the water looks in the sun.
I hope I continue to improve, as I really had hoped to have banked my sick time for my surgery, not use it up now. I only need to get through 1 day - Monday, then I have the day off for New Years. Then a stretch of 3 days, with training sessions of Friday for a new system we are building. I hope it's ready!
SAD and tired
Dec 11, 2007
I don't know what is wrong with me. All I want to do lately is sleep. I am so tired, plus had another migraine today. I can't seem to get into the office and can barely check in via email. I feel like I am drowning. I don't understand what is going on.
I do have SAD, plus I have a big project at work that seems not able to move without me. It's the dark time of year, plus very cold here lately.
I had been trying to get an exercise program going at the pool and was very excited about the informational meeting with the surgery group I'm interested in.
Between my SAD, extra family stress and awful work stress, I think my systems are just shutting down. I also had some recent med changes. My doc changed my anti-depressant to 2x the prev dose, taken 2x a day now. It is also supposed to help fibromyalgia, which my podiatrist says I have, altho my PCP has not mentioned it - and I do not always remember the dx codes to run home and look them up.
I am also now taking pain meds - T4, which I think makes me tired.
I also overdid it last week.
On Thursday I had to clarify something with some internal customers, who are at the far SE corner of the 4th floor. I took my new colleague along so she could meet people, and it ended up being a much longer visit that I intended with more standing that I planned on. So I was pretty tired when I was done. Plus a walk or two over across my own floor to see my boss & team members.
On Friday I had to take my daughter to the eye doc (corneal abrasion emergency) & then to her work to drop off the doc's note. I should have grabbed a riding cart, but I did not think it would be long. Well, it was long. Kimmie ended up getting me a riding cart 1/2 way through.
Then on Saturday, I tackled one of the worst messy areas in the house - the Dinner table area because (a) I want to put up a mirror for good Feng Shui, (b) I need to make room for the recliner I want to buy to sleep in and (c) I also want to do a bit of Christmas decorating. I got the worst 1/2 of that area done and then took a nap. That was Saturday afternoon.
I've pretty much been sleeping since then.
I think I am just exhausted.
My work friend thinks I need to do what I need to do in order to start sleeping in the recliner with my CPAP. Maybe so. It sounds like too much work to fix that. At least right now my migraine is finally gone, but if I bend over to pick stuff up, it hurts my head. Maybe tomorrow.
Vicodin Bad
Nov 29, 2007
I found out today from my shrink that if I take Vicodin, it has the same sort interaction with Cymbalta that Tramadol does - it makes the anti-depressant less effective. No wonder I had a crying spell yesterday. Big time SAD episode.
Oregon in the late fall is really dark and gloomy. In Pennsylvania we had cold sunny days, but those are pretty rare here. Add in my vitamin D depletion issues - well not wonder I'm having trouble.
After reading about Cymbalta & Fibromyalgia, I asked my doc what she thought about boosting my dose and she agreed. Maybe THAT will help some of my pain issues.
Today I Hurt
Nov 26, 2007
I was so stiff from my swim yesterday that I worked from home today. Again, thank you to my workplace for allowing me to do this. I needed a Vicodin and I didn't want to drive.
Too tired to move the CPAP last night, so tried the King again. Overslept. Another reason to work from home.
Time sink
Nov 25, 2007
Got caught in the vortex of a migraine yesterday. My kind of lost weekend. Stress trigger this time, I think. Putting in way too many hours at work to get a project done.
But I took a shot Sat am. Called Miss Lara in PA. Did a bit of work, napped, watched TV.
Today I woke early with a backache. I'm going to try the loveseat with my cpap until I can get myself a bariatric recliner.
Did 2 hrs of work, then went swimming. MAJOR BODY HURT!
Swam with snorkle, mask, short flippers & sm hand paddles.
Lengths - 4 sets of (2(free breathe rt, free breathe left) + 1 Patty Dolphin mix)
Water walking -
50 m. between lengths 20 + 21
50 m. at end of swim
Took a muscle cramp pill and a pain pill. Life is better. Getting the DH busy on the laundry.
Kiddo slept instead of taking down the sunshade. Hope it does not rain tomorrow! But it won't be me getting wet!
Thanksgiving
Nov 23, 2007
What an odd Thanksgiving it was yesterday. Not bad, just different!
Kiddo spent the day at her Real Mom's. She wanted all the trimmings, which she knows she won't get here. I'm the Evil Stepmother who doesn't bake. LOL!
We've been simplifying every year. DH and I roasted a turkey breast, threw yams in to oven roast as well. Brussels sprouts and whole cranberry sauce. It was great not to have to do mashed 'taters and stuffing. Now I do love stuffing, but we just had some last Sunday (cornbread) along with pork chops, so we weren't craving it.
All this food talk is reminding me I did not have lunch yet! - more later
=== days later ==
I think what was special to me this year is that I am beginning a new life. I'm thankful for a 2nd chance.
Confidence boosts
Nov 16, 2007
1. I had an early meeting with my internal customers about progress on the big project that we are working on. While we are scrambling with this Agile development concept, Chris (my new boss) said that what we are doing is BEYOND Agile. But we are gittin 'er done. I work with an awesome group of people.
2. My new CPAP mask broke a few days ago - I had an older style before and was used to yanking it on & off over my head. Well, this newer model has a pivot ball that sits in a little cup. And I broke off the plastic. After a few nights of trying to wear a jury-rigged mask, I called my sleep tech. I had an appt with my PCP out that way, so I got myself scheduled to stop by on the way. Exchanged the newer style mask for my old style. This is the sort of errand I would have put off before - now I'm finding the time to do things to help my health.
3. Saw my PCP and talked about WLS. Got a lot of good info. And I was down 20 lbs! I can't understand HOW - because I didn't think I was eating any less, but hey, I'll take it!
4. I asked my PCP for pain meds. I had been on Tramadol previously, but last winter it seemed to be interferring with My antidepressant, so I switched back to Motrin. But lately it's not enough, especially as I try to increase my activity level. So now I have a little bottle of Tylenol 4 for when my feet, ankles and lower legs ache - which is pretty much every day by about 3 pm.
Progress - Moving in a good direction
Nov 14, 2007
1. Yesterday my feet were hurting so badly I finally did something about it besides just gobbling ibuprophen. I took a late lunch and went to the shoe store. Now that's a big deal ... not the late lunch, but the shoe store. It's a Major Expedition at my size and current fitness level. Hauling around 440 lbs is tiring.
My doc reminded me a month or so ago that my feet would hurt less if I didn't wear my shoes past their prime. My shoes were WAY past replacement time. The best shoes for me are Wolky's, and I buy them at Salem Center. Now I used to be able to park in the muni garage in the 2nd floor handicap area and walk across the skybridge, thru a dept store and then a short distance (3-4 small stores) to get to my shoe store. But then the dept store closed and I could not take that shortcut.
Well, another dept store opened recently in that same space, so the path was clear, but I have been finding myself too tired to go there after work. I've turned into a old person - I have MUCH more energy early in the day, before my aches & pains catch up with me. So by going earlier in the day, I could tap into more energy.
So I get there and they don't have my regular color in my size. Instead of black, they have a fawn color. Well, I'm a Winter and I haven't worn brown for 25 years! They can get me the shoes shipped in from another store, but I would have to mount another expedition to pick them up. Or send a lackey, which involves bribery. Or have them shipped to me which costs extra. And my feet don't want to wait, so I choose function over style. I buy the fawn pair and ALSO order a black pair to be shipped to my house.
Boy, that was hard to do. But I think my feet are better. It is hard to tell because of all the unaccustomed walking I had to do yesterday.
2. After my errand I went home and teleworked for the rest of the day. I don't have to walk as much when I work at home, so that was another way of being good to myself.
I'm so lucky to work at a place that allows me to do this kind of thing, otherwise I'd have to be on disability, as going to the office 5x a week is very hard for me. I can't do it all the time because I am a systems analyst and need to work face-to-face with the dept I support. When I'm home I keep up by email and and phone. I have great co-workers who help out too. We cover for each other.
3. Today I went swimming for the 1st time in 12 weeks or so. I swam my usual 40 lengths plus I walked about 6 laps as well. I really need to build my fitness back up.
4. THE BEST ONE - and I almost forgot. Last weekend hubby & I started clearing clutter. We have so much. He is OCD and it is hard for him to get rid of stuff. But I told him that I need to have it done by my surgery time or else I will have to go live somewhere else. And he agreed! Awesome. I think I will need to ride herd to keep things moving, but at least he is now willing.
Chaos vanquished - The Goddess to the Rescue
Nov 10, 2007
We don't need that new washer and I don't have it sit and cry in my nightie cuz I have noting to wear (it was a circuit problem).
And I discovered the source of hubby's angst and fixed it - well, more like loss prevention. We thought kiddo was going klepto again.
And we talked - I insisted that he hear me and my concerns. And I listened too.
The source of all this Goodness? Miss Laura. My BFF back East. She knows how psycho I can be. Damned Italian Temper.
Nope, no kleptos here. The item in question was knocked under my file cabinet by one of the Enemy Combatants in the Juniper Street War of 2007. I suspect it was the Dawg forces that were to blame. But it might have been the Katt Tank Squadron. As opposed to the Katt Ninja Patrol. So I'm glad it wasn't kiddo. I didn't think it was, but DH insisted that he had checked all around the office.
Unfortunately, the False Accusation also caused major drama. But all is stable as of Wed 11/14.
Chaos
Nov 09, 2007
He's discovered that if he buys the appliances on line from Best Buy, he can get 20% off if he buys more than 2. And yes, we need a new washer and dryer, a DW and a stove.
But I had 2 criteria when I OKed his shopping - whatever he buys, they must deliver & install it. And haul away the old ones.
And guess what? If he buys online, they are just gonna dump it on the porch.
I really don't need this chaos right now.
I want to run away from home, but it has to have a fast internet connection - I've GOT to work on this project.
