ready2Bhealthy2
Emotional Hot Mess
Dec 23, 2011
I’m not quite sure what’s been going on with me these past few weeks, but I’m a hot mess! If anyone who knows me were to describe me they would tell you that I’m not an emotional person, especially around others. Sure I get angry or happy but I don’t let sensitive type emotions show, I don’t get emotionally upset about things. I usually get pissed and move on. NOPE, not lately! Lately I want to freaking cry all the time. I am literally fighting tears right now. When something happens that upsets me, I dwell on it instead of letting it go. GRRRRRR……No my life isn’t perfect and yes I have stress that adds to it. But I seriously can’t stand this overly sensitive crap that’s going on. People are actually hurting my feelings with the stupid things they are doing or saying. The same crap they were doing or saying a month ago now makes me want to cry and quit my job. I’ve read that as we lose fat, hormones (or some other crap that makes us mushy) is released. Reading and experiencing are totally different, so I need to know how long this is going to go on and if there is a way to stop it. I don’t even want to be around myself right now. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.
- I’m not happy with my weight loss but I’m not upset with it either…I’m worried I will never make it to goal. It’s just so damn far away…I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel
- I’m sick of people wanting to know how much I’ve lost and when I’m going to buy smaller clothes. LEAVE ME ALONE!!
- I’m so fearful of failing at this that I don’t eat nearly enough. I’ve never been good at accepting failure or defeat and this seems to be the worst yet. Every time I see food I’m scared of failure.
- My potassium levels are scaring the bejevus outta me to the point I’m afraid to get my heart rate up at all. It’s serious enough that they want to do infusions now! WTF!!!
- My hair is falling out and there’s nothing I can do about it, but embrace it….yeah right embrace my impending baldness!
- I don’t fit into hardly any of my massive amounts of clothes anymore…sure some would be happy about this…but me, I want to cry cause I only have clothes that make me look more of a hot mess than I already am.
- I was offered a promotion at work only to have it given to someone else because my boss feared people would accuse him of favoritism…are you f'ing kidding me?!?!
I want my I don’t give a shit attitude back. I miss it. Emotions freaking suck and blow fat whale ass.
Am I alone in all this craziness of mixed emotions that I can’t tell up from down? I sure as hell hope not cause that would mean I’m actually looney!
