zimmersdreamer
how i got here...
Jan 23, 2011
we all have a story of how we got here, to Fatland. it didnt just happen over night, it didnt happen in a blink of an eye or an experimrent gone wrong, but some how, someway, we all got here... Here is my journey.my weight problems started when I was about 5ish, being that i can hardly remember those days, i say -ish. Mom had split from her partner and I was alone with my brothers, I would eat butter, yes sticks of butter. I have an allergy to milk and its products but its not a lactose allergy, a protien that boils off or freezes off... anywho butter aparently did not and I loves the taste, so I ate it, would put my fingers in the tub, eat it by the stick, anytime my over worked single mother of 3 was not looking i would eat butter.... the pounds started adding up. I was rather thin those years so it wasnt a bad thing at first. then we move States, and as a child I did what other children do, i clung to my closest confidant, food. Sweets really. I wasnt FAT in 1st or second grade, but then the abuse started. Mother worked So my older brother bullied me (nothing more than what most kids go thorough I presume but it was physical too) then his friends came along and they were interested in HIS sister... But the more lbs I added the fewer boys looked at me.
by fifth grade i was no longer just a little over weight i was full blown FAT! I didnt get much exercize, and ate junk food always. middle school was torture! I was fat, I was called ugly! Shamu!
Highschool promised to be just as toururous. But I had a teacher who was a coach, she ran cross country with us. I began running and like a drug, it became an addiction! I ran about 5 miles a day, actually cared about what I ate and lost 100lbs in a matter of months, I had to go tot the Dr weekly because I was loosing so fast mom was scared I was unhealthy. (it was Sep-Dec)
the season ended and I tried out for track, but joined soccer. I started gaining weight back even though I was active 6 days a week and was back up 40+ lbs in 2 years. After soccer season was over we moved and cross country was on a try out basis and I didnt run fast enough for them, so I joined JROTC and colorguard.
After school I was working in the fast food industry for years and packed back on all the weight I had lost. I was so shy that I never dated, I had a Ton of male friends, but never dated. After getting with my now EX I gained more weight as well as fed him up to 250 lbs. I love to cook and even more I loved to bake! we had parties almost weekly where his friends would come over and They would drink, smoke and I would cook. He started making comments about my weight. How if I had an "insert bady part here" like hers (whom ever happened to be around) we would never leave the bed. this continued for a year. He never wanted to commit to me So i left. I started to lose weight again, I went on Adkins and lost 50 lbs. I loved it! i was going to the gym 3x a week, then after months of talking, I took him back, I got pregnant almost immediatly! I only gained 15 lbs with her and after she was born I was sick for a while, I was watching what I ate and kept the weight off breast feeding. the week I went intot he hospital for my galdbladder surgery I gained 35lbs. I didnt eat much for fear that I would trigger another attack. the week I was in the hospital though I gained another 25lbs they assured me it was fluid retention and that it would work its way out... 2 years later and it still didnt.
I got pregnant again, didnt gain any weight but My EX started back on his comparisons. every time he would tell me how much he wanted me thin, I would go eat a box of chocolates. with now two kids and no job I had no form of exercise. I yo-yo dieted, i tried Adkins again but never made it more than a day or two. I tried pills and even got a treadmill, it made a good coat rack! but everytime i would go to get on it there would be an excuse, it was too loud... kids were awake.. ect.
after we split I lost weight because I made going to the gym a priority. Mom (i moved in with her) would hound me about the health implications of my weight. finally after a year I went to talk to my DR abou tit and met with a nutritionist & found out I was not eating enough and then eating too much. sending my metabolism into WAKO land! I talked to a bariatric sergon about getting the band adn after some blood test I was told I had PCOS. I was put on metformin and lost 40 lbs and decided with the STRONG encouragement from both the DR and nutritionist to give it one more HONEST go, meaning I didnt stop at every platue and give up!
so here I am, 30lbs lighter from a year ago, I go tot the gym 5-6 days a week and watch what I eat, I dont "diet" but I am cauntious of protien and calories for the most part, but I just gauge how much I eat by my hunger. I still have to force myself to eat some days (3/4 of through the day i realise I only ate about 300 cal...) I have made it through 3 platues that I would have given up on before, and had a few bumps ( leg surgery and abdominal surgery) that have played havok on my progress but all in all I am on this journey till death do I part! I am aware that I will NEVER get to go through life not caring about what I eat and do, because the weight will sneak back up on me, and I have 2 little girls that NEED ME!
