Question:
Would I be just plain wrong to sub-ject my 12y/o daughter to surgery.....
I am MO and my daughter is 270lbs and I am scared out of my mind for her. She chokes all through the night and I'm so afraid the I'll go in her room one morning to a dead child.I don't know what to do, but I do know that if I don't put a stop to this now--she won't make it to her 14th Birthday. Any feed back from other concerned mothers would be greatly, greatly appreciated. Thank-you Guys — mischief85 (posted on April 9, 2002)
April 9, 2002
This sounds like a serious matter. I would take her to the WLS Doctor and
see what his advise would be. She may in severe need of surgery but for a
child it may be dangerous. I don't know what to tell you, but you need the
advise of a professional
— suzanne S.
April 9, 2002
It's my understanding that any reputable surgeon would not perform WLS on
anyone under 18. I assume because anyone younger than that is likely not
finished developing their bodies and minds, and this type of surgery would
play havoc with the rest of the development. I'd suggest getting her and
any other family members living with her involved with doctor/nutritionist
about the problem and seek their advise. The best thing is having support,
so please make it a family matter. =)
— Anne B.
April 9, 2002
Have you done any research on Leptin treatments? I guess they recently
discovered that Leptin plays an important role in weight gain/loss. I've
heard that for very obese children, getting the treatments can greatly
reduce their weight. So far, they have only been able to make it work in
children, so I am not sure if your daughter would be too old already.
Maybe ask a doctor if he has heard about this, as it is pretty new. I am
sure you can find some articles on it if you just do a search on the
internet for Leptin.
— Jennifer Y.
April 9, 2002
I don't think surgery would be a good idea for a 12 year old. They are
still developing physically and the nutritional ramifications of the
surgery could have serious repercusions in ber development. Plus, I don't
think a 12 year old has the self discipline required to stick to the post
surgical regimen. So, as an alternative I would consider locating a
Bariatric physician (not surgeon) and work with them to at the minimum help
her maintain her weight at it's present level until she is old enough for
surgery. You can look for a physician at the following link:
http://www.asbp.org/ . Additionally, I would be very concerned that a 12
year old who has reached this weight level may have an underlying physical
condition causing her weight gain. This needs to be checked out closely by
a doctor trained in bariatrics. Most family doctors do not have the
expertise needed. An additional recommendation I would make (after having
been in her shoes) is to consider psychological counseling. Even if it
doesn't help her with her weight problem, she must need help in dealing
with societies reaction to her weight problem. It is devasting and will be
worse as she goes into High School. Whatever happens...god be with you and
her!
— cathleent
April 9, 2002
Have you asked her how she feels about having the operation? Is she being
teased/ridiculed at school? Have you talked to a doctor about her health?
I think if she's choking at night, I would talk to a doctor or your WLS
surgeon about her and get his opinion and suggestions.
Good luck!
— Betty Todd
April 9, 2002
I do not necessarily believe you are "plain wrong". Of course you
would reasearch this with her pediatric specialist... I was a very fat
child... to the point my doctors had me on amphetimines at the age of
seven. Over the years I lost and gained a ton. The constant dieting and
regaining over the years was much worse than surgery would have been for my
situation. Counceling would probably be a very good idea at her age. But I
certainly would not rule out surgery... It may keep her from becoming a
very unhealthy adult. You know your daughter. And I understand you are
looking for a solution out of love. I can't say to put all of your trust in
what doctors tell you. Instinct also plays an important role. Just be clear
about why you think this is an answer. Good luck and I hope it works out
in a favorable manner.
— Linda M.
April 9, 2002
I have heard that there is research being done to help children and teens
learn Behavior Mod. techniques by using Xenecal (spelling?) It seems to
work better for kids than for adults, I've heard. I'm thinking about
looking into it for my daughter.
— eahutchins
April 9, 2002
I think this surgery is not well suited for a 12 year old. Right now she
doesn't know who she is, and is still in that phase. I don't think at this
age, she is ready to live with all the life changes this surgery provides.
I suggest putting her on a diet, seeing her pediatrician for some possible
meds to help her. Talk to her and see what OTHER options there are first.
If she is like me, she may feel that you are attacking her, thus pulling
her further down into a sprial..
— Heather H.
April 9, 2002
Thanks to everyone who gave their opinions on this matter. I received some
very insightful comments and I thank you all for them. Thats why I really
love this sight I feel like I have this great big family full of brothers
and sisters who really truly know whats going on in my life and understand
every moment. Keep praying.
— mischief85
April 9, 2002
I sincerely wish my mom would have given me the option at her age....my
teen years and my twenties would have been wonderful. Instead I got the
constant you need to have will power talks and I got served boiled chicken
and potatoes and everone else in the family got fried chicken and mashed
potatoes with butter. Talk to her about it, talk to her pcp, get a psych
eval to see if she can truely comprehend the changes and risks. Medical
studies have shown that 95% of all dieters regain their weight (usually
ading more to boot). So maybe she could skip the 20 years of starvation
diets and pills and heartache I went through. Good luck to you both!!
— cherokey55
April 9, 2002
hi...what a question that is so fraught with ifs and buts.
is there a yahoo group that is for kids that have had this surgery i tried
looking but didnt have any luck..anyone else know??
my daughter is in the 3% height range for her age so she is extremly tall
...te tallest in her priamry legs like a blimmin gazelle and she carrys a
bit of excess weight that the gp feels is ok as she grows so rapidly but i
know she has learnt alot of her eating habits from me and now i have had
weight loss her and i go for wals together everynight etc..i arent saying
this is what you should do but has she got a underlying medical condition
or is she geneticaaly predisposed to weight gain you didnt say..
i have enrolled my daughter in netball shes 11 and she decided herself to
cut back on junk as she said she wants to look nice in her uniform o she
feels its her descion rather than feeling pushed into restricting your
intake and we al know how that feels..
my best thoughs and biggest hugs go out for your little darling and youre
her mum your motherly instinct will point you in the right direction...
— Rachel F.
April 9, 2002
Hello. I am not a mother, but I am a young person. I am 21 and 3 months
post-op. I was always a chubby child (Even as a baby I was on a diet-
watered down cranberry juice instead of milk half the time!). I was twelve
nine years ago and remember the pain of teasing, dreading gym class, not
being able to shop in Gap like everyone else, etc... This being said, I
don't think I would have had the stamina for surgery at her age. No matter
what some people think, I still need to have will power- how hard would it
be for her to go to a party and while everyone else is having pizza and
icecreamcake she has to sit back and watch, or explain that she can't- it
just leads to a lot of aquardness for her dealing with her peers. Plus I
don't think I would have been mature enough to count my calories and
proteins and carb ratios as well as remember all my liquids. Plus, her body
isn't done maturing. It seems like the surgery might have more affect on
growth as a teenager. I do wish I had had my surgery when I was 18 instead
of 21, but I didn't miss out on too much time. And in all honesty, I think
I will be a more compassionate and kind person because I was obese. The
other wieght loss suggestions given here sound like legitamit options. Try
talking to a doc and nutritionist with her, involve her. Don't let her
think you disapprove of her because she is fat, but that you are concerned
for her health. Good Luck.
— Angela B.
April 9, 2002
Have you ever had her thyroid checked? My mother said that when I hit 5yrs
old that I just blew up overnight. It wasn't until I was 12 that they
discovered that I was hypothyroid. But by that point, I was extremely
overweight due to it going untreated for 7 yrs. I was already so out of
control that it's just been downhill ever since.
— JLP9805
April 9, 2002
I would also consult with a bariatric surgeon. We all know that diets
don't work. All of the yo-yo-ing of weight up and down is so bad for your
health. I just don't see what dieting can do for her. I'm sure that you
have already tried other options, as we all have. The post-op diet would
be a concern encouraging her to take her vits, get in the protein and
water, but I don't think she would feel like she was missing out on
anything. She would be able to eat pizza, just a small amount, she would
be full and not want anymore. She could say that ice cream causes stomach
upset. I don't feel like I miss out on anything. Yes, she is still
maturing, but how do post-ops have healthy babies? If that is possible, I
would think that maturing wouldn't be a problem as a post-op. I despised
being an obese child. And I really feel for the children today that are
obese because children are more cruel today than when I was young. I would
definitely not rule out surgery. Look into it. Get professional opinions.
Weigh your options. What does she think about it?
— Cheri M.
April 9, 2002
Have you really tried all other medical approaches and education routes
with your daughter? She obviously has some sleep problems that need
medical attention. Sometimes you need to visit more than one doctor until
you find one that you feel comfortable working with. As someone who was
always a chubby kid and is now the mother of a chubby 5th grader, I
understand your pain and your childs. More importantly, as an 8 month
post-op VBG person, I know that this not an easy fix, but something that is
permanent and for the rest of your life. This is not something that you
do, get skinney, look fabulous and have a wonderful happy ever after life.
It is however, something that is just another tool like good nutritional
education, making wise food choices and exercise in the battle to beat
obesity. You are also talking about a CHILD who does not have the mental or
emotional ability to deal with the life style changes necessary for the
rest of her life. Do you realize that by making it easier for her to
vomit, you could be encouraging eating disorders like bulemia in a few
years? The psychiatrist who helped me make the decision to have my
surgery, was very concerned about proper follow up for potential eating
disorders---and not just with me, but all ADULTS she shes. As a fellow
parent, I can not encourage you or any other adult to just go and subject
your child to this surgery. There are many other options, and no one could
ever convince me that a young teen has been on supervised diets, exercise
plans or have had the nutritional education to warrent the go ahead for
surgery---12 years simply isn't enough time to exhaust all other forms of
help. You are not dealing with a terminal illness or emergency situation
where your child will soon die if surgery is not performed. You are
dealing with a chronic health condition that must be addressed to prevent
adverse effects in the future----time is not as critical. My suggestion is
for both you and your child to seek not only professional medical care, but
psychiatric counseling as well----your fears to suggest such a radical
solution need to be adressed too!
— Sue F.
April 10, 2002
It is interesting that so many of us feel a 12 year old can't follow
directions. When I was a kid I had friends with so many alergies. They
didn't feel left out because there were things they couldn't eat. And
avoiding those foods were automatic. Also children with diabeties and so
many other problems do live normal lives.
The only point here is that it has to be something she desperately wants,
and not just to please others.
good luck and hugs to your child.
— faybay
April 10, 2002
Could not help but respond again. I see so many valid points. This is not
just a "chubby" child. I understand that you are talking about
MO. How does your daughter feel about this? Have you had the surgery? Talk
to the specialists in this field. How rare is this degree of MO for a 12
year old?
— Linda M.
April 10, 2002
I know EXACTLEY what your going through. My 13 year old keeps bugging me
asking if he can have the surgery too.
I have heard of just a couple of kids having the DS but none having RNY.
One had to go to Spain to get it but the other had it somewhere in the US.
Kristin in Indiana
— Kristin S.
April 10, 2002
I do not have children, but it has always been my opinion that kids learn
very quickly. They are not stupid or irresponsible, unless you treat them
that way or let them be. They can learn responsibilty at a very early age
(those who are taught). They learn to live with diabetes, etc. at a very
young age. It may be easier for her to adapt to this at this age, then
when she's 30. Sleep apnea is affecting this child now- we know what it
does to us - I can only imagine having sleep apnea, and trying to go to
school in the morning! Or do homework!
— Karen R.
April 10, 2002
Stephanie, she may have sleep apnes. Talk to her pediatrician
about a sleep study. This could help her energy level if she needs
a CPAP machine. Then discuss a closely supervised food plan.
Most surgeons will not touch anyone under 16. My surgeon did one
14 yr old and after about 6 mos post op the girl became non compliant
and started eating junk food again, promptly out ate the surgery
and is now 18 and 380 lbs. She now wants a revision. I wish
you luck, my children are showing signs of being overweight and
I am getting into Jazzercise with my 10 yr old who weighs about 132
and is short. Hugs Rita in Vermont
— vt_rita
April 10, 2002
Well, I see their are alot of responses to my question, but the one that
attracted the most attention to me is Sue Felton's response. Not only did
it make me feel that I was a nut case for even considering such a
suggestion, but also a bad mother to have let this problem get out of hand.
So my answer to you is if obesity was not such a dangerous disease that
would cause me to have this concern for my child I might have considered
the essay that you posted for not only myself to partake of but the entire
site. If this situation is so easily handled and you have the nerve to
suggest psychological therapy why is it that you could not walk your ass
around the track and lose weight. You were only 297lbs wouldn't it have
been easier for you just to push back away from the table and take the fork
away from your mouth--but NO! you had to do something as drastic as to have
WLS to save your life!!( Yes, I am being Sarcastic) So why is it that I
need counseling because I want my child not to have to wait until she is
43yrs old and married with a gifted 10years old to make a change in her
life for the better. I don't know of any real mother who would not exhaust
every means even WLS to save the life of her child and to prevent her from
having a life of heartache and torture--and if this makes me a bad mother
with a mental problem along with being fat then I will say the HELL with
YOU and YOUR Screwed up opinion. To everyone else I thank-you for your
kindness and compassion most of all because apparently some of us have
forgotten why we had/or are having this surgery to gain a better life
filled with living this life to its fullest without QUESTION or
COMPROMISE--something my twelve year old daughter DESERVES!! !!
— mischief85
April 10, 2002
Stephanie,
I am a Mommy of three children and I am pregnant with number four. If any
of my children become MO I will do anything and everything to help remedy
that situation. Yes, that includes WLS if my child wants it and his/her
Pediatrician finds it appropriate. I believe my 11 year old daughter would
be able to stick to the post op eating if she were in that position. I
don't think some of the previous responders are giving your daughter enough
credit. You can't compare today's children to us. They are growing up a
little more quickly than we did because the world is such a different place
now. Also, it may even be easier for her in some ways because she hasn't
had decades to become set in her ways. Please seek the advice of a
Bariatric Surgeon. Contact several, if necessary. Your Mother's intuition
and instincts brought you to this site. You know in your heart what has to
be done. You don't need anyone else's permission. You are the one who lays
in bed and worries at night. Listen to your heart. You may have to take
criticism but only you and your child can make the choice. Please let us
know how everything turns out for your family. I will keep you both in my
thoughts for a positive resolution.
Best wishes,
— [Deactivated Member]
April 10, 2002
I feel for you and your child. I know the torture of growing up obese. My
5 year old is chubby and I constantly watch her intake and portion size. I
don't want her to have the health problems and ridicule I endured. But if
she grows up to be obese, I will certainly approach wls as a treatment
option as soon as possible. Please seek out several specialists to help
you. I will tell you I was 16 years old when I had my VBG (that failed!).
While researching your options, please seek immediate treatment for her
sleep apnea. God bless you both.
— [Deactivated Member]
April 10, 2002
Non-compliance can happen at ANY age- and we see a lot of POSTS here from
all AGES regarding it! Maybe I was just a VERY old 12 yr. old... I think
we do mature faster these days. I had started my period when I was 10, I
started high school at 12, I had boyfriends, I had responsibilities and
repercussions! My parents did not treat me like a child and I did not act
like one. If she is miserable, I would not even consider her age an issue,
her own Mother will know her the best. I would do everything within my
power to help her- if she wanted it.
— Karen R.
April 10, 2002
I agree with Sue....there is nothing wrong with counseling.It's there for
people that need help.You see a medical doctor for a physical problem
right? Why not see one for a psychological problem? How did your daughter
get to be so heavy? You could make your house free of all sweets and things
like that. Maybe you and your daughter could spend time excercising
together. I personally would not ever consider this type of surgery for my
children. I feel it is much too drastic for a person that young.I hope that
your daughter grows to be the wonderful young woman that we all know she'll
be.
— Tina C.
April 10, 2002
Hi. I wanted to post my two cents, like everyone else ha ha. It sounds to
me as if you are extremely concerned about your daughter's health and would
like to do something about it to avoid future problems. The only thing I
would think about is that she is young and her body has not quite finished
developing and there could be some reprecussions from that. Maybe you could
see your doctor or find a pediatrician that you trust and who knows the ins
and outs of this surgery. Maybe they would be able to give you a more
realistic answer than anyone on the message boards. It does not sound like
you are a bad mother, but you need to realize that the people who post here
are not physicians and they may know things that we do not. Good Luck! I
wish all the best for you and your daughter.
— Tara J.
April 10, 2002
Well, I just had to answer this question since I am currently going through
it--and please--don't send me any hate mail--I don't really care if you
don't think I'm doing things right. I have a 13 yr old daughter that I am
taking to see my surgeon this month. She has a great pediatrician who has
gone out of her way to make sure we have done everything else possible for
her before taking this drastic step. We have seen counselors, been on
diets, taken weight loss drugs (which did not thrill me), seen
endocrynologists (sp?), cardiologists, etc. etc. The result? She is still
morbidly obese, and each and every one of these medical professionals is in
support of her having the surgery to improve her health. I personally
cannot fathom some of these answers from people who have had this
surgery--did diets work for you? Did excersize work for you? In our case my
13 y.o. started her period at 10. Her pediatrician says she's done growing.
Would I have made this decision on my own or just on my child's
"wants?" Absolutely NO. However, I do not see where age has
anything to do with it--it is maturity, and health necessity--something
none of us is qualified to answer unless we have an "M.D." after
our name. If you feel she is ready, if this is something SHE wants, then
talk to your pediatrician, cover all the bases to make sure it's not
something else (called "due diligence") and talk to your
bariatric surgeon. BTW, there are many journal articles that I have found
on studies on adolescents who have had the RNY. Of them, there have been no
mortalities (very small study groups though) and the kids have adapted
quite well. Look in the journal of pediatrics and the bariatric surgery
journal.
— sandieguy
April 10, 2002
Oh, and I forgot to say she has the benefit of having seen both her mother
and her three aunts go through the surgery so she's well aware of the
benefits/drawbacks.
— sandieguy
April 10, 2002
I understand wanting to opose this surgery, but some of you have not really
educated yourself on Morbid Obesity. You think there are choices, you
think a parent has control over the childs eating or that the child has
control. Please take the time to learn about this disease. I can't believe
that folks having this surgery still believe it is the victims fault.
— faybay
April 11, 2002
Stephanie, I did not mean to imply that you were a bad parent, just that
this is a situation where you truely want to exhaust all other options
first. I have worked with many diabetic children and found that
nutritional & diabetic education work more to help keep them alive than
anything else, the more they know and learn, the better able they are to
take care of themselves. I also know that for diabetic kids and teens,
many need the help of parents, doctors, nurses and educators to help them
become responsible about their care----it takes several years and many
falls and trips to the ER along the way for most.
Also, I am one of the few who can say that "pushing yourself away from
the table", does work. When first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, I
did just that, and became a gym rat----I lost well over 60 pounds in 2
years. Then our insurance company changed it's mediation formulary, and
during the next year I tried 10 different combinations of medication while
adhering to a 1200-1500 calorie a day diet and still exercising. Each
combination caused me to gain at least 10 pounds. Once my diabetes meds
and blood work were stable, I continued to remain at 297, until the one
drug manufactuer lowered the recomened dosages. I was faced with gaining
more weight while I went on to insulin injections, or have WLS. Knowing
that I had really exhausted all of my options, and that they were medically
documented, I could consider such a drastic step.
I can honestly say that I am one of the few post-op people who really don't
care about how much they weight, if they make their goal weight, or what
dress size they wear----what matters most to me is that I have normal
diabetic blood work and don't worry about diabetic complications.
I appologize if I don't see this situation as others who have/are
considering WLS. Differences of opinion often make things more thought
provoking, how bland would life be if we all always agreed.
— Sue F.
April 11, 2002
I just responded to your other question. About this one. . . There was a
two part newspaper article on this child and the surgery. I have not seen
the articles yet. My friend is saving it for me. It may be a good article
to read. I am thinking it may have insights that may be helpful to you.
If you want more info about it e-mail me [email protected]
— Lisa Marie D.
April 11, 2002
"How hard would it be for her to go to a party and while everyone else
is having pizza and ice cream/cake she has to sit back and watch" -
Perhaps as hard as it were to NOT be INVITED because of size or HEAVEN
FORBID, if she wasn't around to be invited...... Come on, how hard is it
for us? Why would she be any different? Why is the general consensus on
this board that children are no more intelligent than some barnyard
animals?
— Karen R.
April 11, 2002
My only problem with this situation is the maturity level of the child.
There are a lot of responses saying give the kid credit ect. However we
would freak if we found out she was having sex, or pregnate, or decided to
get a tattoo. Why? Because we dont think as a society children of this
age fully comprehend the ramifications of what they are doing. If the
child is very mature or has a long series of counseling to made sure they
are well adjusted, not prone to eating disorders and basically mentally
aware and knowledgeable about the surery I wouldn't have as big a problem
w/ this. I have a 14 yr old brother who is not MO but I still dont think
he is mature enough to make this kind of decision.
— Jennifer H.
April 12, 2002
You may think that the child is mature enough to handle the surgery now
but what about in 3 or 4 years when she starts dating and gets rejected?
Will she turn to food again? She definately will need the support of peers
her age to make this successful for her and I honestly don't think that
there are too many children out there who want to be concerend with this
type of life change. I have a 14 yr old daughter who is thin and very
healthy due to the fact that I taught her good eating habits and ways to
deal with her feelings so that she wouldn't become an emotional eater like
myself.This type of surgery should never be performed on a child.
— Grace N.
April 12, 2002
I can guess that you felt what my mother did watching me grow up. I am 22
now and had the surgery last November. I had a lot of complications that
lasted for 4 months. I almost had it at 19 but was not yet ready to handle
it all. I handled it now in my twenties and it was very hard for me. Each
person is individual but i would say that a 12 year old is not ready to
handle everything that comes with this surgery. Give her time and when and
if she's ready it has to be HER decision, not yours! I wish you all the
best. Love and God Bless!
— Lisa W.
April 12, 2002
Here I am again. A broken record. Grace, you just don't get it. I have
two daughters, one MO and one without a weight problem. I don't take
credit for either girl's weight, only their souls. Please understand.
This is a disease. If it were as easy as you say. my MO, well adjusted
daughter, would not be having surgery on May 6.
— faybay
April 12, 2002
I am 21 years old and considering surgery. Initially I thought "NO!
This shouldn't be done on a child." But then I thought about how much
being thin in high school would have changed my life. To the poster that
started talking about dating and going back to food... I am assuming you
were never an overweight teenager. The chances of this young lady finding
a date at her current weight is practically nil. Without losing the
weight, she probably would have a boyfriend to worry about. I weighed less
than she does when I was her age and I never had a boyfriend until I was 18
years old and in college. I would have rather had diet restrictions than
to have looked how I did then (and now!) I worked with kids this age for a
few years and I think a 12 or 13 year old could handle this. They aren't
stupid. If there are things she knows will get her sick, then there is a
good chance she won't eat those things. It might even be easier for her to
form the good habits now than when she's older. My only concern is that
her body (regardless of her weight) is not done developing. Stephanie, I
think you need to sit down with her and her doctor and have a real long
talk about this. Don't just talk to the doctor alone, let her have some
input. This is her life you are talking about. Good luck to you and her!
— Toni C.
April 12, 2002
My daughter is 13, will be 14 in May. She is 5'6 or 7", and weighs
210 lbs. She is extremely mature, responsible, intelligent, and an all
around fabulous person. She has also just been diagnosed with PCOS, and
insulin resistance, which have contributed to her obesity and will continue
causing difficulty getting her weight under control (we'll be working with
the endocrinoligist and some medication to get the insulin under control).
Having said all this, would I consider surgery for her at this point?
Absolutely not - and mind you, this kid has more going for her than most of
the adults I know. When I see the emotional ravages that adolescent
hormones put her through, I could not put her through this surgery as well.
And yes, I was an obese teen myself, and know the downside of that. We
have talked about it extensively, and agreed that if we can't control it by
the time she is 18, I'll support her wholeheartedly in pursuing the
surgery. and I do mean we, because I am as much a part of the problem as
she is. Our eating habits were not good, and could still be better. As
her parent, I feel *I* need to be setting the example and including her.
That means good nutrition, good habits, lots of exercise that we
participate in together. This may not help her obesity, but it will
certainly help us as a family. I do believe that if I had been raised in a
family where dessert was not mandatory and we got off our butts
occasionally, I would not have struggled the way I did (and still do for
that matter, even with the surgery). She has always had, and I hope
continues to have, a good self-image and understanding that body size does
not define her. I don't look forward to the full-blown teen years, but I'm
not sure any parent does (obese kids or not).
— kateseidel
April 12, 2002
I was overweight as a teenager( sorry to say).I disagree with most people
here that obesity is a disease.I don't feel that it is. I also do think
that the individual has to take responsibility for becoming MO (barring any
medical complications that would cause weight gain).Some people hide behind
the "disease" label and dont't admit to the fact that the
majority of obese children and adults are just plain lazy.And I will be the
first to say that I also include myself in the lazy catagory. I loved K's
post about her daughter. The most important thing we can instill in our
chidren is self acceptance.It is a wonderful gift. I wish your daughter
great sucess.
— Grace N.
April 12, 2002
Grace, what can I say. You sound just like my mother. Everyone else in
the family was thin and I was the lazy tubby one. Thanks for reminding me
how awful and untrue those statements are.
— faybay
April 12, 2002
I have to agree with Fay. I am NOT lazy. Never have been, never will be.
I can keep up with any thin person I know, and I'm so fed up with society
trying to convince me my whole life that I'm a fat, lazy slob who sits
around and eats bon-bons all day. Not true! Whether or not one chooses to
call obesity a "disease" or not is a matter of semantics to me.
All I know is, I have the eating and activity habits of every other person
I know, and I'm one of the only obese people I know. Obesity does not
necessarily equal laziness. I know PLENTY of thin, lazy people!
— Kristie B.
April 12, 2002
I LOVE YOU FAY, YOU GO GIRL
FINALLY SOMEONE OTHER THAN MYSELF WHO REALLY AND TRULY UNDERSTANDS ALONG
WITH ALL THE OTHER "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARRY" MOMS--THANKS FOR ALL
THE POSTINGS AND SUE I'M SORRY FOR YELLING IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
SMOOCHIES
— mischief85
April 12, 2002
To Grace Nelson--I have to say that the comment you made on Obesity not
being a disease is strange. Because anything that eats away at your body
destroying from the inside out, causing excruciating pain at every turn or
move that you make, causes you to on a daily basis consume medication to
just keep your body functioning is a DISEASE. Obesity is a disease simply
because it is hereditary like Cancer, Diabetes or Sickle Cell or any other
disease that can be passed down from Generation to Generation and has
caused one or more family member to Die. I don't Know about anyone else
here but if thats not a DISEASE I don't know what is.
— mischief85
April 12, 2002
Grace, after reading your profile, it sounds like you just want to blame
your parents. That seems to be the popular thing to do these days and you
fell into it! What about the parents of several children and only one is
obese? It obviously isn't the parents fault, as you claim is the case. I
have never been lazy, am not now, and hopefully never will be. That lazy
claim is also unfounded as it is much more work to get through the day as
an MO compared to a thin one. Life is much less work for me having a BMI
of 28, I cannot wait until it is 20-21! Your claims are unfounded, and
there is plenty of research stating that DIETS DON'T WORK!! If they did,
why didn't you just do it that way instead of looking into surgery? In my
case, I could eat large volumes of food at one time. It would take a lot
of food to be full. I was not lazy, not a sugar addict, did not graze or
snack. It just took much more food to fill up my stomach, and therefore
put on the weight. And people on this board don't ask to be attacked, they
are asking for support. Your opinion on this subject is not going to be
very popular here.
— Cheri M.
April 12, 2002
Grace, I have a brother that is 6' 2'' and weighs 130 lbs. He has been
able to out-eat me since day one! Before I had surgery I was 5' 11'' and
361. My mom always had healthy food available for us...the only time I
ever got soda was when I would travel cross-country to visit my
grandmother! My mom didn't make me MO. I did. But, not by being lazy!
I was/am a fantastic long distance swimmer (butterfly mind you!), I was on
the volleyball team, softball and basketball teams from elementary to
graduation. I graduated at 280 lbs (and I looked like a fool in the
uniforms)...but I was NOT Lazy! Not to sound crude, but your comments are
purely ignorant!
For the poster, I wish this surgery would have been available for me at 12.
It would have made me feel better physically and emotionally...but could I
have handled it at 12, 15, 17...NOPE. I wasn't even able to take the
plunge until I was 23. Yes, I did suffer all kinds of pain due to my
weight; but the changes post-op were almost too much for me to handle. I
have a 4-year-old. I see the potential for her to grow up to be MO (and
yes, I only keep healthy foods available!), but her body is doing what it
wants. I wish you the best and I feel for you for having to make such a
hard decision. Best wishes~
— Kristin R.
April 12, 2002
Hi! I felt compelled to respond to your question too. I didn't become obese
as an adult, I was an obese child, who starved herself in hopes of keeping
the weight under some sort of control. I'm pre op and cannot wait to get
going with the help of wls. If I knew about wls back when I was 12, and
knew people who had the surgery and did well with it, I would have wanted
it too. Do I think a 12 year old is old enough for wls? I sure do! Why?
Because we all deserve a chance. I do think it might be wise to have a
complete work up done on your daughter, to rule out some major underlying
endocrine problem that might be treatable without surgery. If all came back
negative, and it was my daughter's life I was trying to save, yes, I'd do
it! Everyone deserves a happy, HEALTHY life, no matter what age. I do think
she could be taught compliance, especially if she has a whole family doing
it with her. then it becomes more natural. My kids are very young, but I am
desperately trying not to teach them my food hangups. Will that prevent
them from becoming MO? I don't know, but I refuse to torture them with
senseless crash diets and poor self esteem. I'm going to do everything in
my power to raise strong, healthy well adjusted, happy kids. Good luck to
you!!!
— NicoleG
April 17, 2002
I'm new to the site, and browsing through the posts, and even though no
one has posted here since the 12th, I HAD to answer. First: Stephanie, I
applaud you for looking into EVERY option for your daughter. You obviously
love her dearly, and it shows. You, more than anyone know her heart, and
maturity level. If this is something she feels ready for, and her doctors
agree...GO FOR IT, and don't let ANYONE make either of you feel like you
made the wrong decision!!! The longer she stays MO, the more chances she
has of dying because of it. I believe the risks of surgery are less than
the risk of not having it. SECOND: I was not MO, but definitely more than
chubby at her age... I still remember my mom buying my 501's and that the
waist was bigger than my inseam. (34w 32l) I was so embarrassed. Growing
up fat was horribly painful. I never dated, never went to a formal
dance..not even my own senior prom, and was on the promiscuous side when I
did go out, just to make the boys like me. I would not wish my adolecence
on ANYONE. Having the surgery now will give your daughter all the
opportunities that she will miss out on being MO. THIRD: Grace, you
REALLY need to get your facts straight before you come to a place like this
& accuse all fat people of eating too much and lazziness! My mother
rarely gave me junk food, encouraged me to exercise, put me in dance,
gymnastics, and swim lessons, etc.. and I STILL ended up MO. I have NEVER
been lazy, and up until my pain worsened about a year ago, I could run
circles around many of my "thin" counterparts. I eat less than
almost everyone I know and STILL gain weight. I have been on hundreds of
diets, and several drugs, and nothing has been successful. I HAVE even
tried psychiatrists, and hypnosis. My husband is 5'10" and 160lbs
soaking wet....he eats like a HORSE and never gains a pound. I eat about
1/4 - 1/3 the amount of food he does, and gain rather than lose. I am NOT
the cause of my obesity....and neither is anyone else the cause of theirs.
I could go on and on about your insensitivity, but since so many others
already have, I will just say that I concur with them.
Stephanie, I will keep you and your daughter in prayer. One thing I know
for sure...God is always in control. His plan is always perfect, and if it
is His will that your daughter have the surgery, I know that He will pave
the way for it to be done. Blessings to you both!!
— Stefanie M.
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