I need to talk to someone

I thought I had 3 really good friends, but maybe I was wrong. One is having a lot of problems, and she is a doll, just love her to death. Another one has just seemed to drop me, I hear from her every once in a while, let's say maybe 2 times out of a month, if I am lucky. Another one talked too me about problems she was having, and begged me not to tell anyone, but lo and behold, she had another friend tell everyone, and this is the friend she specifically told me not to say anything to her cause she is known for telling other people about the conversations she has with you, even when you tell her it's private. Maybe I am just rambling on here, just feeling like I have no support lately. Thanks for letting me vent.

I have been there many times. It is very hard to find a good friend. I have not had the surgery yet but if you need someone to talk to I am online most of the day because I have a desk job and get breaks now and then. I know what it feels like to just have to vent.

Sometimes I hate to say but some people are only your friends because they need a self esteem lift if you know what I mean they like us fat because it make them look better or feel better about them self (not everyone). You hear a lot of that on here where people are not so friendly once you start to better yourself. I hope I am wrong but it is true a lot of people have posted about this same thing happening. Just remember it is not you!! Keep up the great work and you always have us!!

I have to agree with you. I had a couple of friends when I received my promotion or bought my house would suddenly stop speaking to me for a while. I lost 50 lbs once and people got upset....asking why are you doing this?

Dee, I hope the third friend doesn't really think that you're the one who told her business. It's strange how we are sometimes the shoulders for others, but when we need someone to lean on it seems that no one is available. Your first two friends seem to be preoccupied with their own issues, so you don't have the opportunity to talk to them about the third friend, no? Anyway, we're here for you. It's okay to vent, even in writing. So long as you get "it" off your chest. It's healthier and hopefully you'll feel better. DeeDee (P.S. You're Dee S. and I'm DeeDee S! )

Well, you can always come here and talk to us. We won't tell anyone and we want to support you. Jeannine

People in the USA use the word friend way too liberally. I learned this over the years from the Europeans that I have met and had stay in my home. They are very literal people and feel that black is black, not a shade of black. When they use the word friend you are a friend with a person only in the true definition of the word. I am very cautious using the word friend with people. I keep in mind what I said about eariler with the Europeans. I only refer to a person as my friend if I have known them for an extended period (minimum 6-12 months) of time and they have been there through thick and thin with you and I have really gotten to know their whole person and soul. I will only think in my mind or refer verbally about a person that I have met as an acquaintance, someone I just met or someone I know instead of loosely using the word friend. A person can save themselves a lot of heartbreak like what you are going through right now when you keep that in mind. Also keep in mind that as a person looses weight they find that they have so much more energy than they did pre op and now it seems like they are constantly on the go. They might be renewing old interests or have found new hobbies, whatever. I know that it has happened to me. I am a totally different person than I was 4 years ago at this time in my life. You may need to look around for a soul mate that lives a little closer to you, someone from your doctor's support group that you can get together with over coffee or just go for a walk or sit at one another's house and just gab. Chris

Dee sorry to hear you are going through this. It seems that many of us do. I too have several so called "friends" that were always around when I was fat. But now that I have lost some of the weight, they are no longer there. If you need a shoulder, I am here. (((HUGS))) Shelley

Thanks Shelley, I just think I had better find a support group, I have outgrown my other one, it is mainly preops, so it is usually the same thing over and over. Dee

Dee I just read your post and sorry I haven't been around much. I hope things are better now. If you want you can email me @ [email protected]