You're going through so much, you poor dear. I at least had the benefit of going through the process with my husband and knew what he had to go through. I had the same anxiety attack with my first sleep study and walked out. But I was able to go back again the next night. I had a wonderful tech who was able to distract me from my fears.

The first couple of weeks were hell and I had a ritual that I couldn't stray from or I wouldn't sleep. It took me forever to get used to the feeling of the nose piece. I still struggle on occasion when I've had a stressful day. You see, I'm not only dealing with the CPAP, I'm dealing with a baby on the way and a possible divorce in the process so I totally get your anxiety.

I know it's hard, but I can honestly tell you that the CPAP has changed my life and has made me a better functioning person. I'm able to think clearer and be more active with my first born. I still have nights like this where things are too much. I have to be comfortable and can't be in any pain or be given any time to overthink my situation.

To address some of your concerns...

Don't worry about the threat from your doctor that he/she won't do the surgery unless you wear the mask. That's a poor motivator and he/she obviously has never had to go through what you're going through. Your anxieties are 100% normal. My tech told me that most people do just fine using the nose piece. I've learned to strap it on and take several normal, calm breaths before starting the machine. Exhale as you push the button then inhale once it comes on. Also, a meditation audio or video that helps you focus on your breathing might help you drive out other outside distractions or have your husband sing something soothing to you. Breathe normally.

As far as your daughter freaking out seeing the mask...you'd be surprised. My son has seen me with it and he's about 4. If you're that concerned, show her the mask and let her handle it, maybe even turn it on so she can feel the airflow. Explain that it gives mommy air so she can sleep better. You don't have to get technical. Tell her that it doesn't hurt and that more air helps mommy's body strong so she can sleep good.

And they have tons of other options for sleep apnea, but the CPAP sounds to be the best for your situation. I know it's hard to believe, but it really does make such a difference in how you feel everyday. You'll have struggles on occasion no matter how long you've been on the machine. But the important thing is that you acknowledge your anxieties and understand why you're feeling the way you are.

Here are some common misconceptions people have about this machine from my experience:

1.  If it shuts off for some reason, I'll stop breathing and might not start again.--Not true. The worst that will happen is that you'll wake up. The machine won't take away your brain's natural instincts.

2.  I can't move in my sleep because the hose restricts me.--This seems to be one of your bigger issues. Sleep with your machine close. I've often woken in the middle of the night and turned onto my back or side. Sleep how you feel comfortable. Make your husband move to accomodate the length of the hose if you want to snuggle.

3.  I don't have sleep apnea. I'm just overtired from my life.--This one I tailored for you based on your post. Honey, yes you're overtired. But think about it. Oxygen is a basic need for people. When we don't get oxygen, our poor starved brains can't process as well, can't respond as well...I read a study that said sleep apnea starves the white matter of the brain and slowly kills it. This same study showed that when people with sleep apnea used the machine, over time, the white matter began to heal. Not that its a cure necessarily, but that it helps bring back your ability to function daily. You'll feel groggy and sore at first, but you'll soon start to feel energized.

4.  It makes my nose hurt and even bleed.--My doctor told me use KY Jelly on my the outside of my nostrils to reduce the friction of the nose piece. It's worked wonderfully.

I know that you said you were on anxiety pills...sometimes those, ironically, can have the side effect of amping you up even more. I swear by Tylenol PM lately.

Some other tips I've picked up...

1.  Don't go to bed unless you're yawning and tired.--If you do, it leaves time for you to build anxiety over the machine and makes things worse. Maybe sit in a chair beside your bed and talk to your husband until you're ready to go to sleep. If you wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep, don't lay in bed and stew. Get up and do something to get your mind off of it.

2.  Don't use your bed for anything but sex and sleep.--This is big because otherwise you train your brain that it's okay to be awake when you should be sleeping.

3.  Don't overthink it.--You're associating sleep time with getting on the machine. Don't. Sleep time = Time to go to sleep. Pure and symbol. The machine is just a tool to help with that. If you think too much about the process of preparing and using the machine, it'll get to you every time. Prepare your machine well in advance so you can just slip it on and breathe.

4.  A short walk no less than an hour before bedtime can relax you.--It's true. Not only do I take an evening walk, I try to stay active during the day so I'm good and tired before bed. It releases "happy" endorphins that make you feel good and serves as it's own natural pain reliever and anxiety pill.

5.  Lighter meals before bedtime reduce stomach issues and eliminate the distraction of gas and upset stomach.--A lighter meal before bed and no less than an hour before bedtime can mean your stomach isn't still digesting. When I say light, I mean something fairly bland with no acids, like a salad with no dressing. I know it doesn't sound the most appetizing, but it really does help.

6.  Most importantly--don't be afraid to get up and stretch or take a warm shower to relieve aches. Laying in bed in pain isn't going to help you sleep. Best to relieve the pain than to just deal with it. It'll only distract you and cause you more anxiety.

Doc is now saying I probably don't have a leak because I do had 4.5ccs. He said if there was a leak the band should have been empty. He said could've been air in the band or a piece of food stuck for a long time that finally passed. Has anyone ever heard of anything like this???

Hi coleen,my name is lydia,and I had a rny in 02 as well I weighed 336,and I gained back the weight over the years,so I looked into the lab and and I had it in 2013,and ND now I'm down to 155 sometimes it fluctuate, but I know that I don't regret the journey,now I just want to get my arms done,but I don't know how to get my insurance to pay for it

Your Dr. needs to do a Flush Fill or even a fill done under Fluoroscopy. In the first they remove all Saline and Check the records to make sure what they placed in your band is still there. the Latter is to actually view on X-rays the Saline being put into the port.

A replacement of the tubing is SURGERY, IMHO that's not Easy.

Aspiration is because the band was too tight and can cause pneumonia even death if aspirated into the lungs.

So sorry that you had post -op complications from your C-section :( but you Need to find out what is happening with your band.

A high index of suspicion is required for diagnosis of band erosion as most patients are asymptomatic. When symptomatic, complaints related to erosion include loss of restriction, nonspecific epigastric pain, gastrointestinal bleeding, intra-abdominal abscesses or port-site infection.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3038361/?report=classic

How's your process of getting that band revised to sleeve going ? I'll be revised to sleeve may 9