Really P*ssed at DH and MIL!!

Venting ....

My DH took the kids to his parents for Sunday night dinner (I was working).  That's fine with me.

So, as usual, before they go to bed, the kids call me.  DH proceeded to tell me that he took his sister aside and told her about my surgery.  What!  He then says that she already knew because his mother told her.  WTF!  How did she find out?  I know for sure I didn't tell her, because I know she can't keep a secret with her lips sewn shut!!  MIL spreads news faster than Twitter.

I reallly railed him out!!!  I was so pissed and upset.  How dare he tell anyone without my permission - especially since I had already told him to not tell anyone!!  I can't even think about this without getting angry and feeling hurt.  It's nobody's business but mine, and only I have the right to tell people.  I've only told a few people myself, and only 4 people in my very large family.  Now more of his family knows than mine.

I've try to talk to MIL, but she's never home lately.  I'm actually glad I didn't go to dinner - I would have lost it right there in front of everyone.

.... vent over.

I can understand your upset - my SIL has loose lips too and I was a wee bit distressed when I found out that my mother had told her about my WLS.  Then I looked at the reasoning - I believe my mom was nervous/scared about it and needed to vent herself and talk about it to someone, other than me. Perhaps your husband needed a little reassurance or support, without concerning you with his feelings.

good point, Karen.

You know I did not want a lot of people to know that I was going for surgery. There was many reasons why and I can remember my husband telling this person and that person and I was very upset with him at first. Than I realized he was scared and he needed support also. It was not just about me what I was going to do would affect him and he was worried about if I did not make it etc. Please don't be to upset with your husband maybe he needs support from his mom. Just a thought

I was going to say the same as Karen actually....

While I completely understand your frustration and anger, and with every right as well....maybe he just needed to talk to someone about it? Maybe he was worried that if he sounded doubtful to you, he would come across as being unsupportive?

I agree with the others. It is a life style change for both of you. You have the support of your Hubby, as well as the discussion board. You have the few friends who know, but you have to look at his side. Who does he have? My wife is scared sh&$less, she did a lot of research, and like many spouces, tried to find the negitive side and try to change my mind. Today, she is 100% on board, and most of the family.

Put it this way, if there was to be another power failure like several years ago, or worst, like Japan, you have just lost your social network suport group. You must rely on your family. If you kept them in the dar****il after the fact, then if something goes wrong, what do you think they will think or do? You need them to understand, and to be supportive. Talk to them and answer any of thier questions. You may be supprised, they may have been through it with some-one else. They are your number one support group, then us in th electronic world, not the other way round.

If you tell one person you've told 10 or more. I told my husband and no one else until after surgery. Then I told my parents and my sister.
Only because I kind of had to , I thought me eating a cup of food at Christmas Dinenr might be too much for them to handle. Now I'm still over 200lbs and my mother is saying "don't get too thin your gonna need it (fat) if you get sick" ugh. Family sucks.

It wasn't nice of your husband to betray your trust like that.

Question though - how are you dealing with these stresses - i sense there have been quite a few things that have gotten you upset and angry - are you dealing with these emotions with food? Are you a stress eater or a comfort eater?. Step one is to be aware - step two is to find alternative ways to deal (yanno clean the toilet with his toothbrush, go for a walk, play with the dog take some you time to read/craft or engage in a hobby. Cause if you use food to calm or if anger triggers you - this won't stop because you have the surgery - you'll need to deal with this for long term success.

Thanks for all the comments and various perspectives. 

DH did come to the orientation with me and has read the St. Joe's handbook, so he basically knows what I know.  If he had asked me if he could tell his sister before he actually did, I would have said "no".  No one in his family can keep it shut.  MIL will tell everyone everything, not from worry (which she is an expert at), but just to gossip.  If I had a hangnail, everyone would know.

My hurt and anger was from him breaking my direct request to not tell anyone, regardless of who they are.  If he needs to talk to someone, then he can talk to his BFF.  At least him I can trust to keep quiet about it.  Now he knows how upset I was, he won't do it again.

You can't control who he feels he wants to discuss it with.  Perhaps his BFF isn't the type of person he needs to talk to.  The minute one person knows, you need to be prepared for the world to know whether you like it or not.