what are your thoughts....Please

I have a dilemma...
My cousin is just over a year out from her RNY...( I am over 3 years)..
I have watched her over the last while fall off the wagon..I have made casual remarks..and she replies with after this week..after vacation... i will get back on  track.   ( I am not perfect with following the rules..) I see her going down the wrong road, she has started smoking again and has an appointment with the PS In August...
I am scared for her, she just told me her plan for getting back on track, she has ordered Optifast from New Zeland, and plans on doing a "Cleanse" of Optifast and Carnation instant breakfast for a week...This is so wrong, I love her to death just not sure how to handle this???


Thank you all for your input...
After some thought..i am going to try to lead by example..and STICK TO THE RULES better, and when she is OPEN have a heart to heart and voice my concerns and let her know I am scared for her and her get back on track plan..

 I am a newbie and no psych expert but have to wonder if she's getting something she needs by either bending the rules or gaining the weight?  The 2 tracks I would pick one of would be tough love, kick her butt all over the place, or let her fly her own course recognizing she's an adult and needs to make her own mistakes, you've done what you can do to direct her.  

I have done the lemon juice/cayenne pepper "cleanse" so many times I get Christmas cards from the lemon farmers and spice merchants!  Gave me results but they were short term and afterwards I always gained more than I lost.  I think its in our nature to look for quick fixes, even if in our brains we know they ain't gonna work.  

That is all I got, sorry.  Hope you find your peace with her actions.  Regards, Ian 

 I know what you are saying.  My husband also had rny after me, maybe 6 months?    He's gained, takes no vits, drinks coke, drinks with his meals, never watches what he eats....  it's hard.  And for a long time I struggled thinking that is was going to be wonderful to have someone to eat with that will eat like me..  it was heart breaking actually to watch him break all the rules.   It's hard to watch him have zip energy cause his iron is so low, it's disgusting.   It's hard knowing he doesn't care if he goes back to Utica for followups.   But you know, it's his life.  It's his choice.    There is nothing I can say or do to change any of this.   All I can do is look after me, be a good example, don't criticize , so if he needs me, I'll be there. 

Bonnie

Could you tell her you care about her and would like to help? Maybe you could ask her if she would like some advice from you (before you actually give any).

If she is hell bent on the optifast route perhaps you could suggest the 5 -day pouch test instead. (Seems much less expensive).

What about the two of you exercising together?

Does your cousin live near you?  Maybe you two could go to either a support meeting or a coffee night together.  Seeing others at different stages might help encourage her to get back on track.  Maybe hearing things from someone that's not as close will help as well.

Cathy

It's a difficult thing, there is no doubt about it.  I have gone through this as well and there's no easy right answer here.  Some people quite honestly are not ready for the surgery.  Running the support group, I've seen many people that are not ready and are heading for failure.  I saw a lot of them when we had the quickie process years ago of going to the States.  It was all about getting the surgery done as quickly as they could, and then they were totally unprepared.  That's why there is a failure rate.  I've realized that there are so many mental health issues that go along with this surgery and that some people cannot deal with their head and food issues.  That's why I try to tell newbies to SLOW down and learn about themselves and their surgery of choice.  This is a life long journey and we  only get one shot to do it right.

As for your cousin, it's a hard thing - but I think you can only talk to her when SHE is ready. People that don't want to hear, won't listen.  You have to approach her when it's a moment that she's open, that she's asking for an opinion or she's not feeling headstrong. Otherwise you are only talking to yourself and you risk making her even more angry.   People in the situation can feel like you are being condescending to them.  The right time is VERY key here. 

I wish you all the best and I pray that your cousin can turn it around.  It's very difficult to watch someone you care for fail at the journey.  I think that it is wonderful that you have her best interests at heart.

Dawn

Hi Izzy - Sorry to bug you, but I got hit the 100 pound mark and want a Century Card....how do I get one? Thanks!
Harold

Harold, I'm not really suree how to go about getting the century card, but I think if you click on Izzy's you could copy it somewhere and change it, then add it to your signature.

 Izzy,

I just read this thread yesterday.  Perhaps you can print it out for her.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4551300/I-am-scared/


It must be difficul****ching someone you love, taking the wrong path!  Hugz!