Somedays Are Complete......

Mind F#*%K's!!!

Pardon my choice of words there but seriously!  I just can't get over what an amazing tool Weight Loss Surgery is.  This journey has so many ups and downs with some days being far harder than others but the good days stand out far more than the hard days the further out I seem to get from my surgery day. 

I ran 3.5 KM today.  Run?  Me?  The only thing I ran for before was the ice cream truck!!  The images I see reflected back to me in store windows as I pass makes me stop and squint my eyes to see if that's really me.  Some days I look at myself and still see the 390 pounds of weight I carried around and I feel so discouraged waiting for my mind to catch up to my body but then there are so many NSV's that it's hard not to really sit back and go....Wow my body is changing. 

Things lately that have been really taking my mind for a spin include.....

Realizing I hardly fit into many clothes at Pennington's and Aditionelle - 2 stores I've shopped at since I was a teenager. What a mind trip this is and I actually feel frightened and overwhelmed about venturing out into the LARGE world of normal sized clothing - do I actually have a style that exists outside of Penningtons and Aditionelle? 

Seeing the silver line of separation clearly beside my thigh and the next seat when I am riding the subway to work AND actually having people sit down next to me every single time I ride the subway. 

Running, swimming, walking, biking......wowsa!  I actually am enjoying these things!  Is that even possible?

I still remember waking up from my surgery all pissed off because I had the VSG and here I am 160 pounds down from my highest weight. 

Unfreakingbelieveable!!! 

I am having such an identity crisis and every day I still feel like I am having a battle with good choices vs bad choices BUT...and it's a BIG BUT....I continue to make the good choices and it actually makes me kind of proud of myself. 

People don't recognice me anymore......hell I don't even recognize myself sometimes!  What's going on?

I wish I had known about weight loss surgery long before I did but...no regrets....only moving forward!  31 more pounds till 199, 34 pounds until I am no longer obese, 40 pounds until 200  pounds lost.....and then I can only hope for a healthy BMI but even if that doesn't ever come.....I still think I did dang good! 

Very inspiring thanks for posting

Wow you have done a GREAT job!  Fantastic!!!  :)

That is SUPER AWESOME! You did dang good alright!

You have done very well, you have allot to be proud of.

DANG!  You have dun good gurl! (Can ya hear my twangy accent!)
Sandy

Great to read.  Had someone approach me today and say her daughter just went to the class in Guelph and she was worried.  She asked me if I would do it again if I could go back and I told her hell yes.  Wish I was like her daughter and could have done it in my 20's!

 Beautiful post.  Congrats on all your amazing achievements to date. You are rocking your VSG.  Keep up the great work and keep us posted. 

Andrea. 

Thanks for your post.

The fear is normal I think.

Someone said "the only people who are normal are people you don't know well".

I read a book once called FAT IS A FEMINIST ISSUE which discussed the uses we have for fat, defensive mostly, [ie a high number of incest survivors get fat later (not that that's everyone!)] but it was an interesting read for some of the reasons people like me might chose to be fat. Its thesis was that once you resolve these issues, you will stop chosing to be fat, and the weight will come off.

(a delightful fantasy !)

Letting go of what might be seen as an insulating barrier between you and the world is a new world.

Personally I don't get much attention from guys at my current weight, and when thinner I do, which is both nice and scary, as I haven't built up normal ways to sort out losers from winners.

Anyway, really loved your post, thanks for posting.

that's crazy,isnt it???

you're so awesome!

all thos NSVs are so incredibly wonderful, and so rewarding, and sooooo inspiring!