Told a frenemy

I told a lady today who I used to be close with, worked with until a couple years ago.  We used to be tight, until she did somethings that hurt me. I tranfserred office to get away from her and limited my contact with her.

Well today she walks in when Im getting my mani pedi, we start chatting. Basic stuff.

She asked me to go to Subway next door to have lunch together. I agreed.

Now, She battled weight problems all her life. She is approx 500lbs. I told her I have decided to move forward with Gastric bypass.

She said good for me, then said you know you are gonna turn into a b*tch when you are thin. My eyes popped.. she laughed.

and repeated it, she was serious.

I told her I dont think I will, I think Im in a good headspace and I dont think my attuide will change. She laughed again and said yeah, thats cause you are still fat. Wait till you are skinning and whoring around. She continued to say, its ok. She would be the same if she choose to.

My question is.. did anyone find that ppl they know said that they changed after they lost weight?  Im not taking it on from her, I have learnt to detach from her. But it did make me wonder what everyone else dealt with from, friends, co worker and family member

have had to deal with a whole range of opinions, prejudices, and misconceptions.  After a while I just cut to the chase and if someone is being an idiot, whether they are obese or not, I tell them they're being an idiot.  And move on.  Good luck on your journey, enjoy the ride!  

I think people change. I don't think we have any choice but to. Our entire lives change, how we feel, how we look at ourselves, how we move, etc. 

Having said that....I don't think you're going to "turn into a *****" when you lose weight. I do, however, think that your "friend" is already a ***** for saying that to you.

"I don't think you're going to "turn into a *****" when you lose weight. I do, however, think that your "friend" is already a ***** for saying that to you."

I could not have said it better - that's one woman with serious anger and jealousy issues.

Jenn.  :)

Oh Jenn,, If you only knew half to it. Thus why I call her a frenemy.

Have to still be diplomatic with her because of work. But she can be toxic.

Thanks

Mandalious,

Although everyone is different, and I suspect that woman is the reason hospitals put up so many signs to that say things like, "To earn respect, you must give it", and, "No abuse of staff will be tolerated", I think people change after WLS, but only for the better. 

To begin with, we have all been obese and we know and have been greatly affected and deeply hurt at times by all the prejudice and even well-meant 'helpful' suggestions on how to lose weight from our friends and family.  We know how fragile an overweight person can be - I think perhaps after surgery we try our best not to cause any overweight person the pain that we felt when we were overweight even a little more so than when we were in their shoes.  When you're freed from daily frustration and hurt, I think you become automatically more compassionate, since you're not dealing with so much pain of your own.  After all, we were not/are not overweight because we we/are 'bad' people, we were probably all psychologically bruised people who used food for comfort and in perhaps in place of acceptance, love, affection and relationships.  We may have denied that and made excuses for overeating, but that did not mean we were bad people.  Nor does any path we took to gaining our weight make us bad people.

How we could possibly change for the worst, and become "whoring" or "b@ches" is beyond me.  I think our self esteem rises and we become happier people - which is not to say that weight loss or surgery cures all our psychological problems or heals our bruised egos and mental conditions fully - but I do believe it certainly helps those matters (in varying degrees in different people), and that gives us the opportunity to really think about what we need to do for ourselves and what we can do for others and for our health, and it gives us the opportunity to dream, perhaps for the first time since we were very young of all the things we might do and achieve with our new bodies and a dose of confidence.  I hope to become a scuba diver one day, not a *****  Her comments seem almost laughable, except she obviously believes them.  Perhaps she was abused as a child/youth and hasn't learned to direct her anger appropriately?

She certainly sounds like she's very toxic and surely can't fit into society very well with her attitudes - if she tells too many people about them.  Although she is large now, she has no problem being a spiteful, jealous b@tch.  I just am shocked that she thinks that her thoughts are appropriate to share with anyone but a therapist! 

I hope you don't run into her again very soon.

Don't let her jealousy  influence you at all in your own WLS journey!  I'm sure she will think up more negative comments about WLS in the future and no doubt tell you it's the 'easy way out' - changing your whole life & mindset is not an easy way out, never mind changing your body forever through surgery.

Write to us (& PM me if you want) on the OH forum, and try to attend a support meeting or two every month to prepare for your surgery.  There is so much great advice, support, genuine well-wishers, and fonts of knowledge here.  I also found buying the recommended cookbooks before surgery and trying out their recipes allowed me to convince myself that I wouldn't feel like I was dieting after surgery.  The TWH handed us out a list of cookbooks and there is also a great one written by people from the HRRH that the TWH didn't mention.  I could list them for you.

Jenn.

You are sweet and kind.  I am not taking her on.

I have bought a couple of WLS books, and enjoy them.

I have been to one support group and they were so awesome. Just w the summer craziness I haven't made it back. I will have to make it out again soon

i have taken the time to build a solid support network in person, on line and support groups. I truly feel like I will be successful and be ridiculously happy w my new found freedom of movement and being able to do whatever I want! 

Feel free to pm also. You are such a kind soul

Thank you,

You are really too kind!

Jenn.  :)

Well said Tab.....Krista..

Funny!  I wish there was a Like button because those were some pretty truthful words.