Lonely World

Super morbid obesity is a lonely place to be. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. My surgery date is 9/4, it feels so far away. I just want to start on my journey to something new. I have no friends am I don't expect my surgery to get me some. But I do hope the surgery gets me on the path to liking myself better because when you cannot be your own friend, it doesn't get much lonelier. Pity party over.

i'm right there with ya.  over the past decade with the weight and being sick with other crap ... i've just pulled myself out of all social situations and only friends i have i see once or twice a year maybe.  it blows, kicking myself for doing that but what is done is done.

actually had my first night out to a bar tonight, at a bit over 3 months after surgery.  starting to feel a lot better about myself, but still felt out off place amongst all the skinny peoples (and one had 1/4 sitting options open to me due to weight!).  but i'll get there eventually.  the harder thing will be to reintegrate socially ... i can barely put 2 sentences together when talking to a stranger, i get so self conscience.  thinking about getting some help for that.  i got a tool for weight loss, need one for social stuff.  lol.

Angie5005, September is just around the corner.  I am sorry you're feeling alone, but I'm glad you posted here.  I think we've all felt your loneliness at one point or another in our lives so we feel your pain.  Things will get better, I promise.

Fiona

You will not believe how fast the time will fly.

I got my date in May, and surgery is Monday  morning.  I have been antsy this past week just waiting for the day to get here.  The time went by so much faster than I ever expected it to.

And you ARE starting on your journey to something new.  It just takes a little bit to get going.  The fact that you have had your consult and have a date is the first step. 

Is there a support group you can start attending?  I began attending one back in April on the recommendation of my therapist.  It has been a big help being around people who know what I am struggling with and who have been there. 

Best of luck to you.  You are on a path to better health!

Get your head in the right place before surgery. This surgery is only a tool---not the answer to everything. This will still be hard and you need to really keep focused. I understand your pain and loneliness. I spent my childhood ashamed of my weight and feeling unworthy of being loved because I was so fat. But you can make your life so sweet by taking charge of it. You only have this one life so why waste it wallowing in sorrow and sadness? You are taking the first step and don't stop until you have accomplished what you want. Follow a good food plan, exercise, get in your protein, keep your carbs and calories low and STAY FOCUSED. Listen to the successful ones here on OH. You absolutely can do it. Good luck--September is just around the corner.

Start your journey right now. The goal is health and WL - not to get surgery. If you can, get into therapy asap....surgery will only do a small part in changing the way you feel about yourself. Most of it is mental...yes being smaller helps but i realized once I hit my lowest weight, I still hated my body, my self esteem was ****etc. There are just different issues to deal with. 

Im 2 years out and JUST starting to realize what I need to do to start liking and loving myself

And...honestly, i have made some of my bestest friends here on OH that I love with all my heart and that support me every single day for years. So sometimes WLS can open the door to new friends - surround youself with healthy people who are on the same path and you  never what can happen. 

Hi Angie,

I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely.  Part of it is "the human condition" -  we are alone in the world, and part of our human nature is to need connection.  Another part of it is feeling different and less than others because of our physical condition of obesity. 

There was an interesting experiment done in the 1950's where a school teacher in the mid west wanted her students to understand what it was like to be discriminated against.  So one day she told all the blue eyed children that they were superior, and diminished the brown-eyed kids, telling them they were inferior.  Then she reversed the process the next day.  what was surprising about the experiment was how quickly the children bought into the roles and how devastating the effects of the diminishing.  If you are interested, check it out on wiki under "Blue eyes, brown eyes."

In our culture, obese people are treated like they are less than others.  We are often ignored.  often dismissed.  And the impact of this is huge - even if we know better. 

I think that we need to keep this in mind and develop strategies to care for ourselves.  Counseling, meditation, our faith in God,  inspirational reading,  creative activities like art and music, building things, developing skills, participating in volunteer organizations,  compassion for others and helping others - the list is long.  All these things help us build a healthier image of ourselves.

So hang in there.  You are, in fact, not alone.  We are with you in the loneliness and in the process of healing,  in the weight loss struggle, and the surgery and recovery.

best wishes,

Carol

You have already started your journey by summoning up the courage to do something. Hopefully you are part of a WL team including a psychiatrist, nutritionist, and physical therapist. You need to use the next 2 months to get your mind around how you are going to eat post-op, begin physical activity, and seek counseling if possible.

VSG makes this easier, but it will not BE easy.

a lot of good advice here...I am fortunate that I have been in therapy for a while now, so I think that has helped me post-surgery with some of the social and emotional effects...you are on your way

Hi Angie,

As others have posted, you have already made the most important step by making the decision to change things.

Make yourself a list of goals to accomplish by your surgery date. It is very important to prove to yourself that you can meet goals. Also, look on the bright side, you have a surgery date! It breaks my heart to read posts in here where someone's insurance turned them down. I have my surgery scheduled 3 weeks from now and time has flown by. I am blessed to have a wonderful support group in my wife and kids, but I always come here for additional encouragement. My family can't relate to everything I am going through mentally. I have been lonely too, so I understand.  Finding a local support group would enable you to make new friends that understand what you are going through. Continue to come here to OH and receive encouragement and support. Lastly, don't let numbers on the scale dictate who you are. September will be here before you know it!! Good luck!!  

Todd