Advice for overweight daughter

Hello everyone, I hope everyone is doing well. I am maintaining my weight loss from my RNY 3 years ago, holding steady between 118-122 lbs. I am doing very well, overall. I am writing tonight to seek advice. My heart is breaking as I watch my 11 year old daughter struggle with her weight. It has become increasingly problematic. She currently weighs 122 lbs and is only 4 foot 8 inches tall. And she is only 11.  I have been very gently trying to discuss my concerns with her and recently she came to me, and told me that she is concerned with her weight. My poor little baby, on her own, began looking on the computer for summer camps for children who are overweight.  She found one that she fell in love with and she goes to their site daily. They have a contest going on in which she could win a three week stay there. She, on her very own, printed all the rules and wrote an essay, all in her very own words.. She asked me to read it for her and I had to pretend I had to go to the bathroom because I nearly burst into tears as I read it. All in her own words, was her struggle. Her heart tugging struggle at such a young age! She is determined to enter this contest and I support her 100%. We are mailing the packet tomorrow. Her poor little heart is set on going, b ut I tried to explain that there were probably many, many applicants so I didn't want her to get her hopes up too high, in the event she wasn't chosen. If she as ever chosen, she would be beyond happy. I was so impressed with what she wrote, and all on her own. It actualy took my breath away that she was able to articulate how she felt in such a profound way.  In any event, my daughter wants desperately to lose weight. Whether she goes to this cam*****t, she wants to lose weight. She is at that age now where she wants to wear certain things and her looks are important to her. A kid at her school made fun of her recently and it broke her heart (and mine when she told me). I need some advice, guys. How can I help my little girl lose weight, but not dwell on it so much that she becomes obsessed? I am a single mom and return home from work at 6:00 p.m. I work a second job two nights per week as well as a 10 hour shift on Sundays, to make ends meet. However, I am willing to do whatever it takes to help her. She wants this on her very own and has began talking about it daily. She so desperately wants to be thinner.

Does anyone have any tips or advice? I am so hoping for suggestions on how to get her on the right track. Are there programs such as weigh****chers for children? I am looking into exercise places, but I think I need some professional diet assistance as well. It is so hard because she wants to be thinner yet when I suggest healthier snacks or meals, she doesn't always want these things. I love to cook but the things I enjoy making, she doesn't especially like. She will definitely need to get into the mind set of trying new things and I will encourage her, but I definitely need some help in this department. Please help, guys. There is nothing worse than seeing your child follow in your footsteps in the wrong way.....I want to help her now so she doesn't have to worry about her weight as a teen and as an adult. Please help me help her! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hugs, Denise

HI Denise I have an 11 year old who weighs 97 pounds she tells me everyday that she is fat and I tell her she is not and looks beautiful she is suddenly developing too. Since I had my WLS I have been having fat free and sugar free stuff in the house and we are eating in almost every meal. I am cooking healthy foods and my kids don't even realise which is great. I have even started giving her whole wheat bread in her lunches and no complaints and those 100 calorie snacks are great and always a fruit and vegetable. We have a school Basket ball team and a program called girls ont he run so the kids are busy almost every day after school with some form of excercise. I am putting her into Boxing in September as she is going to sleepover camp for the summer and tends to lose weight during that time. If you would like to pm me I am also a nutritionist and I can help you with some meal and menu planing too. Good luck

Hi Elisa, Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing! I would love to take you up on your offer for some meals tips and ideas. My e-mail is [email protected]. Thanks so much! Hugs, Denise

Hi Denise Drat I wrote a long long response to this but then lost it. The upshot is like most people on here I suggest exercise with the addition that it should be in the form of sport, 6 times a week. I'll try to not theorise on this. As far as diet goes try to keep it as old fashioned as possible with less refined starches and sugars and then give her one day off a week for any treats she might want.

I'd suggest getting her into therapy with someone who's experienced both with kids and with weight issues. Please tell me you have decent mental health coverage? (It's a rarity, I know *sigh*).  She needs to figure out why she's eating. I have a recent blog entry on my profile where I talk a bit about the concept of having an eating INorder, not an eating DISorder. In other words, it's important to get to the root of the matter, and the approach that helped me the most was to start finishing the sentence, "I'm eating in order to......"  That might or might not be a useful approach for a child; I have no clue about child psychology. But perhaps you get the idea I'm trying to convey, that there's a lot going on in there that is probably going to contribute to sabotaging even the best efforts at weight loss.  I'd sure hate to see such a young kid on the diet merrygoround :-(. I'd already been on several such trips by the time I was eleven and it just messed me up worse.

Hi Elizabeth, I agree that a counselor would be a benefit and yes, I have excellent medical coverage (I work for a human service agency and our insurance is quite good). I know what you mean about the dieting thing, but the bottom line is, we do need to change her way of eating while incorporating activity. I just want to do it in a way that is healthy and teaches her lifelong habits. I thought I was doing well with this on my own, but right in front of my eyes, she is gaining weight. She isn't one to "sneak" food, as I don't deprove her of anything. I don't want her to feel excluded if she is at a party or with friends, for example. She can still have treats, I am just trying to teach her moderation. Additionally, I am trying to teach her to pace herself, as she eats so fast. Also, she immediately after eating will ask for dessert, and I am working with her on waiting 20 minutes to see if she is truly still hungry....So we are working on these areas. Thank you. Denise

That's great that you're working on teaching stuff like waiting and listening to your body. That's SO important. I'm wondering what she does about food, though, when you aren't around. There's school and activity time, plus it sounds like there are times when you're at work and she's elsewhere.  I'm also wondering if she has some metabolic issues. Stuff like insulin resistance is showing up younger and younger in the population, or so say the so called experts, if TV is to be believed. I went through menarche at age 9 and had symptoms of PCOS by the time I was 11 or 12 (I know now), but of course that was not in the medical mainstream in the mid-70's. Are there PCOS symptoms that show up before menarche, I wonder?

Okay, enough rambling before caffeine :-).

I just did a little bit of Googling and found a couple of links that looked interesting. My apologies in advance if this is all old stuff for you. http://www.fitnessandkids.com/ Products, resources and articles http://www.weightlossforchildren.com/ a "free resource" from Klein-Becker USA http://weightloss.about.com/od/childhoodobesity/Children_Tee ns_Obesity_Weight_Loss.htm Collection of articles and links for kids and parents

Your poor baby. I have no good advise but I will pray for both of you. (((HUGS)))

Thank you, Judy. Hugs and prayers are certainly welcomed and appreciated. Hugs to you, too! Denise