OT-I can't stop feeling insecure

Even though I have lost the weight I still feel like the fat ugly girl and it is affecting my relationship.  I already have trust issues since my ex-husband and past relationships cheated on me and told me I was worthless.  My finance tells me all the time that I am beautiful and he loves me.  He treats me great but I still feel insecure and do not trust him.  I feel like I am not pretty enough or skinny enough to be with him. He does watch a lot of porn and have a lot of "internet" female friends.  He has never hidden this from me but it still makes me feel insecure.  He used to be obese as well and wouldn't go out so he watched porn and met people on-line.  I get that and to be honest it does not affect our love life at all but I still feel like crap because of it.  Will I always feel like the fat girl who does not deserve to be loved?  Do any of you feel this way?  What do you do abut it.

I hear ya on the insecurities, its so hard to overcome, we are so used to hiding our bodies and now people actually want to see us and look at us, and its strange and unsettling.  I know myself I am still the fat girl trapped in this new body, its really tough to see what I realy look like, I took pictures and I still think well that must have been just a good angle.  I think we just need to keep working on ourselves so we can feel worthy and deserving of love and compliments and everything else that comes our way.  Settling is a terrible thing, I cannot ever do it again. Hugs Heidi

Most days when I look in the mirror I don't even recognize myself anymore.  I question if I am settling for behavior from him (the porn and female friends) or if it is just my own insecurities

Been there...done that... Yep, you are settling for it. Remember, people will give you exactly what you are willing to take.  Are you willing to take that kind of behaviour from somone? If it makes you feel bad, express it. Sure, you may still be insecure but someone that cares about you will be willing to help you over come it. Dianne from FL

Hello Mercedes, i am sorry you are going through this. to be honest though your finance obviously cares about you and wants to be with you....and it is true, the more you act this way....the more it will push him away and possibly make your worst fear come true this is a problem that lies within you  It doesn't mean you can't overcome this problem you have been hurt before and this is why you have a very low self esteem and feel insecure you already took the time to figure out what it is that is making you feel this way... so you need to change it..... first of all , get him offline. Spend MORE time together and then he will not have time to watch those *movies* that he loves and spend time online. Try to get him interested in something else! What does he like to do ? does he like fishing ? Try to get out of the house..... Go out to the movies... go for a walk after dinner. you need to work on being secure and feeling happy you need to analyze yourself...try to change within and  then it will show and people around you will notice. :-) You need to realize that you are WORTH something, and your finance sees that in you.....and you need to working on seeing this too! P.S -  maybe it is HIM feeling insecure ? ...did you ever think of that ? Maybe it isn't totally YOU feeling this way ? you know ? being online and you said he use to not want to go out alot , does he still want to stay in ? seems like there is some insecure problems going on there. BUT then again, i don't know him ...so i don't know really. i wish you best of luck and hope this helps a little.  hugss Lizzy

Lizzy, Thanks for the kind words.  He admits that he feels insecure as well.  I guess it is something that comes along with losing weight.   (He lost over 100 pounds as well and we did not even know that the other was previously obese til after we started dating.)  I think he still looks at *****ut of habit but it still makes me feel like I can never measure up.   He does spend tons of time with me and does other things.  I know I am pushing him away with the way I am acting but it is so hard to dispell my fears.  I just wish I felt as great on the inside that people think I look on the outside.  It will come in time though  

work on it girl :-) after you work on yourself maybe HE will see how you changed and he will follow. HE needs to work on this as well Building up your self-confidence takes time and commitment  but it is well worth it!  You will soon be loving yourself inside as well as loving your outside - your new body  this will give off a very positive energy that will surely come back to you and bounce outward to others. you know that saying........ beauty is within. yes , you ARE beautiful ..... on the outside. :-) Outer beauty fades through time... you need to work on it on the INSIDE .... the inner beauty lasts throughout your whole life Get to know the TRUE and NEW you and accept yourself.  The more you accept your true self the more others will do the same. you know what ? I know you have alot to be proud of.... and with that....i bet you can make a list of all your positive characteristics and achievements. :-) Keep adding to this list as time goes on and be sure to keep your list in a place where you can access it and read it all the time. you also should choose your words/thoughts carefully... Take time to replace negative thoughts with positive ones... its challenging ..but I know you can do this!!! Hold your head up high, be proud and know that you have a special gift inside of you. hugss Lizzy

Thanks Lizzy you have a wonderful heart and definitely know how to life a woman up when she needs it.  You seem like you would be a great friend. 

If I didn't know better I would think I typed this post.  I am in the same exact boat.  I have known all along about the internet porn, it doesn't bother me yet it does.  I have suggested we view it together, but that has yet to happen.  I am very very open person so I think it may intimidate him.  I give him every opportunity to act on it with me yet he doesn't.  Which feeds my insecurity.  I never had a problem with my bodu image before surgery.  Now I can barely stand to see myself let alone have one else see me.  So I am seeing a therapist to help with that.  I'm just angry, frustrated and hurt knowing that he is hiding his porn addiction on the computer from me as well as his internet friends.  I feel so inadequate and worthless to him.  I feel like I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Any advice would be great! 

Have you discussed this with your therapist? Does he see someone. Maybe this is an issue you two could tackle together with professional guidence?

Hugs, Laurie