Bait and Switch

Prior to surgery and weight loss I always dated. Fairly successfully even at my largest (397). When dating a big girl, you know you are getting a big girl. There will probably be dents, folds, creases and lumps. You are prepared because you know you are dating a BBW. I was pretty confident. If you went out with me then we have agreed on terms.

Well now, I am a 170-180 lb hotty (a good 20 lbs is loose skin with bat wings) in some spanxx like garments I am totally hourglassy... to the eye. I feel fairly confident walking  down the street and out and about. I get interested parties, and I become instantly shy. Why? Well because it feels like a bait and switch. Like getting fruitcake in a cheesecake box. I mean, yeah... it's still cake... and thanks but... really thought it was cheesecake... I don't like fruitcake! Awkward!

The kind of guy who is attracted really wants cheesecake. The fruitcake lover that I am often interested in (nerdy,  Star Trek, comicon... funny guys) don't even THINK to approach me. It's not conceit. It's an unfortunate fact.

I know, I know... approach him! Well I've had my fill of pursuit and initiation. Again, I know, make a choice. Alone and pursued or coupled and pursuing. Is there a middle!?!? It is uncomfortable to date and to meet people.

Any suggestions?

Cross Post from Weightloss Singles.

An enthusiastic head nod in agreement to those adorably geeky comicon guys.  I can't wait to have one of my very own.  As far as the middle, maybe you're basing your attractiveness too much on your body?  I'm terribly old-fashioned, but I really do believe in knowing someone and being friends with them, and then falling in love with them that way.  I would want a guy who was the same way. Yes, I know, men are wired differently, but the kind of man that would be wonderful is one who is in love with YOU, what's on the inside.  By the time it comes the right moment to see what's under your clothes, you will already know each other's stories and there's nothing to explain or hide.  It's just part of you.  Every fold and wrinkle is the roadmap to the journey that broughtt you to this moment in life, and you to this moment with him.

Yes, I'm a romantic, but I DO believe this exists.

I'm with Kati on this one.  

Why not try your approach to dating as a quest for a meaningful relationship before the hook-up?  If you get the meaningful relationship first and take your time, then the subject will likely come up about your past body image and present flaws, and if the guy is worthy, it won't matter at all.  The event will be an expression of affection already established instead of a booty call.

Well.

I can tell in the way you think and approach things that whatever man wins you will be very blessed!!! Give yourself credit, batwings or not, you're worth more than gold!!! Congrats and I can't wait to hear when you find your mate!!! 

I know exactly how you feel.  My exterior does not match the interior, either.  I have a lot of extra skin around the middle because all of my weight used to be in my stomach and my boobs look like someone dropped two limes into a pair of tube socks but strap on a pushup bra and some spanx and I look human... Many women are using accessories these days to make themselves look different.  Spanx, water bras, pushup bras, heels to enhance the butt, butt shapers, false eyelashes, tons of makeup, hair pieces, etc.  This isn't even counting the plastic surgery.  There is a middle and you will find it, trust me.  I walked around for at least a year after surgery all awkward and twitchy because I just didn't know where I fit in.  I found my place and you will, too.