Reverting to my past horrible eating habits and freaking out!!!

I've been on such a high for the past month - having lost 108 lbs, being under my all my revised goal weights, and hearing people be so complimentary about my weight loss, and buying lots of nice, little clothes.  But very bad eating habits are creeping back, and I am in major freak out mode, and very scared!!!  When I fall off the wagon, I fall hard.  Since my surgery last November, most of the time it has been easy to stay on track and eat really healthy.  For the first six months I was never hungry and rarely had any cravings.  It was a wonderful feeling to be so in control and not tempted, and not having to exert any self-discipline.  Now, things have changed.  I am at the place that I worried about getting to, when I first started researching this surgery years ago.

I currently weigh 124.4...gained 1.5 lbs in the past few days, after over nine months of consistent weight loss.  I know - that's not a big deal in the scheme of things.  But I can see where this is headed if I don't nip it in the bud.  I'm paranoid because I self-sabotage.  Every single time I lost weight in my life, I always put it all back on, plus more.  And it always happened quickly.

Fortunately, because of my RNY surgery, there are now physical limits to the amount of food I can eat, and I am so thrilled that I am at this miraculous weight, and never want to do battle with obesity again, but I am so worried!!  These past few weeks I've been having little "treats", and instead of stopping at a moderate amount, I'm increasingly eating more and more.  Yes, there are times that I am genuinely hungry (hate having that feeling back after being free of it for so long post-surgery), but, many times I am simply dealing with "head hunger" and cravings for all the bad things that I used to consume in vast quantities.  Last night, after eating over 1,300 calories by 5:30 pm (I've been trying to aim for 1,300 total each day, including 70-90 g of protein), I went home and ate a dinner roll, 8 ginger snap cookies, 2 mini ice cream bars, cereal and milk, and 2 slices of raisin toast with butter.  It was INSANE but I felt totally out of control...powerless against my cravings.  The more I had, the more I wanted.  Lately the crappy eating has been insidiously coming back.  On several days I had double-scoop ice cream cones!!  One day I ate 2 1/2 muffins.  Crap food that does me no good, but that I love.  I've been having small pieces of cookies, tarts and cakes.  Unfortunately, I am not a "dumper".  I really wish I was because that would be helpful in terms of stopping me from eating sugary/starchy foods.

Some people would say that once we hit our goal weight, we have to learn to live in moderation, but that was never my strong suit.  If I give myself an inch, I'll take ten miles.  There is a long list of red-light foods that can send me spiraling down into a miserable abyss.  But I don't want to feel that I can never have anything I crave, because that sucks.

Sorry for my whining but I'm just in a bad mental/emotional place right now.  I'm determined to get back on track today, but I'm consumed by (pardon the pun), horrified and extremely guilty because of my recent awful eating behaviours.  Thanks for listening.  Anyone out there who is grappling with the same issues?

I should mention that although I keep telling myself to exercise, currently I am not doing anything.  I know how wrong that is, and I need to change that.  Again, pathetic self-discipline at play.

Hello Annie,

Congratulations for all you have done!  If you go back and read your post you have already laid out what you need to do to get back on track. Go back to the basics that worked for you for your weight loss. Make changes one at a time if you need to.  Attend support group meetings and call your surgeons office.  But the best thing you can do is start moving         find something you love to do and do it. Dance, ride a bike, swim. Anything will help.

Keep us posted on your progress and be sure and post this on your surgery type forum too.

You're doing great but you do need to nip it in the bud RIGHT NOW.  I say that because I had my surgery in 2001, and although I'm a success because I went from 373 to 109, I am now weighing 170.  It is so scary!!!  A success yet ready to fail.  Just like you, food are treats for me.  It's what I do when I feel sad or alone.  I have a dog and don't even walk her.  Depression really does suck!  I'm so sorry and wish I could do more to help.  Just take it a moment at a time and once you do "cheat", don't continue cheating to punish yourself.  I've done that, I can eat all day and night if I allow myself to.  Best Wishes.  Feel free to stay in touch.  If you find anything that helps I'd love to hear too.  God Bless

Now may be the time to seek some counceling. You've addressed the physical part with surgery but many also need to work  on the mental part just as much. You have done great so far so don't let this get out of hand because you can "eat around" any surgery. The mental aspect is what helps most with long term success, good luck to you!

I agree with Hislady.  I think we are all so focused on the physical aspect that we forget the emotional aspect.  If we don't don't fix what is causing us to eat so much then we are going to relapse over and over.  I say this out of experience.  I am constantly battling to stay within my 5lb range.  I need to go in for therapy but I am waiting until I am done paying off my car (the end of the year)...it will free up more money. 

In the mean time OA might be a good resource and I'm always reading books.  So try this too 

This is exactly why I am hesitating on having surgery.  I understand those cravings; sometimes they are so very strong, I seem to have no control.  And once I start, I can't (won't) stop!  Same as you!  Been to therapy, read everything I can get my hands on about compulsive eating/binge eating...so frustrating.

I wish you the best...I wish I could live by moderation!

I suggest an OA meeting .  They are free and you will learn a lot about compulsive overeating as well as meet people who help each other successfully stay compusive-eating free one day at a time...

You are right - its ridiculously easy to allow old snacking habits to sneak back in and so "outwit " any bariatric surgery .  Untreated at the very least they will lead to significant regain and will rob you of the happiness you've discovered in your new lean body .

The people who maintain their weight  here many years post op all share one thing - we found other ways to cope emotionally rather than overeating .   

((()) good luck

Just a very real warning-  the people I've met who've regained all or most of the weight they lost  with bariatric surgery almost all regularly indulged in ICE CREAM !!

Its a high calorie food that isn't held up by the size of the pouch ( guess because its liquid ) .  Don't mess with it ! 

I never reached my goal weight but I did lose 100 lbs. Have lost control and have gained 18 lbs.  I am so frightened. I  can't seem to get back on track. I too am paranoid, Why am I sabotaging myself? I know where this is heading, why can't I stop?