X-post: How to handle not wanting to eat?

(Originally posted in the RNY forum, but I'm sure people with other WLS types may have some insights.)

I've been trying to convince myself that I don't have a problem, but I think I do and I'd like to hear other people's thoughts and experiences.

Is it possible to develop anorexia after WLS? No, really, stop laughing at the thought of a 260 pound anorexic and let me explain.

Lately, the idea of eating is - well, it's just totally unappealing. I love looking at food, reading and planning recipes, and thinking about yummy things that I can eat now. But when it comes to actually preparing anything and then eating it, I have to force myself. Even eating out somewhere doesn't make me feel better about eating, and before my surgery I used to love going out to eat or getting takeout (which contributed to my problems, of course.) I go to the grocery store and buy all sorts of stuff to make yummy meals with, and end up throwing most of it out.   It's more than just that there's no joy left in food anymore, it's more like the idea of eating is actually repulsive. I would rather just take my vitamins and drink plain water all day than eat.

I've tried to be all upbeat and cheerful about it, talking to other WLS folks to encourage them by telling them that they sure can eat good food, working on WLS friendly recipes, hoping that I could convince myself too. But I'm just not feeling it. I just don't want to eat anything anymore. I know I HAVE to, but it's such a struggle. I have no appetite, and no desire whatsoever, so I'm actually having to force myself to get between 600 and 800 calories a day in. And when I think about eating I find myself thinking "It's ok, eating less just means more weight loss" and I don't want to get sucked into that mindset, it's too tempting to just drink three shakes a day and call it quits. But I'm finding that the idea of eating is actually starting to upset me, and it's become pretty conflicting.

Other friends and I have talked about how an "all or nothing" mindset, which I definitely have, could be a contributing factor. If I can't have what I really want, then I don't want anything. Since I can't have the buttered biscuit, then I don't want the roast chicken breast. I'm not craving food at all, keep in mind. If I COULD eat a buttered biscuit, then I would, but since I can't I don't. This is something else odd IMO. I can see that at this point I am very comfortable with the fact that right now, at least, there are foods that I just can't have. So I choose not to, and it doesn't seem to bother me. Once upon a time, I wouldn't stop eating until I ate everything that I wanted. Now, I can think "Yeah, that would be good to eat," but not eat it and be fine with that. That's a good thing, I know, but it's such a strange feeling.

So, is it therapy time? Or is this just a phase? Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, what did you do about it? It's slightly worrisome, but I'm not freaking out about it just yet. Just mildly concerned at the moment, and wanting to head off the problem I see coming around the corner. I do keep up honestly with MFP, so the people I've friended there can see that I'm not actually skipping food, but the amount of effort it's taking to force everything down is just not normal or desirable, IMO. After talking to the husbeast last night I think I will make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in disordered eating, but until I get in to see her it would be interesting to see what other people have run into. The hubby made an interesting comment. He felt that it would probably be fairly common for people who have had to change their relationship with food as drastically as we WLS folks have to run into similar problems.

Thanks in advance!

Hi Pam - I don't have answers for you or a lot of experience with this but I will share my thoughts and insights.  

Can someone who used to be a compulsive eater turn the tables and become anorexic?  Absolutely!  Happens all the time, I've seen it with my own eyes in my Overeaters Anonymous groups.   An eating disorder is an eating disorder and it can look very different at different points in our life.  Myself, I've gone through bouts of severely restricting my food, of binge-and-purge and just bingeing.  It's just all different sides of the same coin, so to speak.  

I truly relate to your statement about not feeling any joy in food or eating any more.  I told my husband that when I was in month 4 or 5; I was pretty sad that the surgery had sucked all the joy out of eating.  It's not that way for me now but I felt it acutely back then.  

Your black & white thinking probably does have something to do with what's going on.  I would encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders (I tried one who didn't and she just. didn't. get. it!).  

Best of luck on your journey to better health and happiness! 

Tracy, thanks so much for your response. It makes sense that disordered eating can have many forms, and it's possible to go from one end of the spectrum to the other. I hadn't considered that. And I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I do feel an acute lack of pleasure relating to my food now, and that's just SO far from where I was with food back before my surgery. Maybe that's all it is, I don't know. It just feels so very strange to have to force myself to eat that it concerned me.

The therapist I found specializes in eating disorders, and even mentions working with WLS folks after their surgery. I think she'd be a good fit, but I'm waiting to hear back from her. Even if she's not right for me, I think I definitely have to find someone with experience with eating disorders, for sure.

Thanks again!

I am not a psychologist, buti think that there is a difference between Anorexia and the 'eating revulsion' issue you describe.

Anorexia is much more about control .... Where you seem to describe a physical revulsion to food.

I remember having to force myself to eat at times, because the thought of fixing or eating something had no interest for me ..... It passed.

For now, trying different foods may help .. Keeping them healthy choices .... Or you may have to just do it.

If this persists, please speak with your medical team ... Perhaps the psychologist.

Kathkeb, I'm sure you're right. Using the term "anorexia" was my way of trying to describe just how different things are for me at this point. I don't mean to trivialize those with the disorder at all. But you're probably right that the roots of it are different from where I'm coming from at the moment.

Thanks for your comments! It's been good to hear from other people who get it, and even better to hear that it passes. I'll still be watchful and look for some therapeutic help to make sure it doesn't turn into a *real* problem, though.

Thanks again!

Honestly my goal has always been to not only get to goal but stay there. Not eating screws up your metabolism. I was not going to risk that so I always made myself eat even when I didn't want to.

Yes, I'm forcing myself to eat a decent amount.

Thanks for your comments, Laura.

No appetite is a blessing..you are not even a year out of surgery...this is normal..enjoy your freedom from food obsession instead of obsessing about it...it's just another form of obsession...you are not anorexic you are just having no appetite which will NOT last...just use the gift you've been given and lose the weight...when you get under weight your doctor will tell you.as it is you are fine...you are just displacing your obsession with food with another obsession...most people who have this surgery go through a non appetite period...it's physiological and will not last as you get below your body's normal weight..do other things with your time now that you have time away from food obsession..stay out of the kitchen and go outdoors...paint..hike..find passions in your  life...food is a necessity that's all..it's like medicine..meals..restaurants etc are just man made things....and like I said your lack of appetite will not last..SEAVIEW

Pam,

I am feeling the exact same thing as you.  

I am 4 weeks post-op and I have a very hard time forcing myself to eat as much as a I should be. As you said, I also find myself thinking "It's ok, eating less just means more weight loss". But my energy level is so low now especially at the end of the day.   I'm beginning to suspect this is because I'm not getting enough calories: a couple of protein drinks, a yogurt, force myself to have some lunch - but that is maybe 800 calories.  Not much for 6'3" guy.

I was thinking maybe this is normal at this stage - having only graduated to soft foods recently.  I still feel a bit nausea with many foods - so I don't want to even try.  But I see from your RNY that you are 4 months post-op.  I would think a more regular appetite would be back by then.

I'd like to hear from others if this is common in the first months after RNY and we just need to push through it (and force ourselves to eat), or if this is less common and I should bring it up to my medical team?

Thomas

Hey, Thomas, I remember you. I hope your trip to China went well, and grats on the weightloss and getting through surgery!

I know the feeling you're talking about. Four weeks out and I still had a great deal of trouble eating. It was very hard to eat enough to meet the nutrition goals my surgeon had set for me. But this feels different, somehow. This isn't that it's difficult to eat, this is just like I'm done with food. Like I don't even want to deal with it anymore.

I agree that the responses are fascinating, and I'm hoping to hear from more people sharing their experiences. My feeling is, it can't hurt to mention it to your medical team. My dietitian is out on maternity leave at the moment, or I would have emailed her about all this as well.

Thanks for your comments, and best wishes.