Recent Posts
Topic: SEARCH RESULTS...
SEARCH TERMS: DUMB PEOPLE JOKES
Ultra dumb people 01 The incredibly dumb
http://www.ahajokes.com/dum11.html
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he wa****
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.... He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
*** Remember.... They walk among us & and have children !!! ***
Ultra dumb people 01 The incredibly dumb
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
http://www.ahajokes.com/dum11.html
Another collection of dumb things people do (PG)
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he wa****
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.... He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
*** Remember.... They walk among us & and have children !!! ***
http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3878
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
Topic: RE: HOLD MY FEET TO THE FIRE! WEEKEND EDITION
Stop doing what works and the result is what does not work. My protein average has been on the decline and carbs on the rise. Sodium and the resulting edema have been a major issue due to buying prepared processed foods. To my shame, I have been living mainly on air popped pop corn for a week now. Low protein & high carb. But, also low cal & sodium plus easy to fix, eat, and clean up afterward.
What helped me today was popping a dish of turkey wings and another of beef in the oven last night. I had plenty of dense protein already prepared. I'll add a few pork chops and some chicken to this so I'm easily fed over the coming week. I also have fish fillets in the freezer to defrost and cook quickly.
This is what I did as a newbie. I kept the fridge, freezer and pantry prepared. Cook and then freeze individual servings immediately. Reheat s-l-o-w-l-y. Voila, your choice of fresh meals in minutes. If I cook and serve from the fridge day after day it all becomes left overs. I did this for near three years but recently I broke the habit.
I finally had a respectable protein day by going back to doing what I know works. My 70g protein requirement was easily met and I hit my 100g preferred target as well. Calories are down at under 1250 however calorie control is not an issue these days. I am still working on the sodium and avoiding foods that can make the scale behave erratically. My eating remains sub par but carbs are under 100g and only a third of my calories came from processed foods today.
I've got to get the basics back under control. If I don't I may wind up with the weight loss and nutrition life plan out of control. There are countless ways to screw up for life. I have been heading towards malnutrition while controlling weight gain this week. That will not be my life.
What helped me today was popping a dish of turkey wings and another of beef in the oven last night. I had plenty of dense protein already prepared. I'll add a few pork chops and some chicken to this so I'm easily fed over the coming week. I also have fish fillets in the freezer to defrost and cook quickly.
This is what I did as a newbie. I kept the fridge, freezer and pantry prepared. Cook and then freeze individual servings immediately. Reheat s-l-o-w-l-y. Voila, your choice of fresh meals in minutes. If I cook and serve from the fridge day after day it all becomes left overs. I did this for near three years but recently I broke the habit.
I finally had a respectable protein day by going back to doing what I know works. My 70g protein requirement was easily met and I hit my 100g preferred target as well. Calories are down at under 1250 however calorie control is not an issue these days. I am still working on the sodium and avoiding foods that can make the scale behave erratically. My eating remains sub par but carbs are under 100g and only a third of my calories came from processed foods today.
I've got to get the basics back under control. If I don't I may wind up with the weight loss and nutrition life plan out of control. There are countless ways to screw up for life. I have been heading towards malnutrition while controlling weight gain this week. That will not be my life.
Topic: RE: May 30th (3 weeks post surgery)
Congrats on your loss. And I know what you mean about working out. I am a total exercise junkie now!
- Shaw
Topic: RE: Sharing and telling my story...It was time!
Loved the article! And I would have NEVER thought you were 53! I thought you were in your 30s!! Keep doing what you're doing. All of you ladies are proof to us newbies that with the right outlook on our surgeries, persevereance, and hard work, we can be successful at keeping the weight off.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.
- Shaw
Topic: May 30th (3 weeks post surgery)
Hey Everyone!!! *waving*
Ok, so here it is 3 weeks post surgery check up (or in since its been a few weeks since I've posted on the forum). My 3 week appointment was on May 30th and it went great!! I am currently down 16 lbs, lost 14% of excess weight and my BMI is down 4 points. I'm super excited to be off of the liquid phase and now on soft foods, I think getting my protein in will be a little easier since the protein drinks had started making me sick. I'm actually enjoying working out ( who would have ever thought that!! lol)
Enjoying the loser bench and enjoying this journey.
Ok, so here it is 3 weeks post surgery check up (or in since its been a few weeks since I've posted on the forum). My 3 week appointment was on May 30th and it went great!! I am currently down 16 lbs, lost 14% of excess weight and my BMI is down 4 points. I'm super excited to be off of the liquid phase and now on soft foods, I think getting my protein in will be a little easier since the protein drinks had started making me sick. I'm actually enjoying working out ( who would have ever thought that!! lol)
Enjoying the loser bench and enjoying this journey.
Topic: RE: BAF-FB
I been trying to join, but it keep saying that the page doesn't exist.
Is there another link?
Thanks in advance
Is there another link?
Thanks in advance
Topic: RE: Sharing and telling my story...It was time!
Ahh !!! Thanks Blu-Diva........But for the grace of God! I am thankful! Much apprecreiated.
JJ
JJ
Topic: HOLD MY FEET TO THE FIRE! WEEKEND EDITION
ACCOUNTABILITY MISSION: NO MERCY AND NO EXCUSES
TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH AND BE ACCOUNTABLE: Do you bull**** through the weekend then kick yourself on Monday morning?
This is not about the periodic weigh in. We are lifers on this program. That is how we will loose the fat. That is how we will maintain our lower body fat. That is how we will stay physically fit.
Think about what brought you here. Success will come one day at a time. Doing the right thing and staying on program is minute to minute some days. Consider each minute decision may have the potential to redirect your wl life plan for good or not. If you do not make the weekend a good one will you be kicking yourself because you missed an arbitrary weight goal or because you are heading backwards in life?
...All are welcome, jump in at anytime.
For reference:
5 Day Pouch Test (5DPT) website
http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/theplan.html
5 Day Pouch Test Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3995048/Hold-my-feet-to-the-fire-please-Accountability-Mision/
Protein Train Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3993571/Protein-Train-Educate-me-please/#32309205
Wagon Plan Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3650242/The-Wagon-Plan-Get-back-on-the-wagon
Overeaters Anonymous
Online Meetings Around the Clock * Information on changing eating behavior
Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF)
The no op version. This version is still severe but far more liberal than the one many pre ops are given.
http://www.holisticmd.org/downloads/ProteinSparingModifiedFast.pdf
Daily calorie needs calculator
A more advanced calculator that's still easy to use.
Advanced option lets you choose from 3 different calculation methods. Enter data once for calorie needs at maintenance; plus calorie needs for 2 different levels of weight loss; and, results include a week long calorie cycling plan. Calculator takes into account age and gender as well as activity level. Links to other calculators are on the same page.
http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm
Podrunner
Not just for runners. Site has a variety of workout music and music timed to progressive running programs for 5k, 8k, 10k, and speed. In place indoors, treadmill, or at the track run to the beat and you'll complete the stated distance. There is also a variety of interval training music from about 130 bpm up to to 180 bpm; and, fixed bpm workout music as well. Lengths of tracts vary but there is a speed/ length to suit most workout needs.
http://www.djsteveboy.com/mixes.html
A WORKOUT site to get you started or keep you going
http://www.exrx.net/index.html
No special equipment is required for this group of progressive workout programs designed for those new to it all and for those wanting to step it up a notch. Perhaps you can only do one or even none today. Perhaps you do quite a few already. Either extreme or somewhere in the middle, this self challenge is still for you.
http://www.twohundredsitups.com/
http://www.hundredpushups.com/
http://www.onefiftydips.com/
http://www.twohundredsquats.com/
http://www.twentyfivepullups.com/
USDA - database, nutrition facts
http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search/
ACCOUNTABILITY MISSION: NO MERCY AND NO EXCUSES
TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH AND BE ACCOUNTABLE: Do you bull**** through the weekend then kick yourself on Monday morning?
This is not about the periodic weigh in. We are lifers on this program. That is how we will loose the fat. That is how we will maintain our lower body fat. That is how we will stay physically fit.
Think about what brought you here. Success will come one day at a time. Doing the right thing and staying on program is minute to minute some days. Consider each minute decision may have the potential to redirect your wl life plan for good or not. If you do not make the weekend a good one will you be kicking yourself because you missed an arbitrary weight goal or because you are heading backwards in life?
...All are welcome, jump in at anytime.
For reference:
5 Day Pouch Test (5DPT) website
http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/theplan.html
5 Day Pouch Test Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3995048/Hold-my-feet-to-the-fire-please-Accountability-Mision/
Protein Train Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3993571/Protein-Train-Educate-me-please/#32309205
Wagon Plan Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3650242/The-Wagon-Plan-Get-back-on-the-wagon
Overeaters Anonymous
Online Meetings Around the Clock * Information on changing eating behavior
Protein Sparing Modified Fast (PSMF)
The no op version. This version is still severe but far more liberal than the one many pre ops are given.
http://www.holisticmd.org/downloads/ProteinSparingModifiedFast.pdf
Daily calorie needs calculator
A more advanced calculator that's still easy to use.
Advanced option lets you choose from 3 different calculation methods. Enter data once for calorie needs at maintenance; plus calorie needs for 2 different levels of weight loss; and, results include a week long calorie cycling plan. Calculator takes into account age and gender as well as activity level. Links to other calculators are on the same page.
http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm
Podrunner
Not just for runners. Site has a variety of workout music and music timed to progressive running programs for 5k, 8k, 10k, and speed. In place indoors, treadmill, or at the track run to the beat and you'll complete the stated distance. There is also a variety of interval training music from about 130 bpm up to to 180 bpm; and, fixed bpm workout music as well. Lengths of tracts vary but there is a speed/ length to suit most workout needs.
http://www.djsteveboy.com/mixes.html
A WORKOUT site to get you started or keep you going
http://www.exrx.net/index.html
No special equipment is required for this group of progressive workout programs designed for those new to it all and for those wanting to step it up a notch. Perhaps you can only do one or even none today. Perhaps you do quite a few already. Either extreme or somewhere in the middle, this self challenge is still for you.
http://www.twohundredsitups.com/
http://www.hundredpushups.com/
http://www.onefiftydips.com/
http://www.twohundredsquats.com/
http://www.twentyfivepullups.com/
USDA - database, nutrition facts
http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search/
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
LV'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
Topic: RE: Sharing and telling my story...It was time!
Thanks Thicklin. We all have our remarkable stories, struggles and successes. Now I'm glad that I shared and bared it all. The positive dialogue I've received the last couple of days has been overwhelming at times. So many in our families and communities are suffering and idling uncertain about their health, and what options they have. A few have even stated that they are now going to have the conversation with their docs about bariatric choices to help them with their obesity issues. I'm excited that the article is stirring some to take action and control over their life and health.
Thanks again BAFam!
JJ
Thanks again BAFam!
JJ
Topic: RE: HOLD MY FEET TO THE FIRE! ACCOUNTABILITY - THE MID WEEK AGENDA
You're doing fine from my pov. Keep focusing on hydration and you will increase the protein as you are able. What's important is you are getting enough protein. As you sip sip sip you can always get a few extra protein grams in through half a shake. Thumbs up on the wl and keep kicking butt.
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OG, here! Man, I miss this group! It's been 21 years since I found BAF.
Mere · 1 replies · 139 views
Mere · 1 replies · 139 views
