Marriage Test Tonight!

I attended a WONDERFUL marriage conference at a friend's church. Have you ever heard of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs? He has a book and DVD series from his marriage seminar. It is wonderful! It hit me hard as a woman that I am called to RESPECT my husband. He doesn't desire LOVE like I do, he desires RESPECT. He needs a cheerleeder to acknowledge him for all that he does for our family. He works hard and supports us financially, and I really appreciate him. Try this TEST ladies: Tonight, tell you husband how much you appreciate that he works so hard to support your family, that he fixes things around the house, that he is such a great father, whatever it is that he does well. Then just walk away. Don't expect him to compliment you back. Sow that seed and just see what happens. It is amazing from a biblical prospective, how far OFF so many of the marriage counselors and books in our society have become. Husbands do need to be loved, but their primary need (ok, aside from sex ) is RESPECT. Check out this website for more info: http://www.loveandrespect.com/ Love, Darlene

Darlene, That was a wonderful post. I'm actually enrolled in a class to become a licensed biblical counselor and that is a topic we talked about 2 weeks ago. For some reason men put on this facad that they are tuff, but deep down they want to know they are needed, respected, and loved. I read a book by Deborah Tannon called "You just don't understand, the differences between men and women" It is not a scriptual book at all but I found it very convicting. The thing that hit me the hardest was how it talked about how women are so quick to poke fun at our husbands in public to get a laugh. I used to make fun of him something fierce in front of our friends so they would crack up. This book showed me that in doing that I am indirectly telling him that I think more of my friends than him. I would rather see them laugh, then show him respect. I changed a lot after that. Love, Dawn

Hi Dawn, You are so lovely inside and outside. Your sweet personality makes me feel like we have known each other forever. I think you will make a wonderful counselor. I think it is amazing how I never used to give it a second thought when I said something about my husband, or heard my friends say something disrespectful about their husbands. After all, "they deserved it" for the way they treated us. How dare they do ...(insert their latest offense here.) We felt that gave us free reign to start a slam fest on our husbands. OHHHH how God had to deal with me on that one. Whether I feel my husband deserves respect or not does not matter. It is what God called me to do. He is an awesome God, & he created men and women differently. Even our brains are wired differently. Now that God has convicted me of disrespecting my husband, it is as if my spiritual eyes have been opened in this area. It really pains me to hear a wife speak poorly of her husband because I know it is going to start the vicious cycle: The more she disrespects him>> the more he acts unlovingly towards her>> the more she feels unloved>> the more she disrespects him>>> Somebody needs to be the mature one & get out of the "crazy cycle". Even if the other person doesn't deserve it! My girlfriends and I hold each other accountable in this area. It's not always fun to be confronted with our sins, but we know it brings glory to God when we walk in His ways. Sorry to ramble, but it is a topic I feel very passionately about! Love, Darlene

Proverbs 25:11 "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." And if he doesn't listen, try Proverbs 25:15 "Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone." Solomon makes it very clear how he feels about nagging, quarrelsome wives...he was very wise! I have found the most effective method of getting my hubby to do something is to be kind. The only thing sarchasm and anger gets is to dig his heels in deeper and refuse to listen. I know my attitude when I do something out of "obligation" verses doing something by choice. I sometimes wonder if we were to hear a tape recording of how we speak to those closest to us, if we could bear to listen!

Hi Denise, Ouch, that is so true. I have a little tape recorder in my head of everything unloving my husband has ever said to me. Isn't it amazing that the little tape recorder NEVER records the mean and nasty things I have said to him over the years. My, my, my! Darlene