Funny article how to do a group ride
Take a Licking
"I just love doing group rides by myself," groans my buddy Rich at the coffee shop after getting dropped on yet another Saturday ride.
Rich is a stronger cyclist than me, but I didn't get flicked. Why? Rich lacks a keen sense of strategy and pack savvy. Translation: He's not ruthless, sneaky and shameless. I am.
As an old Dutch pro once explained, it's all about "licking your opponent's plate clean before starting on your own." In other words, do as little work as possible while getting others to do as much as possible.
Here's how:
For starters, never take a pull. Pulls are for 23-year-old "college students" who ride 450 miles a week. They need the extra work to get ready for that upcoming stage race. Middle-agedworking stiffs don't. We pull, we die.
Next, never close a gap. Gaps will appear and must be filled pronto. Just not by you. Glue yourself to the wheel of some antsy, ambitious soul. Offer plenty of encouragement: "They're getting away. Go! You can do it . . . great job!" Chump.
Sometimes nobody wants to jump across. Be patient. Glare over your shoulder as if you've been pulling for 15 miles and it's time for all the stinkin' wheelsuckers to step up. Somebody will blink. Then it's all aboard the free-ride express.
Finally, hills. Before the road tilts up, scope out some strong, beefy riders who are good bike handlers. They tend to be steady if unspectacular climbers. More important, they descend like an anvil off a cliff. Hang on, limpet-like, while they tow you back to the 97-pound mountain goats off the front.
"I just love doing group rides by myself," groans my buddy Rich at the coffee shop after getting dropped on yet another Saturday ride.
Rich is a stronger cyclist than me, but I didn't get flicked. Why? Rich lacks a keen sense of strategy and pack savvy. Translation: He's not ruthless, sneaky and shameless. I am.
As an old Dutch pro once explained, it's all about "licking your opponent's plate clean before starting on your own." In other words, do as little work as possible while getting others to do as much as possible.
Here's how:
For starters, never take a pull. Pulls are for 23-year-old "college students" who ride 450 miles a week. They need the extra work to get ready for that upcoming stage race. Middle-aged
Next, never close a gap. Gaps will appear and must be filled pronto. Just not by you. Glue yourself to the wheel of some antsy, ambitious soul. Offer plenty of encouragement: "They're getting away. Go! You can do it . . . great job!" Chump.
Sometimes nobody wants to jump across. Be patient. Glare over your shoulder as if you've been pulling for 15 miles and it's time for all the stinkin' wheelsuckers to step up. Somebody will blink. Then it's all aboard the free-ride express.
Finally, hills. Before the road tilts up, scope out some strong, beefy riders who are good bike handlers. They tend to be steady if unspectacular climbers. More important, they descend like an anvil off a cliff. Hang on, limpet-like, while they tow you back to the 97-pound mountain goats off the front.
The first time you do something - It's going to be a personal record!
Cracking up! Thanks!
Every morning in Africa
It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning inAfrica
It knows that it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve.
It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle
when the sun comes up you'd better be running.
RNY 2/9/09 Buh bye Gallbladder 8/28/09; 100% EWL (181 lbs.) on 2/19/10;
It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning in
It knows that it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve.
It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle
when the sun comes up you'd better be running.
RNY 2/9/09 Buh bye Gallbladder 8/28/09; 100% EWL (181 lbs.) on 2/19/10;
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