Recent Posts
Topic: RE: Survival of Marriage?
Wow, I can relate to a lot of what you shared. When I first started to deal with my eating disorder, I tried to do a sugar free diet, as well as stay sober. My ex would bring home things like Healthy Choice ice cream and put it in my face and say, "Taste this. Isn't it good.?" He had no clue. I was so hurt and angry.
Well, that was so long ago, and I now live alone.
Speaking of alone, I got married at the age of 18, and lived with my ex for 25 years. I have severe abandonment issues that I have been working on in therapy forever. The abandonment is what I drink, eat, cut and do all sorts of fun things over. It is rooted in my childhood.
Well, when my husband left, I all but fell apart, and thank God I didn't. I had never lived alone in my life, and here I was, in my 40s, moving into an apartment, to live alone. I did not even seek a relationship with a man till my ex remarried. (My religious beliefs.)
It is scary making changes, especially when we have no clue what the future holds. You need to really work your steps and talk to your sponsor, (I hope you have one) about what is in your best interest at this time. You might want to consider seeing if an outpatient treatment program is an option for you. My insurance really is good about that. Intensive Outpatient Programs are really springing up a lot because they are cheaper than long term inpatient programs. Mine was three evenings a week, for group sessions for two and a half hours to start. That lasted about 15 sessions. Now, I go once a week, for two and a half hours, and my therapist there said that the insurance company will have no issue about approving more sessions.
Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
Trish
Well, that was so long ago, and I now live alone.
Speaking of alone, I got married at the age of 18, and lived with my ex for 25 years. I have severe abandonment issues that I have been working on in therapy forever. The abandonment is what I drink, eat, cut and do all sorts of fun things over. It is rooted in my childhood.
Well, when my husband left, I all but fell apart, and thank God I didn't. I had never lived alone in my life, and here I was, in my 40s, moving into an apartment, to live alone. I did not even seek a relationship with a man till my ex remarried. (My religious beliefs.)
It is scary making changes, especially when we have no clue what the future holds. You need to really work your steps and talk to your sponsor, (I hope you have one) about what is in your best interest at this time. You might want to consider seeing if an outpatient treatment program is an option for you. My insurance really is good about that. Intensive Outpatient Programs are really springing up a lot because they are cheaper than long term inpatient programs. Mine was three evenings a week, for group sessions for two and a half hours to start. That lasted about 15 sessions. Now, I go once a week, for two and a half hours, and my therapist there said that the insurance company will have no issue about approving more sessions.
Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Topic: RE: 41 days clean and sober
Congratulations on your 41+ days. It feels good doesn't it? Once the fog lifts and the work begins, life can get soooo interesting. It can be a wild ride but if you try to just hang on and know that the feelings that were dulled (or postponed) by alcohol won't kill you. You just have to remember to breathe and know that it will pass...that's how it goes for me anyway.
Know that you're not alone...
Keep up the good work.
Hugs,
Susan
Know that you're not alone...
Keep up the good work.
Hugs,
Susan
Topic: RE: How does having a severe mental illness affect surgery?
I have depression and anxiety too and have been under a Psychiatrist's care for many years. For me the surgery was a life saver. Literally. As for my mental health...it's an ongoing journey. I have new issues to handle now but with therapy and meds, I am doing better than I have in a long time. I've gone from a size 26-28 to a 4/6 and I no longer have the self-hatred that I had when I was fat. I remember the guilt, pain and shame that came with that and it's gone.
I think that you are wise in considering all this BEFORE you have surgery. Be aware of how you're thinking, acting, etc. maybe journal throughout the day so that you can "see" if there are any red flags. I don't know but I can say this much...having lost the weight did NOT fix my life...it fixed my health and some of my self esteem issues but it also brought other factors into my life that I had not dealt with before. A word of warning...if you have issues with substance abuse WLS can make you an alcoholic in a blink of an eye...there is transference addiction (alcohol instead of food, plus it takes less to feel it). It doesn't happen to everyone but I had the genetic factor and previous alcohol abuse history so I had to come to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic too. I have been sober for 16 months and while it's been an extremely painful journey it's been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Doesn't make sense when it's said like that but in my case, it's true.
Stay close to your support system and doctors. If you feel as if your doctors are not listening to you...find someone that will. I really, really recommend a good therapist if you haven't already got one. I have tried several and it's like buying that wonderful pair of jeans that make your ass look fabulous, you have to try MANY, MANY pairs to find the perfect fit! lol.
Hugs,
Susan
PS: PM me if you need to talk...
I think that you are wise in considering all this BEFORE you have surgery. Be aware of how you're thinking, acting, etc. maybe journal throughout the day so that you can "see" if there are any red flags. I don't know but I can say this much...having lost the weight did NOT fix my life...it fixed my health and some of my self esteem issues but it also brought other factors into my life that I had not dealt with before. A word of warning...if you have issues with substance abuse WLS can make you an alcoholic in a blink of an eye...there is transference addiction (alcohol instead of food, plus it takes less to feel it). It doesn't happen to everyone but I had the genetic factor and previous alcohol abuse history so I had to come to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic too. I have been sober for 16 months and while it's been an extremely painful journey it's been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Doesn't make sense when it's said like that but in my case, it's true.
Stay close to your support system and doctors. If you feel as if your doctors are not listening to you...find someone that will. I really, really recommend a good therapist if you haven't already got one. I have tried several and it's like buying that wonderful pair of jeans that make your ass look fabulous, you have to try MANY, MANY pairs to find the perfect fit! lol.
Hugs,
Susan
PS: PM me if you need to talk...
Topic: RE: Survival of Marriage?
First of all thank you all so much for your wise, kind words. It feels better to know that I can talk to someone who has walked the walk, so to speak. My "kids" are almost 24, almost 20 and 15. My middle child, Zach, has started therapy and that is a wonderful thing as he has also started drinking and has been caught smoking pot 2; strike 3 and he's either out or in rehab. I really wonder how life would've turned out if I had had professional help (hell, any help) when I started numbing myself at the baby age of 15. No going back; this is not my first attempt at sobriety; I've had years of of not drinking but have always gone back to it. I should've known that it was like playing Russian roulette. My parents both have many, many alcoholics and suicides/depressed family members but knowing that may not have made any difference.
As for my marriage...oh, where to start!? I checked myself into rehab and was only able to do the detox part because of ins. but did meetings (AA) and used the phone as a life line for the first few months. I will never forget the 2nd day home from rehab and my husband brought beer in and drank in front of me...it wasn't that I wanted to drink it was just the fact that I felt that he was saying ***k you, you are nothing and I have no respect for you. I now know that it is HIS issues not mine. As for divorcing; it's a scary thought because I have never been really alone; having said that, I am alone now and I have a husband! That's really sad...I went from my parents to my 1st husband, also and alcoholic and then to my 2nd and present husband. I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years and am going to go back to work. I used to be technical support for Geologists and Geophysicist but the technology has changed too much for me to go back to that. I have years of running an office so hopefully someone will appreciate that. You'd think that with 20 years of being an active volunteer that it would count for something...I hope it does.
I am rambling, I know but I haven't really had anyone to really talk to about all this. Anyway, THANKS for being there for me. I am also recovering from 2 surgeries on my left leg and am on crutches for almost 3 months so the frustration of being helpless hasn't helped either. 4 more weeks to go and I can put weight on my foot again...never thought I'd miss my left foot shoes so much!! lol
Sus
As for my marriage...oh, where to start!? I checked myself into rehab and was only able to do the detox part because of ins. but did meetings (AA) and used the phone as a life line for the first few months. I will never forget the 2nd day home from rehab and my husband brought beer in and drank in front of me...it wasn't that I wanted to drink it was just the fact that I felt that he was saying ***k you, you are nothing and I have no respect for you. I now know that it is HIS issues not mine. As for divorcing; it's a scary thought because I have never been really alone; having said that, I am alone now and I have a husband! That's really sad...I went from my parents to my 1st husband, also and alcoholic and then to my 2nd and present husband. I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years and am going to go back to work. I used to be technical support for Geologists and Geophysicist but the technology has changed too much for me to go back to that. I have years of running an office so hopefully someone will appreciate that. You'd think that with 20 years of being an active volunteer that it would count for something...I hope it does.
I am rambling, I know but I haven't really had anyone to really talk to about all this. Anyway, THANKS for being there for me. I am also recovering from 2 surgeries on my left leg and am on crutches for almost 3 months so the frustration of being helpless hasn't helped either. 4 more weeks to go and I can put weight on my foot again...never thought I'd miss my left foot shoes so much!! lol
Sus
Topic: Grateful Post..
Good Morning OH'ers.. It's FRIDAY! !
Today I am grateful..
That it is payday Friday..
That I am going to hang out with Debra this weekend.. I love you..
For the job I have..
For little things that make me smile..
That I got to see Yvonne and Kris M and meet new people last night..
SONG OF THE WEEK..
Because I love you by Lenny Williams.. I love the Kings of Comedy..
GIRL YOU KNOW I,I,I,I,I LOVE YOU
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
AND I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND ME
EVERY WORD I SAY IS TRUE
CAUSE I LOVE YOU
(YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU)
AND BABY I THINKING OF YOU
TRYING TO BE MORE OF A MAN FOR YOU
AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH RICHES,
BUT WE GONNA SEE IT THROUGH
CAUSE I LOVE YOU
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,
SOME MEN NEED LOTS OF WOMEN
FAR DEVOTIONS TO FEEL
BUT I, WANT ALL OF YOU GIRL,
IF TIS ENDS, IF THIS ENDS, IF THIS ENDS,THAT'S WHEN
CAUSE I, CAUSE I, LOVE YOU
I,I,I LOVE YA BABY
WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU
I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
YOUR LOVE MAKES ME GROW STRONGER
IT KEEPS ME GOING ON
OH BABY, I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU
I JUST LOVE,OVE,OVE,OVE,OVE,
OVE,OVE,OVE TO BE AROUND YOU
OH BABY,YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD TO ME,OH BABY
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
MMMMMMMM..MMMMMMMM
YOU KNOW, ONE TIME THINGS GOT SO BAD UNTILL I,
I HAD TO GO TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND TALK TO HIM
AND I TOLD HIM, I SAID YOU KNOW,
I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE WOMAN THAT I LOVE
IT SEEMS THAT I CALL HER ON THE PHONE, AND I,
I JUST CAN'T GET HER TO ANSWER
AND THEN I WENT TO HER HOUSE
AND I SAW HER CAR PARKED IN THE DRIVEWAY
I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR BUT STILL MY KNOCKS WERE UNANSWERED
THEN I WENT HOME AND I,
I WATHCED TELEVISION TILL TELEVISION WENT OFF
AND THEN I PLAYED MY RECORDS UNTILL
I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HER THEM ANYMORE
AND THEN FINALLY I WENT TO BED,
BUT I, I FOUND MYSELF WAKING UP, A FEW HOURS LATER
AND THE TEARS WERE RUNNING DOWN MY FACE,
AND MY FRIEND TOLD ME, HE SAID LENNY,
YOU JUST OUGHT AH FORGET ABOUT HER,
BUT I TOLD MY FRIEND, I SAID YOU KNOW MAYBE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE
LIKE I'VE BEEN IN LOVE
AND MAYBE YOU'VE NEVER FELT THE THINGS THAT I'VE FELT
BUT THIS IS WHAT I TOLD MY FRIEND I SAID, YOU KNOW SOMETIMES
YOU GET LONELY, YOU GET LONELY, YOU GET LONELY
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH, OH
AND I CRIED, I CRIED,IED,IED,IED,IED,
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
AND THE TAERS, WOULD FEEL UP, IN THE WELLS,
IN THE WELLS OF MY EYES OW BABY
AND ONE TIME IT GOT SO BAD,
TILL ONE TIME I'D ROLE MYSELF UP,
IN A BIG OLE BALL AND DIE
THEN I MET YOU DARLIN, AND YOU SMILED AT ME,
OH,OH SUCH A PRETTY SMILE YES IT AS,
AND YOU REACHED OUT YOUR HAND,
YOU HELPED ME, YOU HELPED ME
YEAH, OH
I'M GLAD BABY, I'M GLAD BABY
OH,OH,OH,BABY,AH,AH,AH,AH,AH,
I WANNA BELIEVE YOU BABY,
I WANT TO BEGRIEVE YOU BABY
I,M GONNA LOVE YOU, OH,OH,OH BABY
I'M GLAD, I'M GLAD BABY
OH,OH, YEAH BABY,OH,OH,OH
I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA,
I LOVE YA, OH, I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA,
I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA
I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA,I LOVE YOU.....
MOVIE QUOTE OF THE WEEK..
"I almost fu@cked up my whole left side" Cedrick the Entertainer in The Kings of Comedy..
Today I am grateful..
That it is payday Friday..
That I am going to hang out with Debra this weekend.. I love you..
For the job I have..
For little things that make me smile..
That I got to see Yvonne and Kris M and meet new people last night..
SONG OF THE WEEK..
Because I love you by Lenny Williams.. I love the Kings of Comedy..
GIRL YOU KNOW I,I,I,I,I LOVE YOU
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
AND I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND ME
EVERY WORD I SAY IS TRUE
CAUSE I LOVE YOU
(YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU)
AND BABY I THINKING OF YOU
TRYING TO BE MORE OF A MAN FOR YOU
AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH RICHES,
BUT WE GONNA SEE IT THROUGH
CAUSE I LOVE YOU
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,
SOME MEN NEED LOTS OF WOMEN
FAR DEVOTIONS TO FEEL
BUT I, WANT ALL OF YOU GIRL,
IF TIS ENDS, IF THIS ENDS, IF THIS ENDS,THAT'S WHEN
CAUSE I, CAUSE I, LOVE YOU
I,I,I LOVE YA BABY
WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU
I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
YOUR LOVE MAKES ME GROW STRONGER
IT KEEPS ME GOING ON
OH BABY, I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU
I JUST LOVE,OVE,OVE,OVE,OVE,
OVE,OVE,OVE TO BE AROUND YOU
OH BABY,YOU'VE BEEN SO GOOD TO ME,OH BABY
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
MMMMMMMM..MMMMMMMM
YOU KNOW, ONE TIME THINGS GOT SO BAD UNTILL I,
I HAD TO GO TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND TALK TO HIM
AND I TOLD HIM, I SAID YOU KNOW,
I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE WOMAN THAT I LOVE
IT SEEMS THAT I CALL HER ON THE PHONE, AND I,
I JUST CAN'T GET HER TO ANSWER
AND THEN I WENT TO HER HOUSE
AND I SAW HER CAR PARKED IN THE DRIVEWAY
I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR BUT STILL MY KNOCKS WERE UNANSWERED
THEN I WENT HOME AND I,
I WATHCED TELEVISION TILL TELEVISION WENT OFF
AND THEN I PLAYED MY RECORDS UNTILL
I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HER THEM ANYMORE
AND THEN FINALLY I WENT TO BED,
BUT I, I FOUND MYSELF WAKING UP, A FEW HOURS LATER
AND THE TEARS WERE RUNNING DOWN MY FACE,
AND MY FRIEND TOLD ME, HE SAID LENNY,
YOU JUST OUGHT AH FORGET ABOUT HER,
BUT I TOLD MY FRIEND, I SAID YOU KNOW MAYBE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE
LIKE I'VE BEEN IN LOVE
AND MAYBE YOU'VE NEVER FELT THE THINGS THAT I'VE FELT
BUT THIS IS WHAT I TOLD MY FRIEND I SAID, YOU KNOW SOMETIMES
YOU GET LONELY, YOU GET LONELY, YOU GET LONELY
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH, OH
AND I CRIED, I CRIED,IED,IED,IED,IED,
OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH,OH
AND THE TAERS, WOULD FEEL UP, IN THE WELLS,
IN THE WELLS OF MY EYES OW BABY
AND ONE TIME IT GOT SO BAD,
TILL ONE TIME I'D ROLE MYSELF UP,
IN A BIG OLE BALL AND DIE
THEN I MET YOU DARLIN, AND YOU SMILED AT ME,
OH,OH SUCH A PRETTY SMILE YES IT AS,
AND YOU REACHED OUT YOUR HAND,
YOU HELPED ME, YOU HELPED ME
YEAH, OH
I'M GLAD BABY, I'M GLAD BABY
OH,OH,OH,BABY,AH,AH,AH,AH,AH,
I WANNA BELIEVE YOU BABY,
I WANT TO BEGRIEVE YOU BABY
I,M GONNA LOVE YOU, OH,OH,OH BABY
I'M GLAD, I'M GLAD BABY
OH,OH, YEAH BABY,OH,OH,OH
I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA,
I LOVE YA, OH, I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA,
I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA
I LOVE YA, I LOVE YA,I LOVE YOU.....
MOVIE QUOTE OF THE WEEK..
"I almost fu@cked up my whole left side" Cedrick the Entertainer in The Kings of Comedy..
Ramon Lopez
Co-Founder
http://www.rydobesity.com
Interview on www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com Please check it out.. http://www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com/programs/wls-journeys/wls-journeys-guest-ramon-lopez.html/
Video, about me, made by my best friend Yvonne.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gCxNTyRUo0
PEACE
464/409/200
Thanks Obesityhelp.com
Co-Founder
http://www.rydobesity.com
Interview on www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com Please check it out.. http://www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com/programs/wls-journeys/wls-journeys-guest-ramon-lopez.html/
Video, about me, made by my best friend Yvonne.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gCxNTyRUo0
PEACE
464/409/200
Thanks Obesityhelp.com
Topic: RE: New Post, 3 weeks post op RNY, Severely depressed and confused - Any advice please??
Thank you guys for all your comments.
I am now over 5 weeks, and am dealing with healing, making the move, and dealing with a broken heart.
I decided to move down South to NC near family - maybe that will help.
I dont know anymore, yes counselling I am looking into that when I get down there. I am just trying to focus on throwing away 4 years of my life and fiting what I can into two suit cases.
Maybe focusing on myself and being free is what I need... I dont know.
But I have to swallow the pain and find the best of me.
I am now over 5 weeks, and am dealing with healing, making the move, and dealing with a broken heart.
I decided to move down South to NC near family - maybe that will help.
I dont know anymore, yes counselling I am looking into that when I get down there. I am just trying to focus on throwing away 4 years of my life and fiting what I can into two suit cases.
Maybe focusing on myself and being free is what I need... I dont know.
But I have to swallow the pain and find the best of me.
Topic: RE: Bi Polar and medications?!?!
Depakote causes weight gain, I gained almost 150 pounds since being put on that medication!! I was working out 6 days a week, eating all natural diet and still gaining!! Do some research and you will find that there are medications for Bipolar that don't cause weight gain. Try a few different things. http://psychcentral.com/it's VERY helpful website!! Hope you find what works!!
Topic: RE: New Post, 3 weeks post op RNY, Severely depressed and confused - Any advice please??
Some people can't handle change at all and it sounds to me like your ex is afraid of the changes you are going through. As we lose weight we become more self confident, we feel better, look better and it's threatening to some. I haven't had surgery yet, but I do know that when you are going through something extreme in life you find out who's really there for you and who's not. It would have been harder for you to marry him and find out afterwards. Stress can and will reak havoc on our bodies and make us sick and unable to heal properly. Venting here helps because there are so many supportive people here. I think finding a good therapist is a really good idea and just trying to relax, breath and take it a day at a time.
And it's true, in Florida we often have our pools open nearly year round, dependig on where you live in Florida! I think a change in scenery might help you a lot! Sometimes what makes us feel better is eliminating what's stressing us out and making us sick.
I hope you find some sort of calm! If you need to talk We're here!
And it's true, in Florida we often have our pools open nearly year round, dependig on where you live in Florida! I think a change in scenery might help you a lot! Sometimes what makes us feel better is eliminating what's stressing us out and making us sick.
I hope you find some sort of calm! If you need to talk We're here!
Topic: How does having a severe mental illness affect surgery?
I'm just starting the WLS process and I'm really concerned about how my mental illness is going to affect getting approved. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, PTSD, severe depression and anxiety. I see a Dr regularly and I'm on medication to treat my mental illness and am stable for the most part. My phsyciatrist thinks surgery is a good idea and thinks that it will help me A LOT! She and my other Dr's are supportive. I'm worried about the pshyc eval. Has anyone had problems getting approved because of a mental illness? Even though it's controlled?
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