Hi Everyone,
I had sinus surgery 10 days ago, and have had some interesting experiences during my recuperation period.  I went into the surgery with a lot of fear about relapsing with my alcohol recovery because of the painkillers.  I am also in an Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program for my alcoholism, because of my terrible relapse and being very newly sober. 

The first few days after the surgery, I had little physical pain, probably because in addition to my narcotic painkiller, I still had the anasthesia in my system.  Then, the pain kicked in, and I was concerned.  My sponsor took me to meetings, and kept reassuring me on the phone that I was okay.  Then, this week, I thought I was out of the woods.  I went to my treatment group on Monday, and then when I got home, I got hit with the most horrific earache I have ever had.  I was in tears.  I took my painkillers and they did nothing to get rid of the pain.  I went to my ENT surgeon for my post-op visit, and he said I had sinus pressure in my ear.  He gave me more steroids, which I ran out of after the surgery, and sent me on my way with instructions to irrigate as much as possible.

Well, the earache keeps coming back each day, in the afternoon, and now that I have returned to work, I have been in tears by the end of the workday.  Now, I am getting panicky because I am almost out of my painkillers.  I don't know if I am panicky because of my fear the pain will hit me again over the weekend, and I will run out of my pills, OR, if I am panicking because I am an alcoholic afraid I won't get my legitimate fix over the weekend.

My plan is to wait and see how things go over the weekend, and if the pain becomes too unbearable, I will go to the emergency room, and get my ear checked out and see what pans out that way. 

I can take a lot of pain.  I gave birth to two children who weighed 10 and a half pounds at birth, and I did it naturally.  I cannot handle the level of pain that ha**** my ear this week.  

Sorry to whine.  I just had to share where I am at.

Trish

Today i am grateful..

For the love shown to Nina http://www.rydobesity.com/nina.htm during her time of need..

That I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not..

For the memories..

That I know I may not be perfect but I am not the worst person in the world I just want to be good that's all..

For the sun shining today..

I will be at a conference, for work, starting today so if I don't get to post a grateful post for the rest of the week can someone step in and do it for me..

Today I am grateful..

For Nina and all she does.. Please see this link http://www.rydobesity.com/nina.htm

For phone calls..

That I am a blessed man..

For the people from the Texas Message Board..

For the out pouring of love shown to Nina.. She is so touched..

02/23 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
The Twelve Steps teach us that as faith grows, so does security.  The terrifying fear of nothingness begins to subside.  As we work The Program, we find that the basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening.  We lose the fear of making decisions, for we realize that if our choice proves wrong, we can learn from the experience.  And should our decision be the right one, we can think God for giving us the courage and the grace that caused us so to act.  AM I GRATEFUL FOR THE COURAGE AND GRACE I RECEIVE FROM MY HIGHER POWER?

TODAY I PRAY
I ask that I be given the power to act, knowing that I have at least a half-chance to make the right decision and that I can learn from  a wrong one.  For so long, decision-making seemed beyond my capabilities.  Now, I can find joy in being able to make choices.  Thank you, God, for courage.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Freedom is choosing.

02-22 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
When I came to The Program, I found people who knew exactly what I meant when I spoke finally of my fears.  They had been where I had been;  they UNDERSTOOD.  I've since learned that many of my fears have to do with projection.  It's normal, for example, to have a tiny "back-burner" fear that the person I love will leave me.  But when the fear takes precedence over my present and very real relationship with the person I'm afraid of losing, then I'm in trouble.  My responsibility to myself includes this:  I must not fear things which do not exist.  AM I CHANGING FROM A FEARFUL PERSON INTO A FEARLESS PERSON?

TODAY I PRAY
I ask God's help in waving away my fears -- those figments, fantasies, monstrous thoughts, projections of disaster which have no bearing on the present.  May I narrow the focus of my imagination and concentrate on the here-and-now, for I tend to see the future through a magnifying glass.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Projected fears, like shadows, are larger than life.