Today, I have to admit that I am an alchoholic.  I have tried on my own to handle it but I continue to fail.  I've been praying a lot but still last night, I binged.  When I drink, I end up in the arms of men I don't know and can't remember.  I'm so ashamed.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me and if he ever knew, it would kill him.  Even now, I think, what if he reads this somehow.  I should keep my secrets hidden.  I can't lie anymore.  I am planning to attend an aa meeting tonight.  Please pray that I have the courage to go.

Rhonda!!  Best of luck with your procedure!! I'll be praying for your health and quick recovery!! Let us know as soon as you can how you're doing!!  You'll be missed chickie!!

Hugs,
Marie

(((((( hugs )))))) Winter is hard on many folks, especially if you are already limited physically. I head into a "low period" as soon as Halloween is over and it runs through my birthday in early March. Just try to keep busy with a hobby or reading.

Anne,

You are so right and thanks for the advice...  The lady that was over my CS was so intimidating, but I should have been honest and told her.  She wanted to me to get the 100 hrs done in 4 mos that is with me working full time also.  I just couldn't handle it, but i should have told my PO what was going on, but due to being under the influence of the pills I made the wrong decision.

I pray if I have jail time that I can do it on weekends also.  I mean to lose my job,etc...  I pray and Pray for God to help and I pray for my PO, the judge etc...

That's what my counselor told me that basically we swap one addiction for another, if I stopped cold turkey on the pills I would have turned to the alchol also.

Thanks for the support.

Hugs,
Mitzi

Don't blame your family for the first time their wanting to sweep everything under the rug. Our family loves us and denial is a coping mechanism for them. You have to be the one to confront your addiction and stand in their faces and tell them you ARE an addict and you need help and their support while you get help.
As for the probation violation - you need to be doing the things you should be doing anyway. BUT without the court ordering it. Go to a 12 step meeting as often as possible -if you can do a 90 in 90 day routine, if you have insurance - get into therapy. Start doing real community service hours.

Back in the early 1990's I was addicted to cocaine and ended up getting convicted of possession. I got violated too and had to do 30 days in jail - while I was able to do it on weekend committments - it totally made me realize that I could not do illegal drugs. (Of course, I then started drinking instead....)

Good luck - you have support here.
Anne