sausage fingers....

Yes, certainly is a touching post, and one I can certainly relate to as I was there, not too long ago. Cancelling attending social events at the last minute because nothing fit, and then stuffing myself to feel better.
I am 2 1/2 months out, and the old me is coming back, and not only that I was at my nephew's surprise birthday party Saturday night, and everyone said how great I looked. What a treat that was. And with all of the goodies around I DIDN"T EVEN WANT THEM!!! that is the best part.
I wish you the joy I have received....
jackie

Your post is so true for many..count me as one..Joyce

 Toni....thank you for sharing such a painful reflection......as with most other's here, our self hatred we have for our bodies dictates our lives in so many arena's.  

My story is no different  - I recall several years ago wanting to take a knife to my body to cut off the excess fat. My ex - husband hated my body which only reinforced my own disgrace for my body.  I would sneak eat to comfort myself which would only compound the problem.  

I missed my 20th highschool reunion because I was disgusted in how I looked.  I wouldn't go out to work functions becuase I didn't want anyone to see me eat.  I wouldn't eat in restuarants because I was afraid people were watching me eat.  

Turn the clock 20 years forward.....my addiction to food continues, my self-loathing of my body has continued but I do understand myself and "how I tick" much clearer.  

-Food gave me the comfort I didn't receive in my childhood/marriage....
-Food never left me or abandoned me
-Food was always there for me
-Food provided instant gratification

I am on a new journey and I do have HOPE and FAITH that food will no longer have the power over me.  Stay on your journey, you can do this....I have faith in you. 

Toni,
I really enjoyed your post....you articulate what many of us feel and experience. You really seem in a good space for this journey and i wish you well on it. Are you an author or into creative writing? If not you really seem to have a gift for this. I hope you are keeping a journal of these thoughts....they will help you to focus and commit as you traverse the WLS process. Best wishes, j

Charolli,

Thank you for the compliment. No, not an author...although I have always been told that I should write a book. I love to write... and I do write a blog (Fat Girl Changing her World), but other than that, my writing has been limited to friends and family. Writing has always been something that comes naturally to me, and one day.... someday...I hope to write a book....about what? I haven't got a clue yet! 

I really appreciate everyone's replies to my post....when I am in a mood, writing gets my thoughts out of my head... not sure if that makes sense to you...but it is my way of allowing the positivity in my soul to bubble back up to the surface.. out with the negative thoughts...up with the happy ones!