Do you ever fear for your children because they have your genetic make-up whi*****ludes...
I have never been one to deny my children little treats here and there. Packing lunches is my biggest challenge with them and I always try include at least 2 fresh fruit, some sort of raw veggie, and usually, they get leftovers from dinner the night before so I know they aren't getting tons of processed crap. I also include one or two "treat" items such as homemade oatmeal chocolate chip muffins, or fruit gummies, or right now usually a piece of Halloween candy (I am trying desperately to get it out of the house!). I give them only 100% fruit juice, and always a big reusable bottle of water.
The problem is with my eldest daughter. Lately I have noticed that she has the same drive towards food that I have always had. If there is junk food involved in an activity such as a class party or get together, it seems to be all that she can focus on until it is gone and she had this drive to make sure she feels like she has gotten her fair share and then some. Lately, her lunches have come home with the fruit and veggies still there, as well as the water, and sometimes even the juice, meanwhile, all of the snacky items are eaten up. My retaliation to this is that her next days lunch has no sort of processed food in it whatsoever. She gets the bare minimum. It usually seems to hit home for a few days, and then she is back to her old habits.
I have a really hard time creating a good balance. I grew up in a home where food was strictly monitored and I was always aware of my body image and that it was not "normal". We ate carob instead of chocolate, and the closest my mom ever came to baking (except at Christmas), was something along the lines of "lemon zest, cranberry, nut loaf", which these days sounds wonderful, but as a child was an embarrassment as the other children happily ate Dunkeroos and Pop Tarts. As soon as I could make my own food choices, I rebelled and began to gain weight, never stopping until I eventually weighed 329 pounds and had to have WLS. I don't want to deny my children to the point that they feel they have to gorge themselves whenever I am not around.
Right now my daughter is a tall, skinny little stick. She is lean and willowy like her daddy, but I wonder if this will ever change. As soon as puberty hits, I worry about what will happen. My question to you, is how open are you about discussing weight with your children, particularly your daughters? Olivia is only 6. Today, after finding her lunch left full of fruits and veggies, I found myself having a conversation with her about how making unhealthy eating choices leads to extra fat on your body, and how this extra fat damages you heart, and causes a lot of problems for your body. I advised her that she doesn't want to go through all the challenges that I had to go through, and I wanted to help her make healthy choices so she learns now how to care for her body.
I wonder if I went to far and if she is too young to hear this? I don't want to cause her to fear food and eating, or cause her some sort of complex about her body, but at the same time, I desperately want to avoid putting her through any of the physical and emotion misery I experienced being an over weight person my entire life.
The problem is with my eldest daughter. Lately I have noticed that she has the same drive towards food that I have always had. If there is junk food involved in an activity such as a class party or get together, it seems to be all that she can focus on until it is gone and she had this drive to make sure she feels like she has gotten her fair share and then some. Lately, her lunches have come home with the fruit and veggies still there, as well as the water, and sometimes even the juice, meanwhile, all of the snacky items are eaten up. My retaliation to this is that her next days lunch has no sort of processed food in it whatsoever. She gets the bare minimum. It usually seems to hit home for a few days, and then she is back to her old habits.
I have a really hard time creating a good balance. I grew up in a home where food was strictly monitored and I was always aware of my body image and that it was not "normal". We ate carob instead of chocolate, and the closest my mom ever came to baking (except at Christmas), was something along the lines of "lemon zest, cranberry, nut loaf", which these days sounds wonderful, but as a child was an embarrassment as the other children happily ate Dunkeroos and Pop Tarts. As soon as I could make my own food choices, I rebelled and began to gain weight, never stopping until I eventually weighed 329 pounds and had to have WLS. I don't want to deny my children to the point that they feel they have to gorge themselves whenever I am not around.
Right now my daughter is a tall, skinny little stick. She is lean and willowy like her daddy, but I wonder if this will ever change. As soon as puberty hits, I worry about what will happen. My question to you, is how open are you about discussing weight with your children, particularly your daughters? Olivia is only 6. Today, after finding her lunch left full of fruits and veggies, I found myself having a conversation with her about how making unhealthy eating choices leads to extra fat on your body, and how this extra fat damages you heart, and causes a lot of problems for your body. I advised her that she doesn't want to go through all the challenges that I had to go through, and I wanted to help her make healthy choices so she learns now how to care for her body.
I wonder if I went to far and if she is too young to hear this? I don't want to cause her to fear food and eating, or cause her some sort of complex about her body, but at the same time, I desperately want to avoid putting her through any of the physical and emotion misery I experienced being an over weight person my entire life.
Referral Sent: March 19, 2010
Surgery date with Dr. Denis Hong: December 9, 2010
Absolutely, I do worry often about my 11 year old son and his eating habits / body image. He is tall and strongly built like myself but has a tendency to carry " a little extra padding" around the middle.
We keep him active in sports to combat this, and he has recently joined the YMCA with me to keep active. The excercise helps, especially when it is "just fun". We always pushed the produce on him, even when he was a toddler ( a 2 year old who liked red peppers, broccoli, spinach)!
I agree with you Marny, the "treats" seem to appeal to the tastebuds lately. I find we have to be very vigilant about building the base meals around healthy food, and if the junk sneaks in as "toppers" then we have still fought the good fight. I have been open with him about my surgery, and why it was needed. He even attended the Nutritional meeting with me pre-op as I wanted him to know first hand what I was getting into, and he may personalize some of the information. I don't want his body image messed up. I feel if we are open and honest about why we must make the right choices, and what the consequences are if we don't it may stick around with him when he makes all the calls himself. I think we as parents may lose some of the battles to advertising, peer pressure, etc., but can still win the war of good health and proper nutritition.
Roy
We keep him active in sports to combat this, and he has recently joined the YMCA with me to keep active. The excercise helps, especially when it is "just fun". We always pushed the produce on him, even when he was a toddler ( a 2 year old who liked red peppers, broccoli, spinach)!
I agree with you Marny, the "treats" seem to appeal to the tastebuds lately. I find we have to be very vigilant about building the base meals around healthy food, and if the junk sneaks in as "toppers" then we have still fought the good fight. I have been open with him about my surgery, and why it was needed. He even attended the Nutritional meeting with me pre-op as I wanted him to know first hand what I was getting into, and he may personalize some of the information. I don't want his body image messed up. I feel if we are open and honest about why we must make the right choices, and what the consequences are if we don't it may stick around with him when he makes all the calls himself. I think we as parents may lose some of the battles to advertising, peer pressure, etc., but can still win the war of good health and proper nutritition.
Roy
It's so hard to find that balance, isn't it? Is she too young to learn about nutrition? I don't think so. I have 2 boys who are 4 and 7 and I know without a doubt that I am teaching them far better habits than I had growing up. My husband & I talk about food with them all the time, teaching them to make choices about their food. We are teaching them about hunger and what is best to give your body when it's hungry. We don't outlaw 'treats' but we have rules about them. And they are learning them. My mother in law, who is obese and diabetic and oblivious to the impact of food in her own life constantly pushes food on us from the minute we arrive at her house until the minute we leave. Last week my 4-year old told her that he couldn't have Smarties until he had a healthy snack first...and then asked her for an apple. I was shocked when he ate the apple and then said his tummy was too full for Smarties.
This process has completely changed my relationship with food and therefor has such a good impact on my kids relationship with food. We name the foods on our plate at dinner time and talk about what vitamins and minerals are in them and what they will do for their bodies. My 7-year old knows what to eat for protein and what has calcium and Vitamin C in it. He still loves Kinder Eggs and potato chips, but understands that they are treats. I want them to have balance. I want to teach them how to choose. I try really hard not to create an all or nothing situation. And just like every other aspect of parenting, I hope I am doing it right. It sounds to me like you are too, Marny.
This process has completely changed my relationship with food and therefor has such a good impact on my kids relationship with food. We name the foods on our plate at dinner time and talk about what vitamins and minerals are in them and what they will do for their bodies. My 7-year old knows what to eat for protein and what has calcium and Vitamin C in it. He still loves Kinder Eggs and potato chips, but understands that they are treats. I want them to have balance. I want to teach them how to choose. I try really hard not to create an all or nothing situation. And just like every other aspect of parenting, I hope I am doing it right. It sounds to me like you are too, Marny.
Kerry
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Your words really resonated with me. I don't know that I have the answers either and I waffle (pardon the pun) back and forth with this in my mind. One thing I try do is ask her to wait 5 minutes for seconds of food (junk or otherwise). I always say I am happy to give her more if she is still hungry. Usually by 5 minutes she is distracted onto something else. When I ask if she wants more, she usually says no.
I would love to hear more from others' experiences. I really appreciated to two posts already here. I think it is a constant struggle between our fears, their genetics and positive eating habits.
Andrea.
I would love to hear more from others' experiences. I really appreciated to two posts already here. I think it is a constant struggle between our fears, their genetics and positive eating habits.
Andrea.
I can so relate to this my youngest is 11 and a little chubby she will pick junk if I am not here it is not in hte house but Dad will buy it for her I have talked to her she knows about my surgery and why and always tells me how proud she is of me I do not want to make her feel bad about herself so I gently skirt around the talks my oldest daughter is 30 and very heavy 5'7 and about 260 but is in denial and "happy" the way she is she is very sifferent from my youngest so I am afraid but hoping that since she was so young when I had surgery that groeing up very aware of it will lead her down the healthy path
Jan 
2.8 pounds below goal
2.8 pounds below goal 
As someone who suffered through childhood obesity and is watching her nine year old daughter struggle the same I can understand your fears. I am hoping that things will improve for my daughter as I lead by example in getting active. She currently is in Synchro swimming and I encourage healthy eating but it is hard I understand the the stigma and the teasing that happens at that age. I really hope that through my encoragement and increase in activity post surgery she will get active and healthy too. It breaks my heart when I see she can't keep up with the other kidsa or wear the cute outfits by hannah montana etc. I remember those feelings and I try to show her empathy and talk about health not appearances but as someone who lived it it is hard to to get the clear message about appearances. When I discuss my surgery it is about getting healthy not about loosing weight, it is about mommy getting active not loosing inches, it is about making better choices and not getting sick like granny has been. I refuse to talk to my daughter about loosing weight but will discuss getting active and healthy. ( we all know the bonus to those things is improved appearance according to media standards and society standards)
Robin
Robin
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