Renewed Resolve!

Toni B.
on 6/10/12 6:25 am, edited 6/9/12 6:29 pm - Sudbury, Ontario

RNY on 01/19/12

Home sweet home. I am back from my vacation and ready to hit the ground running....(literally I plan to start running)... with my Renewed Resolve.

The last couple weeks I have been a little lax with the rules...and I think part of it has something to do with an weird emotional response to being at my current weight.

I used to be this exact weight (216) seven years ago, and I was pretty content with myself back then. Like I would look in the mirror and say to myself "Ok, I can work with this." In the past few years as the scale climbed and climbed, I longed to be back at that weight again, because it was the last time I remembered being sort of happy with myself (with regards to weight.)

So, once I got back here I sort of started to relax... because OMG, I am back to actually recognizing that girl in the mirror again... so I loosened the reigns of my inner food police... but I don't think I was completely cogizant of the *why* part of why I did this.

But with the time off, I started to really analyze it...

It is weird to be in this emotional place where you measure yourself against the person you were happy being before, and then realizing that IT IS POSSIBLE to be the person you always dreamed/fantasized of being.

Has anyone else had a similiar sort or moment?

Now I am in this place where I know I need to dig deeper and work harder, because the easy part is over and the next 51lbs will be the hardest part.

I am OK with that... because I am ready for it, and I have decided that I REALLY DO WANT IT! Yay!

This is me on vacation, at the Halfway Log Dump, Bruce Peninsula National Park, Tobermory, ON. :P

Toni..."Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it"
www.fatgirlchangingherworld.com Twitter:@fatgirlchanging
Surgery JAN. 19th, 2012 - Down 120 lbs & 75 inches @ my last Weigh in!!!!

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JJ_
on 6/10/12 8:08 am

Very cute pic!

That is great work for your to figure out your emotions regarding your current weight. Saves time on a psychologist bench :)

Judy

Toni B.
on 6/10/12 10:18 am - Sudbury, Ontario

RNY on 01/19/12

Thanks Judy! I agree! (about saving time on the psychologist bench...haha)

Toni..."Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it"
www.fatgirlchangingherworld.com Twitter:@fatgirlchanging
Surgery JAN. 19th, 2012 - Down 120 lbs & 75 inches @ my last Weigh in!!!!

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binaakwe
on 6/10/12 9:07 am - Lindsay, Canada

RNY on 08/13/12

Great photo! You look great!!! So healthy!

Really well said.

Congrats on the reflective work which is so often left undone.

Cheers.

- Bin

          Referral:     Dec 12, 2011          RNY Surgery:         August 13, 2012
          HW:          394 lbs                                                 SW:                        334 lbs

Toni B.
on 6/10/12 10:20 am - Sudbury, Ontario

RNY on 01/19/12

Thanks Bin... I think sometimes the toughest part is the reflective work...but it can be the most important... because whatever IT is, it drives what we do...

Toni..."Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it"
www.fatgirlchangingherworld.com Twitter:@fatgirlchanging
Surgery JAN. 19th, 2012 - Down 120 lbs & 75 inches @ my last Weigh in!!!!

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Tammy G.
on 6/10/12 9:32 am - London, Canada

RNY on 01/25/12

Great job Toni on you recognizing where you are with your weight....6 months ago I would have died to be at the weight I am now (total loss of 111lbs) but you are right....getting lax is so easy to justify with self that one can easily fall back into old habits and stop policing ourself. I have been guilty of it myself. This journey has brought on a whole new meaning of self thought and emotion. That's why the veterans tell us to enjoy the journey, it's definitely one that we learn a whole lot about ourselves!!

Tammy

Toni B.
on 6/10/12 10:20 am - Sudbury, Ontario

RNY on 01/19/12

You're right Tammy... it's a helluva journey!

Toni..."Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it"
www.fatgirlchangingherworld.com Twitter:@fatgirlchanging
Surgery JAN. 19th, 2012 - Down 120 lbs & 75 inches @ my last Weigh in!!!!

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Sirene
on 6/10/12 9:38 am - Ottawa, Canada

RNY on 10/20/11

I had the exact same thing happen to me at 221lbs. That was the smallest I had ever been as an adult and was so pleased with myself back then....I remember walking down the mall to meet my mother and have her start as I walked up since she hadnt recognized me until I was only a few feet from her...

I stayed at 221 for a very long time, unable to break through that barrier. I finally managed to work through it and the scale started moving again .My guess is, that some "plateaus" are really obstacles of the mind....

I can't tell you what to do to get through it, because only you know the answer to that....and I am positive that if you look hard enough at yourself, you really *do* know the answer.

Good luck!!
(you look FABULOUS btw!!)

Jennifer

Toni B.
on 6/10/12 10:22 am - Sudbury, Ontario

RNY on 01/19/12

Thanks Sirene, it helps to know that someone else out there has experienced this too. I feel better recognizing what IT is, and recommitting to myself. I agree with what you said about plateaus sometimes being obstacles of the mind... I think in a way, that is what I have done... for the past couple weeks. And I am confident that I will figure out MY way to move forward... and every victory here on out will be that much sweeter...

Toni..."Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it"
www.fatgirlchangingherworld.com Twitter:@fatgirlchanging
Surgery JAN. 19th, 2012 - Down 120 lbs & 75 inches @ my last Weigh in!!!!

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hobbithands
on 6/10/12 9:51 am - Brussels, Canada

RNY on 05/30/12

Welcome home you look fantastic!

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