Find Your Inner Ninja: Week 1 (Thursday)

~From "Why Weight" by Geneen Roth

The very first thing that struck me in the book was in the intro. She says "The best part [of breaking free from compulsive eating] is knowing that the answers are not outside of me, in any prescribed diet.  The answers are within me-in my head, my heart, my stomach.  I can Listen to myself; I will not destroy myself.  When I am hungry, I can eat; when I need comfort, I can ask for it"

WOW would I like to get to that place!  I am not fully there yet.  I don't fully trust my ability to beat my problem with overeating.  This brings us to.......

AWARENESS

First be aware of who you are.  Write a list of things that identify who you really are.  Some items might be positive and some items might be negative. Your items can be single words, or long abstract sentences- Anything goes.  Does anything you wrote surprise you?  If you were to reread your list on another day, would your responses change based on how your day/week has been going or would your response be the same?  How honest are you being about how you see yourself?  How much of how you see yourself is based on your current state of mind, and how much do you think is "absolute".  How strongly do your emotions colour how you see yourself?   

Here is my list about me.  Share yours, only if you feel comfortable

MARNY

I am a mom of two girls.

I am 35 years old.

I am creative and artistic.

I am a good teacher.

I am a goal-oriented person.

I am funny (at least I feel that I am ).

I am always worried about what others will think of me and that colours almost everything I say and do. (Except right now.  I'm being painfully honest right now!  haha).

I am a worrier- I worry about everything.

I am a person who has have suffered from panic and anxiety disorder for which I took medication.  I still have bouts now and again, though I am not taking any medication at present.  Much of my worry centers around how I perceive my health to be. 

I am terrified of failure and I rarely forgive myself when I fail.

I am a person who craves change.

I am still overweight and I'm not satisfied with my current weight.

I am always feeling rushed and I am often impatient because I never feel like I have enough time for everything on my plate.

I am not sure anyone understands the true me.  I hide a lot of truth about myself- even from the people I am closest to.

I am never alone.  I always have people around me (kids, other people's kids, friends, my husband).  Sometimes I stay up till 4 or 5 in the morning even though I have to work the next day,simply because it is the only time I can be alone. 

I am clicking "submit" before I lose the courage to share all this stuff about myself.

Hi Marny, good on you for starting this thread, and good on you for sharing your list.

i know I am an emotional eater, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready to share a list just yet.

Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth.  Everyone has a different comfort level and that's understandable.  Thanks for reading though, and maybe something will strike you in one of the threads that will be helpful.  

This is awesome! I LOOOVE Geneen Roth and will have to pick up this book! and Inner Ninja is my anthem- seriously!!!

I will look forward to ongoing posts!!! I have done my own list:

I am happily married and very secure in this.

I have always been a worrier but I am losing the uptightness!

I have tons of self talk especially about my job that as a nurse (unhealthy physically and with anxiety/depression hx.) "what makes you soo qualified"   this comes from nowhere but my own head!!!

I have only become a person of acceptance and change since surgery and am committed to investing in myself from now own (whether my head says its selfish or not) 

I still struggle with the concept of balance.  

I wear my heart on my sleeve. Do NOT have a pokerface at all.

My identity/ego thrives on being a rescuer, a helpful friend or useful stranger. I will go to great lengths to help anyone out (in the past, to the point of ignoring any need of my own)

I get bitter and take it personal when people don't make an effort to get together because I  mourn for the loss of traditions and "when times were simplier" but I let it affect me.  

I have learned that I am a person with full range of feelings and like it or not - can't eat them! So I am still learning what anger feels like or conflict resolution because I have never been able to defenc myself verbally (too emotional****IL NOW!

I'm happy with my body (my marriage helps that fact because I'm sure I wouldn't feel so good being this way with a stranger).

I have finally filled a void I had with this OH family. Though none of us have met- it feels like we are friends!

I hear you about the balance thing.  My tendency is to pick a goal and then go "whole hog", eventually burn myself out, and then get upset with myself.  I am a people pleaser and I find it very difficult to say no to people and so my plate is almost always full as can be.

Mellissa...

I am 32 years.

I have two sons, 17 & 8.

I am a dog lover and have two dogs, a chocolate lab and a yellow lab

I feel like all I am is a wife and mother and somewhere along the way I've lost myself

I crave approval and acceptance from those in my life

I am very shy around new people

I find myself being too judgemental of other even though I know how it feels to be judged.

music is a huge part of my day and not very often will you see me without my iPod on.

I keep a journal and have since I was 12 years old and have never got rid of one.

I know why I emotionally eat but I am too scared to deal with the true reason.

I am a good listener.

I am understanding.

I over stress about the smallest things.

I am driven and determined

I keep a lot of things to myself, thoughts, feelings etc

I also feel like I am a wife, mother, and teacher, and not much else.  It is hard to find yourself when you spend so much time focused on everyone else.   

I am 50 but I don't feel it

I am a psw and most of the time I feel that I am good at my job

I am a giver. If i have it and you need it I will give it to you. 

I don't trust people to fast. You have to earn my trust

I forgive people I don't stay angry

I am fat yes I still see me as fat

I am trust worthy

worrier 

sad a lot trying to figure out my purpose on this earth

I wear a lot of masks- to hide my true feelings. { there is a poem about hiding behind maks} and this poem is me

This is the hardest one to write I don't feel that people like me

I like you Barb!! !!  You're great! 

Who am I?

I am 59.

Single and always have been, no kids, no husband

Early retired 2012 to get away from the stress

I am much happier now.

I still have 20 pounds to lose and am struggling 

I am sensitive, kind, caring and very generous

I love my 16 year old kitty, my sister, my brother and my closest friends

I am quiet and reserved.

Quick to learn new things and am passionate about music

I love watching TV and am not ashamed to admit it

I walked a 32K walk in 2012 for Weekend to end Cancer

I am very hard on myself, have a lot of negative self talk and always think i am not good enough.

I'm a perfectionist and hate to fail

That's it for now...Liz