Will I really feel different?

lol, glad I could give you a chuckle - I seriously felt like a crazy person last night! And it's good that everyone understands. I'm definitely upping my water intake and that has helped today. I think part of me was railing against myself last night - I know I will not allow cheating now, or after surgery, and the whinny brat in me was having a temper tantrum and I let it out. But in the light of day (and sanity) I definitely know that this is all worth it. I'm looking forward to the stage when I'm not as hungry and food becomes fuel and nutrition instead of a drug. Thank you so much for the encouragement, it really helps! I am taking that little angel with me through next week in to surgery! :) 

Hey Katie!

I remember that first shake you had! You posted that lovely photo with the opti shake spread! I know you can do this. You will be successful, I know it!

You've wanted this for so long and you're so near, I know you will rock this whole thing, you can do it!

Here cheering you on!

Jo

Thanks Jo :D That first optimistic Opti seems like a lifetime ago instead of two and a half weeks! But I had the right attitude then and I just have to focus on that optimistic part of myself that knows I can get through it. I've had my pity party now it's time to knuckle down and get through this last 7 days! Thank you so much for the support, it means a lot :)

27 days on Opti – and no cheating for me. I FEEL your pain. I had dreams about pizza I had cravings and then it just became routine. I did remove myself from some food social events because I didn’t want to be tempted. But you can do this, you are strong enough and want this enough.

Someone had a previous post about being on Opti and it was like a child stomping their feet saying I WANT THIS NOW and having a tantrum when they couldn’t have it. Reflect on this as to the WHY you are having the struggle, is it actual hunger, or loss of control over our choices, food addiction or a million or other reasons why. Food was our best buddy... pizza and burgers (insert your own food preference) were front and center and we lost those. You will survive, I promise.

Now after surgery, you honestly won’t feel like a new person. You will feel like a person who now has to manage their day to day “new” routine to get all their fluids etc. in. It is a full time job and food isn't something that is priority.

I am on the soft food phase at the moment and do I want pizza? Sure my head wants pizza because I remember how friggin good it is. This is where the mind games come in, I would love to order a pizza and eat it and I know I would be COMPLETELY sick.

That is what my brain and memories want, but not what my body wants or needs.

I had this discussion with myself. IF I did have that pizza… what does it mean?

1. Slippery slope to more pizza and bad food choices
2. Bread – haven’t touched it in 3 months
3. Head hunger vs real hunger
4. Old habits vs new habits
5. I don’t want to ruin this 2^nd chance I have.
6. Control – I don’t want to lose it
7. I am not even friggin hungry so why do I want pizza?
8. Set back in my healing
9. Foamies and other unpleasantness
10. NOT WORTH IT

One day I will have a bite of pizza I am sure but not 5 weeks out of surgery. There are so many other things to worry about.

We don’t change our thoughts overnight because of the surgery; we work on a little bit of ourselves everyday creating a new normal for us. Making the right choices, understanding why we made bad choices previously. Don’t be afraid to talk about challenges and struggles, most of us have had or are going through them.

Totally, last night the child was stomping and having a tizzy fit. This morning I am back in control. I've used food to regulate my mood for so long. And the control issues surrounding food. Food addiction for sure. I've used sugar like a drug for most of my life, even when I was a kid. So that part of me that thinks it needs food to cope with the world won't lie down quietly. But I'm working on it, using similar steps as you although mine are in regards to Opti and not cheating. But of course they will carry through after surgery. It's good to hear the realistic side - that while physiologically things change and you may not enjoy what you did before, mentally you have to work on it bit by bit. I'm looking forward to the stage where food will be fuel and nutrition, and a job to get enough in to keep me healthy and strong, but not something I use as an emotional crutch. I'm looking forward to when it's a job and not an obsession. Now that my pity party is over I feel much stronger about where I am going. I think I needed to have a little breakdown/*****fest in order to pull it all together again ;)

Thank you so much for the support and encouragement and sharing what you've been through. Everything that you post-ops share helps us pre-ops!!

I'm sorry you are still struggling through Opti,

I can't really relate as this has seemed easy for me and I assume it was going to be the easiest part of the process.  After surgery is going to be the hard work.

My only suggestion to you is to occupy you mind more, too much thinking and dwelling on what you can't have will make the process more of a struggle. Stay busy  go where food is not the centre of attention, do things that have absolutely nothing related to eating.

Are you drinking broth, jello and popsicles?

I'm glad it hasn't been a nightmare for you :) It's way easier to get through when you don't feel like a crazy person, lol. But you're right - after surgery will be hard. For all of us.

I think you're right - I need to occupy my mind more. And I know this, it just seems to have fallen by the wayside. I get bored at work and then go home and do nothing but read or watch tv and I need to engage my brain more. I know that creative projects take me out of my head-hunger but I haven't been utilizing that coping strategy in the last little while. Time to get back on track! And being places where food isn't the central focus helps - that's why I am skipping Thanksgiving. So glad you're not having issues since you have to cook - I'd be a mess ;) I talked to a friend last night who invited me to her and her boyfriend's cottage for the weekend so I can go up to Muskoka and relax, no big dinners or family to deal with. They aren't cooking so it will be low key and not too many people up there- just what I need before surgery! 

I'm drinking broth but haven't had much Jello because I get sick of the sweet. But I got a bunch of Dasani drops and Crystal Light flavours in the States last week that we don't get up here and am just trying them out today and that is definitely helping :)

I hated every minute of opti fast. I did have a major cheat halfway through and regretted it immediately. I was sure I would never change.
Now, 4.5 months later, sure I still think about certain foods. I used to love French fries. I had one.....I didn't enjoy it one bit. As someone else said, you can't imagine the changes that happen. The craving really does go away or change.
The first 3 months I literally had to force myself to eat. There were days when all I did was drink milk because I had no desire for food. It will all change for you.
Hang in there. For me, the opti was the hardest part. Smooth sailing since surgery.

I'm glad you made it through Opti-hell and it's been smooth sailing since. I really hope it happens that way for me too. I'm glad I haven't cheated, and I'm sure once this is over I'll feel proud but I'm sure as you know when you're in the thick of it, it doesn't matter. You just want food! But I've heard other people talk about cheating and then regretting it as you said. So I will persevere and do 7 more days, and then everything will change ;) 

Thanks for the support, I appreciate it!!

Katie, be careful with the word "cheat"... that is a diet word and you are on a life journey.  Opti is the last Pre surgery step on your life path to healthy.

I have been reading your responses... girl you got this... and you know it... opti fast IS your *****!   

I am looking forward to watching your journey unfold post op!