Any suggestions for ensuring my kids will stop worrying?

Kath L
on 6/4/15 11:57 am

My three girls are 20, 16 and 9.  My middle one in particular is high anxiety and is so worried about me doing this surgery.  She is completely freaked out and is angry that I want to do this.

 

I ensured her that through this process I am getting very well informed and even if I felt a tiny bit like this wasn't for me I could back out at any time.  Of course, I do not have any intentions of backing out but I'm trying to ease her mind that it's an educated decision I have made to come this far.

 

My oldest asked ... "are you sure you are prepared to never eat chocolate cake again?" ... lol.  I see her concern.  Sure, who doesn't like cake ... but I've dieted many times before and I know there are other things to eat instead that are "legal" and will satisfy my craving.  

 

I know I can do this.  How can I convince my girls that this is all going to be ok?

 

 

MeltingMindyLoo
on 6/4/15 1:04 pm - Sudbury, ON, Canada
RNY on 07/21/15

Those seem like age appropriate responses from a 16yo and a 20yo.  

 

There may be nothing you can do to ease your 16yo's anxiety, except go through the process, stick to the plan and be successful.  Are their risks to this procedure?  Yes.  There are also risks with staying obese.  Your daughter may or may not be able to wrap her head around the idea that this procedure may be preventing a lot more even riskier operations further down the road.  Your response to her concern seems very sound.

How is the 9yo reacting?

37yo, 5'8". HW: 396lbs, CW: 276.6

avivaps
on 6/4/15 2:01 pm
RNY on 02/28/12

Do you know exactly what she is worried about?  Most of us assume it's the risk of death or complications from surgery and this may well be the case.  But sometimes it is something else or something more.  Life is going to change, even for them.  Mom is going to change...this is a scary place for any of us.  It may be worth a chat, try not to assume you know what she is worried about and let her talk it out (if you haven't already done this).  Talk to her (if you're comfortable) about what it is like being so heavy.  Show her how this is a well thought out plan with medical support.  Reassure her that while things may change and be a bit topsy turvy as you get your WLS legs under you, you are still her mom and will just be a slimmer, happier version :)

Andrea.

 

    

RNY February 2012

starting BMI 40

margarita_mrs
on 6/4/15 3:02 pm

OK, my kids are 7 and 10 and there were many MANY tears about me dying.  I was very honest with them.  Told them my surgeon does this surgery for his job.  He goes in and operates on people, just like they go to school to learn and I go to work to teach.  Shared the doc's stats with them and the fact that no one had died on the table and that I wasn't planning to be the first.

 

And down the road, you CAN have a BITE of chocolate cake if you want to.

Referral sent- June/July 2014  Orientation GGH- Aug. 28/14  SW/Nurse/Nutritionist- Sept. 18/15  SW/Nurse/Nutritionist Part 2- Nov. 18/15  Pre-surgery education class- Feb. 9/15  Meet surgeon - Mar. 23/15  Surgery date- May 29, 2015  A great day to start a new chapter in my life!

 

CazR
on 6/4/15 4:33 pm - Canada

Margarita....I'd love to chat more and follow your progress hun.......I'm jealous right now.... I want this sooo bad ..NOW !!....LMAO

 

margarita_mrs
on 6/4/15 4:54 pm

Don't be jealous!  It's a process for  a reason.  If you read my profile, you'll see this is my second time through the process because i backed out the first time. WLS is not an easy fix.  It's a lot of work on your MINDSET!

Referral sent- June/July 2014  Orientation GGH- Aug. 28/14  SW/Nurse/Nutritionist- Sept. 18/15  SW/Nurse/Nutritionist Part 2- Nov. 18/15  Pre-surgery education class- Feb. 9/15  Meet surgeon - Mar. 23/15  Surgery date- May 29, 2015  A great day to start a new chapter in my life!

 

CazR
on 6/4/15 6:21 pm - Canada

Oh I have the right mindset already...I want this so bad now...been unhealthy and unhappy for yrs..I want to be healthy and free :)

Thx hun :)  You doing awesome !!

betony63
on 6/4/15 5:07 pm

At Guelph, the nurse suggested I bring my 16-year-old daughter to my surgeon's appointment so she could have her questions answered. My daughter didn't take me up on the invite, but just knowing that she could seemed to settle some of her fears.

 

  

GUELPH. Referral: Dec 6/13. Orientation: Mar 6/14, Post-op Diet Class: Sept 22/14, Meeting with Surgeon: Dec 2/14, Surgery: Jan 22/15

Karen M.
on 6/5/15 4:41 am - Mississauga, Canada

I think with kids of any age, not "over-sharing" is important. They don't "need" to know all the details and if your middle daughter is having anxiety about it already, cutting back on the talking about it could help. I think sometimes we tend to get caught up in the process and it becomes a focus for us and we end up talking about it a lot more than others would likely choose to hear about it. My son was 14 1/2 when I had surgery - he knew the basics (mom is having surgery on her gut) but the learning about the post-op lifestyle, etc. came after, when necessary.

 

Karen

Ontario Recipes Forum - http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/ontario_recipes/

SmallPlates
on 6/5/15 7:26 am - Canada

I am in the same boat, so the answers to your question are of benefit to me.

My youngest daughter is 25, and has lots of "misinformation" that I have since corrected her on.

My oldest daughter is 29, and though I need to rely on her for future rides, she does not want to talk about the process.

My mother died in October 2013, and I think there is some fear on their parts that they might lose me.

SmallPlates HW: 281 ~ Referral May 14 W 268 BMI 43 Bloodwork June 3  Orientation GGH June 4.  NP June 15 W 264 RD/SW July 7  Sleep Study KW Aug 4 Trio Aug 17  Cracving Change Sept Sept 10, 17. 24  Trio Oct 19 

     

    

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