Looking for some mature opinions

Such a hard question Jules and I really feel for you.  It's easy to sit back and tell a mother to let him sink or swim, but much harder to watch someone drown without handing a branch.  I would remind him.  I wouldn't take him there and if he doesn't go then he has to own that, but you will always wonder if you don't remind him if you did the right thing or not.  Good luck to both of you!

Kat

What if Grandma reminds him without bringing Mom into it? 

EVERYONE on the TMB advised her not to call, except me.  My advice was to call and just casually ask "So, What time are you going to be at his office?"

I really thought it would be divided, sort of like it is here, but there it was no one thought she should call.  That is why I asked for a mature opinion.

 I have a friend who is a lawyer.  His opinion is:  do whatever you have to do to keep your kids out of jail.  The abuse by the criminal element & the law enforcement is not to be trifled with.  "things" that go on in jails are not to be taken lightly.  You don't know what they will learn or suffer in there.  Is his "crime" worth the life lesson?

Yes, our kids can act so immature while thinking they "know it all".  But at what cost should we "teach" them a lesson?  If this child was in his 20's or 30's I'd say he has had time to learn but at 17 yrs, No... no way does he really know what he is doing.  There is a difference between tough love and abandoning them while they are making "stupid" choices.

I use to think that if my child did something wrong then I would let them sit it out in jail.  Oh, but I learned that jails are not like Mayberry and Andy Griffith is not a real sheriff.  What would you do to help them along?

Millie

My son was arrested in his later teens.  I did not let him sit it out, but I did not bail him out immediately.  We let him sit for about 8 hours.  Long enough to see he did not want to go back.

My point exactly Millie.  Maybe the opinion I have has something to do with my husband working in law enforcement for 30 years and stories he's told about what goes on in the jail.

Remind him!!!

I agree with have Grandma remind him!

I feel SOOO fortunate after reading these posts.  My DH was in the military, our kids knew if they got into trouble it would impact HIS career. I think that foundation helped after we retired and they were still teenagers.

I agree...I would remind him...but...I wouldn't take him.
Just my opinion.

Hugs...connie d

Dear Jules,
Tough love...it's tough.
I know how you are feeling because I'm going through the same thing with my nephew.
You need to stop enabling, you can't rescue him. His choice, his decisions. Yes he's still a child but wants to be an adult. Very tough to follow through with not saving him again.

My nephew (age 20 now) had been doing drugs since jr. high. He is now a meth/heroin addict. He is currently in rehab and we are not holding our breath. Sometimes it takes several times for rehab to work. It's a disease. This is not the son your raised, he is a drug addict and because he's 17 he's attempting to run his own life. Been there done that with my nephew.
The courts couldn't help us because of his age, mom couldn't make him do rehab at 17 because the choice was his to make. He refused to let go of his "friends", he stole, lied, and he wasn't the kid I knew, just because of these damn drugs. He has been in jail several times. We just continue to pray for him cuz it's out of our hands.