Drug addict brother-rant (long)

Okay, I haven't heard from my brother in 15 years. He calls me out of the blue and wants me to loan him money for a used car (he doesn't have a driver's license). Told him I have no money or car to give him. He started crying, telling me all of his friends are dead, the last one was shot and killed 2 wks. ago. Thank God for my therapist. I had to do touchlove with my 20 yr. old nephew who now is in rehab. Anyway I told him if he's suicidal to go to the hospital and they'd admit him on the psych ward, the hospital I work in doesn't have a detox unit anymore.

I couldn't pick him up b/c I was busy with my FIL who is admitted  here and is dying. Told brother to call other siblings to get a ride. My sister dropped him off and left. I get a call from brother's ex-wife who is now living with him again and she told me they wouldn't admit him. My new hubby of 5 mths. has never met my siblings...why? Because they are all users and I'm done with them. Somehow they learned I sold my house, so suddenly I'm hearing from them.

When I see my brother he hugs me and tells me he wants to be in my life again. Told him I'd give him a ride home that's it and I'm not enabling him anymore. Long story short...he got his drugs, information given to him to get on the waiting list for rehab/detox place. Told him not to call me, I have a new life and he brings nothing to a relationship except heartbreak. I don't want him around my stepdaughters or grandchildren. It broke my heart and I burst into tears after I dropped them back home, which was 50 miles out of my way. Thank God I don't live by them. You can't pick your family but I have chosen well my friends who are my family.

I am so sorry Debbie. That had to be hard. No matter how far off the path our family members get off the path we love them and hate to see what they do to themselves. You did what you could at the time and you are right to keep your family protected. All I can do is send you a Big Huggggg, but I really mean it. Blessings.

I totally understand where you are Debbie.  I had (and had is the word) a SIL that was a drug addict.  She went up to Traverse City and checked into the Phoenix house, a rehab.  She was clean for three years and then came back to the Detroit area where she got back in with her old crowd.  She'd ask us for money, and we'd buy her dinner, or food, but not give her cash.  After she came back to the Metro Detroit area she began using again and eventually succumbed to her illness (at age 40)  Such a loss, but now we don't have to worry if the unidentified body they found in the alley is Linda.  You've done all you can and he needs to own his actions.  It's hard, but you can't enable anymore.  Good luck to you and him.
Jan

Thanks Jani and others for the support. It's so hard to do tough love. This brother was more like a son, I was more of a mom to him than a sister. It's sad to see him go downhill. My drug of choice was food, his was drugs, my other sibling chose alcohol.

My transfer addiction now is exercise. I chose wisely!!

Debbie, I am so sorry that your family is putting you in the position that they are. It is hard showing those that we love tough love, but really it is in their best interest, even if they don't see it that way. You have to protect yourself from being hurt and you also have to protect your husband and children and grands too. The younger ones shouldn't be put in the position of having to watch that, heaven only knows they have enough terrible things in this world to see.

Keep your chin up and know that we are here for you when you need to vent your feelings. You never have to worry about us not being here. Make sure that you take care of you.......that is the most important thing that you can do. If you don't take care of yourself you suffer and so does your family. I am sending love and hugs to you....I really hope that you feel them coming to you. If you need me for anything know that you just need to pm me for a phone call or I am on the OFF directory along with my phone number.

Thanks Brenda, you are a real sweetheart.
I do need to protect my family now. I feel sorry for my brother, I will just keep him in my prayers.

It just threw me for a loop here and I've been stress/emotional eating since last night. Gotta come to grips with this and not feel guilty.

 WOW....  I don't identify with the situation but I can with the stress and emotions you are having.  Hang tough and remember we are here for you to vent to.  You are not turning your back on your family, it is their choice of lifestyle.  

I'm sure he does want to be in your life again but he should know you have perimeters and conditions that have to be met.  Your family now is so important to protect and he needs to know that.

We are here when you need to vent.  Just keep away from your comfort foods.   Know we have you in our prayers.

Millie

Oh thanks Millie (I just love that name)
It so scary when you reach out for comfort foods and emotional eat!! I'm trying so hard to get a grip on emotional eating. Food: My drug of choice...I'm going to "kick it to the moon" today and not eat anything crappy. Go for a long walk and thank God that He's at my side, just wish God would take my heartache away. Drug addicts effect the whole family.

My heart goes out to you.  My brother is psychotic AND a drug user AND a user in every other sense.  At age 55, he has never worked, and after my mother supported him for 20 years (on her retirement income), I finally gave him the heave-ho.  Ever since I cancelled her credit card that he was using (charging $4000/MONTH), we haven't been on civil speaking terms.  My husband refuses to change our phone number, but that's what I suggest you do.

You are a sweetheart for trying to take care of all these family members, but the most important thing is to take care of YOU.

Jean

Thanks Jean.
As soon as our contract is up for our cell phones we will do that.