Just wanted to share this with you...

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my brothers death. My mothers 6 year anniversary of dying was on the 7th of July. I didn't do to bad with this except now it is dark and quiet and I am alone. I am starting to have all those memories flooding my mind. I miss him and mom! I didn't get along with him to well until the last 2 years of his life, which is after he got cancer. Then he was a much nicer person to be around. I wish he was as easy to have been around the other 45 years of his life, if so we would have been friends. He was the brother I had always wanted when he was sick. Isn't that kind of a bad thing to say? I mean he should have been that person all the time but he was so mean and angry until he got cancer. I always wanted a brother I could do fun stuff with and he became that boy I wanted to love but not until the last 2 years of his life! What a waste of those other 45 years! Why does GOD do these things? He took him away when we started to get along! It always makes me wonder why? BTW he was only 47 years old at time of death. I guess you figured that out already. So he is gone and I am filing bankruptcy and losing everything else like my house. WOW what a year! Why!?
 Thanks for letting me vent! Michelle

Michelle
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and brother. 
I can't answer your question; I wish that I could.  "Why?" is something that we'll probably never know.
However, I do know that I have learned something wonderful from everything that has happened to me including my own bout with cancer, the recent death of my sister and the loss of a great deal of money.  I've learned to appreciate something everyday, even the not so wonderful days  -  the fact that I'm alive, the song of a bird near my house, the love of my two silly dogs.  I've learned that I can manage without a lot of money and that there are so many other things that are so much more important than money.  I've learned to say "I love you" to people that I love even if they don't respond in kind  -   they probably need to hear it more than most.  I've learned that we are all going through some type of hurt and that being kind doesn't cost me anything and may brighten someone else's day.    I've learned that saying or doing the littlest thing for someone else that may seem inconsequential to me may make a world of difference to another, and I probably won't know! 
I've learned many things, but I can truly say that learning to love myself and others and to forgive myself have been the greatest gifts from all of the tragedy, chaos and loss that I've had in my life. 
So I don't know the answer to "why?" but I do believe that if you open yourself to the possibilities, you will learn more than you ever could have imagined.
Margaret

Thank you Margaret. I learn so much when I'm just "eavesdropping."  I try to live by this philosophy too, but sometimes busy life gets in the way and I lose focus. I will refocus today.

You are welcome, Karen.  I think that we are all the same when it comes to needing to be reminded to slow down and exhale. 
At my sister's  memorial in June, I learned things about her that I'd never known  -  like her consistently paying for people who were behind her in the drive thru at Tim Hortons (a Canadian coffee/doughnut place), and that when she was in Vancouver BC last year, she bent down to speak to a homeless person  before purchasing him/her some food instead of ignoring the situation like so many others. 
She wasn't always like this, but as she aged and came to terms with her own demons, she looked beyond herself to help others.  I have taken her message to heart and will try my hardest to remember that others are hurting on those days when I am running from giving one lecture to another and feel that I can't keep up.  It won't be easy, and I'll need someone here to help me refocus and to look outside of myself.  I know that I will find what I need if only I keep my eyes and heart open.

Michelle,

Night time is hard isn't it? After my dad died my mom would stay up as late as she could sewing, reading, quilting, anything to keep her awake. Then when she went to sleep she would be able to sleep until the sun came up. She always said that sorrow was easier to handle when the sun was up.

I sure don't have any answers either but wanted you to know that I care and that hopefully life will get better for you. Sometimes it seems like the only way to go is UP doesn't it? I think sharing openly is a good thing. Sometimes when I share something even without getting a response putting it out there helps me to see the direction that I need to go. Take care.

Michelle my heart is aching for you. I am so sorry you didn't have more quality time with your brother.So sad!!

As for the material things...it is hard to deal with the loss but it doesn't change who you are. You will make it through this....even though it hurts like heck right now.

We are here for you...anytime!!


Hugs....connie d

Michelle,
Sending you hugs and prayers.
Even when you ask God "Why"? You are perfectly normal in asking. We have faith and hope to get us through the tough times. Embrace those last 2 years with happiness of the joy of getting to know your brother. I know the sorrow your feel, all of us do, we have been there. Walk softly with God and feel his presence, God is always at your side.

Now for you filing for bankruptcy, a lot of people are doing that right now. Home is where you make it. We don't need things to make us happy. Hopefully you have good family and friends to surround you with love. If not...keep posting, you will get support here.

My brother was killed in a car accident at 18 yrs. old, 3 days before he was to graduate from high school. We were very close, only 1 yr and 2 days apart. We celebrated our birthdays together. He was my buddy and we never tattled on each other growing up unlike my younger siblings! Thinking of David now brings me joy but those first 10 years were hard on me, it felt like a lost a part of my heart. Now I like to think Dave is my guardian angel.

Michelle, I have never lost a sibling but I have lost a lot of people who I love deeply. I believe that asking "Why?" is a perfectly normal thing and I also believe that God would be surprised if we humans didn't ask it at times in our lives. I once asked why to my minister after the loss of my 2nd baby...she wisely told me that she couldn't always answer that question and but she could tell me that question will be answered when I get to my final destination. I in turn told that then it wouldn't be important. I take that whole scenario with me every day of my life. I asked why to a lot of things and through the years have learned to tell myself that the answer is not important right now. What is just is. I have to remember that God often puts things in our lives to make a difference in our lives. I think that is why this whole thing happened with your brother. You have the happy times, even though they were brief for you, that you shared with your brother and know that he needed that time with you before his passing. You helped him and he helped you...which is just what brothers and sisters are suppose to do...and when it happened is just a moot point. Don't focus on the time focus on the fact that it happened.

I have also learned that what you have in life materially is not important. Is the love, goodness, kindness and most of all the loving family and friends that you have in your life that mean the most. It isn't a race of what do I own in my life..or at least it shouldn't be...it should be a life of who have I loved, who have I helped and what difference have I made in someones life.

Remember that you can come here any time for support..we are always here. Try to leave the past in the past but just remember to learn from it...learn from it and leave it where it belongs..in the past. 

  

I'm so sorry Michelle.  There are no good answers to the question "Why?" but you've gotten some good information and loving support from all the folks here. 

I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the death of my sister from cancer, so I can understand some of what you are feeling.  There were four of us kids growing up, and now it's just my oldest sister and me.  It's random and unfair.  Made me appreciate life all the more.

I'll be thinking of you tonight, and hoping you find some comfort in the company of these nice women on this board. 

Ev