Seeing Myself

right now i am going through this myself!!! i KNOW i lost almost 150 pounds but i still FEEL and LOOK fat to me!!!! why??? i am wearing a size 14/16 depending on the brand...why all of a sudden do i feel that i am still 334 pounds??????? is it because of all the flabby loose skin??? is it because of the "mushroom" bulge over the waist of my pants?? i just am not happy with how i look right now....but YES i also look at people and wonder if i am their size or bigger....and i also talk freely to anyone that will listen to me about my having gastric by pass surgery....in fact i talked to a lady yesterday about it and she told me about her son being about 500 pounds and was afraid to have this surgery...i gave her this web site and told her to have him come to us for support. i hope he does. anyhow...i guess we will always see ourselves as still "fat" even tho we aren't....

Oh my dear, what a great question!

I've been at goal for two years, and wear a size 4. Like George, I still hold up pants (especially panties) and wonder who these clothes belong to. When I shop it has gotten easier to recognize if a top is the right size, too big or small, but pants are still a  problem.

I also have been overweight all my life, so this is the first time that I've been a "normal" size. Whatever that is!  After talking to many people who are many years post op, or are mental health folks, this situation does get better as time goes by. Some say as long as two to three years after goal has been reached.   I do see a change in how I see myself. Now I see maybe a size 8 or so, but NOT a 4.

Last week I met with a lady from our AR board who went back home and posted about our meeting. She told everyone I was "itty-bitty". Hmmmm it's not what I would call myself. I guess I'm still a work in progress.

Oh, one more thing. One psychologist suggested to me that I draw on a large piece of paper what I think my outline would look like. Then, while I'm standing against the paper, have someone draw around my body so I can actually SEE the size I am, versus the size I think I am.

Interesting experiment!

I did this on a piece of butcher paper and it helps alot!

Also, looking at my before and afters side by side have helped but I still wake up thinking I am that 330# person again......the brain is a powerful entity to contend with!!

Mary Jo Rapini says we have to remember the surgeon's operated on our stomachs, not our brains.  We have to do the "work" inside our heads { and for me that can be a scary place!}

It takes awhile for the brain to catch up on your weight loss and new body.
Wear fitted clothes, that helps.

Go to the mall with a friend.
People watch. Don't talk about weight/size when your are observing others.
Have a hand signal or touch your ear when you think someone is your size.
Your friend can correct you as needed.

Hi!
Oh boy I can talk about this subject for hours..........

I recently hit my goal weight, I've lost 155 lbs (kind of want to lose another 5 but will decide that later).  Anyhow.......... this is the 3rd time in my life that I have lost more than 100 lbs.  BUT this is the last time!  There are difference for me this time.  I believe it is these differences that have allowed me for the first time to see myself and think of myself as a thin person. 

In the past when I lost weight I never changed my thinking about food......I never changed my relationship with food.  Food was still my "best friend", my source of joy and comfort.  Not anymore.  I just don't say those words, I've been tested over the last year and can honestly say I did not turn to food when I had something to celebrate and even bigger for me I did not run to the kitchen when stressed or faced with some difficult time.   So this is why I believe for me (and I can only speak for me) things are different. 

Another big difference this time for me was I really never said "I was on a diet".  I made a conscious decision to change my eating habits........to eat healthy.  So for the 18 months it took for me to lose all this weight I made daily choices to eat healthy.  I wasn't perfect and it wasn't easy but now it is a habit!

Something else that helps me to see the thin person is I take pictures all the time.  At least at the beginning of each month and normally more often (like in a new outfit or smaller pants, etc).  I did this because sometimes I did not see the scale go down but my cloths felt a little looser or the tape measure showed 1/2 inch off my waist but I couldn't wrap my head around what a 1/2 inch off my big waist meant.  Somehow comparing pictures always helped me to see I was getting thinner and thinner and thinner......(plus it's evidence to me of where I never want to return!)

When I would say to myself I am getting thinner I never said "I'm less fat or I'm not as fat".....I tried to stay away from the negative and just spoke in a positive frame.  Know what I mean?

I do see a thin person when I look in the mirror and I feel like a thin person.  I didn't say that 20 years ago when I lost 100 lbs (and then gained it all back plus an extra 30 or 40).  I think I see that thin person because I believe I am a thin person and I think like a thin person for the first time in my life.  Maybe I'm totally wrong but it is working for me.....

Hope that helps a little.....

Best wishes on your journey

I know exactly what you mean.  For a long time, I still saw the same old fat girl when I looked in the mirror.  I still have trouble comprehending my new body size.  For example, in a restaurant I will look at the narrow space between two tables and think I can't fit through it, when in fact I can.  When I catch sight of my reflection in a store window, I think, "Who is that little woman?"

I was obese for something like 27 years, so it's no wonder that it's taking my brain a while to catch up with what's happened to my body in the past 2 years.  Most of the time now I'm better able to "see" my new body size, but I have days when I think I'm fat again even though my scale says I weigh the same and my small clothes still fit.  To add to all of this, we're living in a society that sends us (especially women) a zillion mixed messages about body size.  Glancing through a magazine while you wait at the McDonald's drive-thru, you look you see photos of underweight models and celebrities.  Then you place your order and the server says, "You want that super-sized?"  I think it's hard to grow up female in America without experiencing a certain degree of body dysmorphia.

I try not to compare myself to others.  Occasionally here on OH (on the lap-band forum), members will post a thread that asks your body size: your height, weight, and clothing size.  The responses always blow my mind.  How is it possible that someone 1" taller than me weighing 30 lbs more than me wears a size smaller than me?  I have a friend who is 6" taller than me, 70 lbs heavier than me, and wears the same size as me.

Things that have helped me adjust my self-concept include comparing Before and Now photos and trying on the Fat Outfit I saved (falls off me).  Once I spread my Fat Outfit out on my bed and laid one of my Skinny Outfits over it.  Seeing all the excess fabric in the Fat Outfit was a great visual reminder of how far I've come.

Jean

Oh my goodness,,so strange that you should post this today!

Im 4 years our as of next month, and I struggle with this terribly! When I had my surgery, I wasa 335 pounds and size 28-30. I lost down to 198 pounds and size 12-14. I stayed there for about two years, then gained almost 20 pounds. I can still wear some 14s,,mostly at the top. but take a 16W or even some 18s at the bottom. Needless to say. I panicked and became soo depressed, even though my family said that I still look great.

I bought a full length mirror for my sewing room, and told my husband something is wrong with that mirror. It is a trick mirror that makes ya look skinnier than ya are...and I was serious when I told him. He got it. and looked in it and said ,,,,"you are crazy! There is nothing wrong with that mirror! I said yes there is,,look how skinny I look! he got really upset with me and said,,,You ARE that size honey,,,thats what we all see,,thats what we are trying to tell you! You are not fat! You have some distorted image of yourself being huge and  you are not. You are still one hot babe!!!"
I was so upset,,convinved still that the mirror is wrong. Im beginning to think I need a therapist..I cant relate to the image in the mirror at all. You would think after four years I wouldnt have a problem!
So yes,,I think its a common thing among us WLS people. And I hate it..I want so much to enjoy my size! I am constantley comparing myself to others..always. I stress every day whether something Im wearing makes me look fat...its a struggle for sure.

Frustrated!
betsy

WOW! Y'all have certainly provided a wealth of info. And some interesting suggestions.I especially like the idea of going out with DH or friend and "people-matching."  And closer to goal, the paper tracing image would be a help, too.
I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at myself in the mirror (just call me Narcissis!). One thing I've noticed is I feel better about myself if I'm wearing clothes. After losing almost 70 lbs, and at my age, gravity is an ugly thing! I did yo-yo off 125 lbs a long time ago, and thought I looked like a concentration camp victim. Honey, I looked good compared to now! Not only are things sagging, now my aging skin is shriveling like a dried prune. But that's a whole other thing. Meanwhile, if I wear clothes to cover the floppy bits, I'm starting to look okay.
I am taking pictures, and it is great to not feel like hiding when the camera comes out! I can see changes and improvements.
I did NOT keep any of my "fat" clothes. My yo-yo persona fears I'll grow back into them like I have in the past. And they take up the space of 2 or 3 "skinny" outfits in the closet.

Many thanks to all of you for sharing. It's good to know I'm not alone in my dilemma.