OT: Finding Freedom in No
Many of us, from childhood on, are taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice.
When others ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are acquiescing out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate your personal power by saying no, you may feel compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no" may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.
There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes almost always has a cost, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation for the appeal before you.
...and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick.
We are flexible.
Darlene
Aloha dear Darlene.......I LOVED this one!! I have been guilty of saying yes many many times when I really wanted to say NO! For instance, last year, January, my son and DIL asked me to come to Santa Cruz and babysit their THREE BABIES.......4,2, and 8 months for a week while they went skiing in Switzerland! Uh, I said "sure" and what a job that was!! Three babies require LOTS of attention.....feeding, diapering, dressing, brushing teeth, strapping into car seats, bathing, jammies, peaceful bedtime (uh huh, sure). This tutu (grandma) was exhausted every night and vowed never to agree to do that again. Well, guess what?? I'm going again this Jan. BUT it's only four days I'll have the babies alone....not a week. I think I can handle 4 days!! The "babies" are now 5, 3, and 1!
Thanks for reinforcing a chance I'm going to work on making
!!
Aloha nui loa,
Maui Karen
