OT: Rant-Hurt Feelings

Well well well.  So much for being a wanted mother/mother-in-law.  Lastnight at the hospital Jay was telling Jessica that he didn't want to take time off of work this last week of school.  He didn't want to leave a sub with party week etc.  We were all sitting there and Jessica said to Jay, "Jay, I need help.  It's not like I have family here willing to help!"  Well, WTF am I, chopped liver?  Jay said "My Mom had offered to stay and help" and she gave him a real dirty look and he said "we'll talk about it later" and dropped it.  Well, no one said anything more and today I'm pretty weapy.  Her parents are up at the hospital with her now because Jay needed to go to his school and make lesson plans for the next three days he's taking off.  Jessica didn't want to be alone at the hospital.  I wonder if that's an only child thing... I'm at Jay's house taking care of his dog and Jessica's parent's dog.  I was so thrilled and honored to be asked to help, only to have it be obvious she doesn't want my help now. Brenda, I know how it feels to be unwanted now.  Gary says it's just because she's scared.  She tried changing her first diaper lastnight.  Jay has been doing it.  I can't imagine her giving Joshua a bath after seeing her change the diaper.  She really does need some help.  I'm pretty sad and hurt right now.  Venting here should help.  You guys are the best.
Gram Jan

I can sympathize with you Jan, my DIL barely speaks to me, if they ever had a baby (which is not likely to happen) I'm afraid I'd be the last person on earth she'd call for help......so sad.  

Your DIL is just scared and not thinking straight......don't worry, you'll get plenty of grandma time.

That's what we're here for to give our support to all on this board.
I know how it is to be hurt, I've cried plenty of times.   Chin up and smile, I just know things will get better soon.

Hugs,
Pat r.

jani
sounds like she is being a bit of a sissy. You may have to remind her she isn't the only women to every have a baby. Millions of women have them every day. She is a college graduate she can handle it.

I understand that she may be a little intimidated right now. Just set back and and let it play out.
Remember to spoil the kid when ever you can. Sounds like she wants to be babied. Could be post partom  too.  Make sure you  separate her and her condition from that of the baby.
You remember when we had our first, every one always asked how is the baby? Does the baby need anything. Let me hold the baby, No body remembers to ask how the parents are and if they need anything. 

And the mother no longer has a name it become Mommy or somebodys mommy.


right now the baby is new and everyone wants to be a part of it. But a few months down the road when they want a baby sitter to get a brake. You will be there.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  It is so sad.

We have a similar situation, but it is with our own daughter.  My daughter would rather her kids stay with people she met at church in the last 2 years, than to let us watch them.  It hurts.  I honestly don't know if it is her or my SIL, but you would like to think your child would speak up on  your behalf.  I can't count the number of times we were told "we would do x, but we have no one to watch the kids".  For crying out loud, they live 45 minutes away.

Then we have my son and DIL, who let us have their three for about 10 hours yesterday.  We loved it.

Gram Jan,

So sorry that you are experiencing this and while it won't hurt less, I understand, as my DIL, while not so blatant about things, of course turns to her mother for everything. . .  however, I also have come to realize that it is natural for daughter's do turn to their mom's, as I remember how my own daughter, who lived with her MIL in the DIL suite, wanted me there to help and not her MIL. . .  still hurts though. . .  give it time, she has raging hormones right now and as you said, probably a lot of fear. . .

Wishing you lots of enjoyment of that sweet baby boy!

Hugs, Laureen

Gramma Jan,
So sorry you are feeling this right now.  I'm thinking (and hoping) your DIL is having some hormone issues and not thinking clearly.  Maybe you can just quietly pull your son aside and say  "hey we are here and we want to help".....
I'm guessing this is her first baby....maybe some of that new mommy nervous/craziness???

Don't take it too personally I bet it will work out real soon.

Thinking of you and sending sunshine and hugs.

jan...atleast you got to SEE your grandchild and HOLD him!!! i have 5 that i know of and only held ONE and only saw him til he was 2 years old!!! they should be about teenagers now...so sad...i hope that your DIL comes around for your sake...and like many have said...give her time and she will be begging you to watch the baby!!! good luck and know we are all here for you to vent whenever you need to!!!! (((jan)))

jani im so sorry

hugs, jacki

 Well, count me in on the list of grandparents that are not quite up to par with the kids standards.  I just finished packing up gifts to send off and was lamenting to my Mom how left out I feel with my son and his family.  I feel like a can of tuna that has been left out on the counter for 4 days..... 

I'm sure each of us can tell our own stories of disappointment and hurt...  I'm glad we have this forum to let off steam.

Gram Jan,  take care of yourself and remember there is a bigger picture to see.

Millie

Jan,

I'm so sorry your feelings are hurt.  I think with all of the excitement of the new baby and postpartum, she may be feeling very confused and scared. I remember when my daughter had her baby, she felt safer with me watching the baby in the very beginning, that quickly changed.  Now my granddaughter will soon be 11, and is very close with her other grandparents who love her dearly.

Hoping this will pass very quickly once your daughter-in-law becomes more secure with being a mom and getting used to the baby.  ((((HUGS)))

Also, wanted to wish you congratulations, Grandma!  The baby is beautiful and I know you probably don't want to leave him - lol - I know I wouldn't want to!

Debbie