Redefining self and relationships

I am 5 years out and 160+ pounds lost. I have not had plastic surgery. I am in poverty. My RNY was paid for the the state medicad program. There are many issues after gastric bypass for me after the physical came the mainatainance of phsyical. I am not able to return to the average diet, a great number this things ill effect my tummy system. Relationships became an issue. I had already locked myself in the fat body of inability and how it was time to come out of that building and meet people. I had been fat since I was a child and had not been involved in many activties one of which was social behaviors. I had never had a jobs really to speak of and had been unable my entire life really due to various disabilities. I realied people treated me different after the sugery which quickly turned to people not remembering anymore. I fit in. not the fat girl. But I was waisting away. no support . I recently moved to California from a very small town. I think I aimed too big. Now wrenched in fear. I am learning to meet people and deal with my new sexiness also. I've never been on dates and explored who I was and what I want in life. I accepeted prior to surgery. that I had what I could get. Cloths are awesome. Relationships are hard. My current relationships are strained. no one in my little family not even my child would change. It is hard to maintain health. I loss weight fast and have a hard time with getting enough food and water in all the time. I can only eat about 1/2 cup of food at a time. and am still on a limited diet. I can't always afford supplements and i just get sicker. I can't seem to find a good doctor to help me get my life back on track. I am learning who I am in this too. I have redefined me, stp letting others define me and am reaching big. How are your experiences with defining yourself, your fmaily, friends , dating?

It sounds like you are having some major psychological issues.  My best advice is to go to a clinic for help since you said you are having finance issues as well.

 I am so moved by your letter.  There is almost nothing I can say.

I hope you receive some replies. 

You sound like an amazing beautiful strong person.

Blessings.

I think that counciling would be a great tool. Helps you realize a lot about yourself. I think that the only thing I thought was strange from your letter was that noone in your family, not even your child would change....Did you expect them too? The only person that changed was you. You can't expect more from others, just yourself.
I still only eat about a half cup at a time and don't plan on changing that soon. I just eat more often than most people. I also eat things that would make people cringe on here. My thought is, I've taken the emotion away from my food, so I'm okay with eating.
Learning who YOU are in this journey is a  HUGE step. It's a hard journey. I, thankfully, learned that well before my surgery, so I'm not changing at all really now. I'm still just the same old me. I'm just glad that I can move easier now.
Keep your chin up. Life is waiting for you!

I know this sounds hard to believe but nothing in my life has changed except my clothing size and my health.  I still have the same people in my life and they still treat me the same way.  Maybe because I am older and my priorities are different then when I was in my 20s or 30s.  When I was younger I defined myself by my appearance.  Now I define myself as a person, a mother and grandmother, a friend.  For a long time I defined myself by my health and now that that has improved I am more able to particpate in things that I wasn't able to for a long time but I am still the same me.

I have a hard time understanding what you are saying- you have a lot of things in a small paragraph.

Sounds like you have been through a lot of changes, and that they are hard for you to adjust to. Weight loss, moves, changes in relationships?

What stands out the most for me are your changes in health, and not being able to afford supplements sometimes, as well as eating very little.

Please do what you can to take good, firm care of yourself first! That is the most important priority! Otherwise you won't be able to enjoy the other things life has to offer.

It sounds like you are pretty overwhelmed.  When I feel that way I often find it easier to break the problem down into smaller, easier steps.  I agree that your first priority should be your health.  Your vitamins and supplements are NOT optional.  You MUST make this a priority or else everything else is unlikely to improve but probably only worsen.  When we have had something to hide behind our whole lives, it is sometimes difficult to stand up and take personal responsibility for something.  Your health is now in YOUR hands.  If the doctors you have met with are not helpful, then YOU need to go out there and find someone who is.  Look for a local support group, come here and read and post, take books or CD's out of the library and read to inform yourself.  If you have any coverage for a counselor then push yourself to set this up and deal with some of these hard, self-searching questions.  It sounds like the surgery has done it's job (it is only a tool to help you lose weight) now it is your turn to do your part (working on those psychological issues) so that you can lead a healthier and happier life.

It is not an easy journey, but it is YOUR life and YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Good luck.

Andrea.

Have you been to any support groups? I'm not sure where you are in Cali, but lots of hospitals have them and many are free. I find so much help and healing from them- I hope you can too.

:Danni