Survived trauma anni and even lost 2 pounds despite snacking

Thanks to everyone for the support this week.  Thursday was pretty horrible, especially since I got almost no sleep (literally) the night before and had not been sleeping much for over a week, but I had a double session with my current therapist, talked verfy briefly on the phone with my former therapist *****tired (it was the first anni of the rape without her around and she had said I was free to call her that day if I needed to), and then when I started having a panic attack at sunset, my current therapist talked me through it on the phone until the Ativan kicked in.  

I took yesterday off work as well, even though I had not planned to, because I only slept 2 hours again Thursday night (that zombie state when you have taken Lunesta but are still not sleeping is a trip), and after sleeping  ost of the morning, I spent all afternoon in the sun (very chilly wind, though) digging out an overgrown Mugo pine and putting in a new one, moving a bunch of hostas and flowers, and doing some weeding. (I find gardening very therapeutic.)  So once the guy comes to spread the mulch and re-edge the beds, my front yard will look FABULOUS! (I had taken out a 30 year old holly and replaced it with a hot pink azaela earlier in the week.)

Even with eating some mashed potatoes, three Pop Tarts, a whole 6 ounce package of Tootsie Roll midgies, some mac & cheese, two bagels, half a pint of Haagen Dazs ice cream, and a bunch of dark chocolate Hershey kisses over the course of the week, I stepped on the scale this morning and was down 2 pounds.  I guess the lack of appetite in general and all the gardening outweighed the carb-laden week.

At least it is now over.  I just need to catch up on my sleep now.  Thanks again for your support.

Lora

I am so glad those days are passed now. You are super strong to survive it the best way you can!

Good for you for making it through! I was thinking of you yesterday. In many ways, you are such an inspiration.

Your strength just to post your struggles is so inspiring and I admire your courage.  Thank you for your openness.  Like you, I have also taken up gardening, well veggie container gardening, and also find it very relaxing.  I hope you week next week is much better!

 Sending you a cyber hug! 

Love you Lora!......Thank you for being so hones and sharing of private experiences that you do not have to share literally with the world.  I am mainly speaking of your eating troubles and snacking and being so specific about what you indulged in.  Some people would be so ashamed to mention it here out of fear of a "cyber-thrashing"

You have comforted me  so many times since my RNY in 08 and even though I am not here as often as I use to be it is also because I am struggling with the worst mental relapse I have ever had in my life post-op....Never haveI had insomnia, but since April 2010 I have been ambien addicted, anti-depressant addicted, pain medicine addicted because depression does hurt physically, and suffering from severe carb-addiction.  I too have been having multiple anxiety attacks and I know the traumas at the root of the issues but unfortunately there is nothing I can do to undue the damage.  My DH is the only one besides Jesus that knows and understand the full extinct of it.  I mean, I take Xanax when the emotion**** like a ton of rocks and I don't even be thinking about the occurence...

I know I suffer from PTSD but I never thought that after having the RNY, the emotional part which is connected to my years of emotional eating that I still suffer with could be so volatile

You have my support and blessings Lora.I am only a pm away.  I am so glad you found comfort in gardening.  I find my comfort in writing.  I also am trying to catch up on my sleep and increase my supplements to help clear my head.  I pray, I am a Christian and Jesus is my rock.  But I have started to do my own form of meditation which is just finding 20 minutes a day to just be quiet.  Keep your spirit up, Lora you already have the victory.

My new love is Greek yogurt mixed with SF jello pudding and a lil vanilla extract and eating with apples, but with my emotional issues and PMS, I have been eating McDonalds caramel sundaes, and strange but true Argo cornstarch (it seems to take my appetite for a few licks)...

I'm glad to hear you got through it OK.  I was thinking of you.

 And now that is in the past, and you can move forward. Please, just do not bet yourself up about the eating infractions. sometimes we need to "feed" our pain to make it go away. As long as it is temporary and we regain control we are good!!

Go forth with new energy and resolve!

I'm sending you a big hug, too.  You are a survivor.  It sounds like you have a great support system in place.

You made it thru and can still see the sun and beauty in the world.     That is success by ANY definition.