Update and confession

It has been a full two months since my ex and I decided to get divorced.  It was the worst time in my life thus far.  I have lost far more weight than I ever thought possible.  I am now 225 lbs and in 1x on top and almost to a size 20 on the bottom.  I have a lot of hanging skin in my abdomen.  I think if it was not for the Panni hanging I would be a size 16.  MY health has taken a back seat to a stressful job, my emotional rollercoaster and my overly cheap lifestyle. 

So here is my confession. I have not taken my vitamins in almost a month.  I ran out and never got new ones.  I also have barely eaten.  I am getting maybe 40 grams of protein a day.  The doctor knows I have done this and is suggesting I get bloodwork ASAP to see what damage I am doing or have done already.   Its so hard after such a blow in life to get back to where I was at before my life fell apart.  I want to get better and I want to get myself onto a schedule and take care of myself again.  

I have had a lot happen lately.  

My divorce will be final in July. He already has his girlfriend  and her two kids living in the house we used to share.  He is a liar and a cheat and I am happy I am away from his crap.  I have my own apartment, he is paying my car payment and my cell phone for the next two years and I get alimony every month.  I have not seen him since I moved out.  We do all of our business by text and when I go to the house to visit our cats we leave paperwork and such on the kitchen table to trade off.  It works for us. I cannot have my cats where i live so they are staying with him. They are special needs and moving them around would stress them out.  I see them once a week.  

I met a wonderful guy in February.  He is everything my ex wasn't.  Sweet, considerate, wants a family, we share most of the same values and were raised very much the same way.  Dare I say, I could see myself with him for the long run. We have dated since the beginning of February.  Not putting all of my eggs in one basket, I am being very cautious with my heart, but he is starting to steal it 

I am on birth control pills from my Ob/Gyn to basically shut down my ovaries so I do not end up with endometriosis as bad as it was. I know they do not work 100% for the birth control aspect but it has been good at not making me have a period.  We have, however had a little accident.  On our first sexual experience, we had a condom break and I ended up getting the Morning After Pill to keep myself from getting pregnant.  I never thought I would have to do this. It has reeked havoc on me.  I have spotted for two weeks straight.  The pharmacist advised me to keep taking the birth control pills until the next period.  in two weeks I will have my period week from the pill.  I hope I never need to do this again.  

I am posting this to keep myself accountable.  I want to change and take care of myself, so please do not yell at me. I know I was bad by not taking vitamins and eating right,. Seeing a therapist has helped me very much and I will continue to see him weekly.  

Going a month without vitamins, while not a good thing, will probably not cause any serious problems unless you had some deficiencies before you quit taking them.  It usually takes a while to develop any serious problems from not taking vitamins.

Getting labs done is a good idea, though.

Are you back on your vitamins now?  Or do you have a plan for getting back on them?  And to increase your protein?

You've certainly been through a lot.  You were not "bad" by not taking vitamins and eating right.  You were severely stressed.  You were in "survival mode," doing the things you had to do to get through each moment, without the energy or emotional resources to do more than that.  It's a hard place to be, but it's understandable. 

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Start where you are and move forward from here. Best wishes!

Kelly that is such an amazing response.  The world needs more people like you.  

I don't think I can say anything better or more than what Kelly said.  Even when you think you've hit your worst point, you can always get things back on track and it sounds like you are doing so. Keep it up! I think we have all been there in one way or another. At least I know I have. Hugs and prayers!! :)

Wonderful advice and I want you to know that I think that you are very courageous. In order to be wholly honest we need to tell on ourselves and that is a foundation to begin on because it is the truth.  Thank you for being a great model for me!

I have been thinking about you so I was happy to see your post this morning. What a schmuck your ex is! I can fully understand the "survival mode" you have been in and can relate to your situation on many levels. It sounds to me that you are coming out of the hole and I hope that the sun is getting brighter for you and that every day is better and better for you.

Martha 

I am happy to hear that you have found someone new and that you are not alone in this.  You will be able to get you vitamin levels back up and everything back in control.  I have a stressful life and no support even though I have a husband and grown children and this and a couple of friends are my only support.  You can do it.

As was said above, just keep moving forward to change you as there is really nothing you can change about someone else.  I know it is easier said than done, but sometimes it is good to leave things in the past.  Best wishes to you,

We really are our own worst judges, aren't we?  You went through hell!  That's what you're confessing.  You haven't done anything "wrong."  You're living life to the best of your ability when you can and maybe a little less "best" when you can't.  That's life and reality.  Be well, congratulations on your relationship, do the best you can do for yourself every day.  That's it.  :)

Don`t beat yourself up or be too hard on yourself. You`ve come a long way successfully! Now it`s time to get back on track with those labs, and talk with a Dietician. You realized your mistake and are in the process of fixing it! Ask your Dr`s office if there`s any kind of help for you to get your vitamins(help pay for them) My sister says if you cannot afford them, there`s help. You just have to ask. Good luck & don`t look backwards...set up your mind to be positive now that you`ve lost the "bad energy" (husband) and keep that chin up! You are on your way to a happier place!!