Wow true colours from a chubby friend

 

 

I have just found out that a friend of mine  (morbidly obese & diabetic) has been bagging the decision I have made to have wls. She's been saying it won't work, it's a waste of money and I shouldn't bother.  I only told her I was doing it as I thought it might be an option for her, not that I said that to her, but thought she might benefit from was as well and by telling her I was doing it, she might also look into it.     It just amazes me that the one person that could benefit from wls is the one person that is bagging it.    It's made me feel abit defeated but on the other hand I'm now determine to prove her wrong.  Why do people say such things?   

Maybe she's afraid that it WILL work. I have a friend who has mentioned a few times how different we will be. She doesn't want me to force healthy stuff on her (any more than I used to), and I think she's afraid that I won't be her friend anymore.

I don't talk to her about my weight loss. I do talk about some stuff, and I showed her my flappy arms in the locker room the other day. We both laughed at the way I could make them flap.

Jealousy

Fear

Misinformation

Loss of another 'fatty friend'

The possible reasons are many, however the bottom line is, this person is NOT your supporter, not in your corner, nothing I would consider a friend. A friend would tell you to your face that they are concerned, not talk behind your back.

I'd drop 350 lbs real quick by ending that 'friendship'.

I agree with the poster that said she is probably afraid that it WILL work.  However, just because she may not be responding the way that you would like doesn't mean that she doesn't support you and want what's best for you.  Sometimes the thought of change can be scary and overwhelming for those around us.  

Don't write her off just yet.  Give her a chance to adjust to the changes that you're about to embark on.

I agree with this. If she has done this through out your relationship you need to reconsider the friendship. However, if she has always been supportive this may have been a trigger for a lot of feelings about her self. Give her a minute or two to adjust then tell her it hurt you. I have a very good friend that And we are both actresses. When I was given a part in a play that she drug me to audition for and she wasn't it upset her. She came to the play and supported me but she did tell me early on that she just couldn't talk to me about reherseals or other stuff it was too hard for her. Any other play she has always been there and like I said she came to see it an supported me that way. She also told me she confronted the director because she knew I wasn't as good a singer as she was so she knew them saying her voice wasn't strong enough was not the reason. (I am NOT a good singer so why it stung for a second it wasn't right to be too upset about an honest question). We are still great friends and now we know we can tell each other when we have something we just aren't ready to deal with.

I will say if it happens more often then not it's time to reconsider how much time you spend with her!

So sorry I am also finding out who my true friends are. A friend at work brought me a very large piece of cake. I politely said no thank you. She had lap band surgery several years ago and did not follow her surgeons plan. I know what is right for me and I am in control of myself and make my own decisions good or bad

Show your friend it works long term, everyone loses weight with wls, not very many keep it off or maintains a perfect bmi, and to many spending 20-30k on what amounts to perhaps a 50lb loss does seem like a waste of money.  You need to walk the walk before you talk the talk.

Two things.....she's heard all the negativity about people regaining (it happens) and she isn't ready to make a commitment to her health.

I'll add a third because it needs to be said.....she may not want to be the morbidly obese friend once you lose weight. If your friendship involves lots of food her eating companion is gone. She may also be a little jealous you are going to lose weight. It's also possible her insurance won't pay for surgery.

My suggestion is shrug it off and don't bring it up to her again. We (most of us) have been in her shoes where comments were made about weight.....that **** was frustrating.

I agree with what everyone else has said.  I know I tried 8 years ago to have this surgery and I wanted it so bad, but my insurance company denied me.  I was defeated then and gave up until this last year.  I finally had an insurance that would pay for it and I was determined NOTHING would stop me.  So, I went through the process and had surgery on 5/22/13.  Along the way I've heard awful things from various people about how it wouldn't work, etc.  But, those people are either fighting their own battles or are severely uneducated ;)

 

Don't let the naysayers get you down!

Thanks everyone.  Yes I think she's jealous. I don't know if she has private Heath insurance.  But you would think with diabetes she should have it.  Anyway, I'm going to distance myself from her, I don't need negative comments in my life at the moment. Plus what if I lost all my hair, she would have a field day picking on that. Lol. I'm determine to loose this weight and keep it off.  I have already planned my next show season with my horses. I'm aiming at Sydney royal 2014 Easter show. I'm going to ride my own pony, not get someone else to, and I'm really looking forward to that :) from there in going to bathurst royal, then heading around New South Wales doing a show tour.  A few months on the road with a team if ponies in my truck. I can't wait! Il b a new me. :)