Food obsession

Tomorrow I will be one week out from surgery. This has been such a long process, and I think I have reasonable expectations. Or HAD reasonable expectations. I'm in the puréed stage, still staying mostly liquid. Having stomach cramps (gas pain?) after most everything I eat. I'm not hungry per-se, but I am starting to constantly think about food. Like the extra bad food that helped me steadily climb to 450lbs over the course of my life. I'm worried about my ability to think normally. I feel like all I can do is grieve food and resent my loved ones who can eat "normally". I knew something like this would happen after surgery, but I am not dealing well. Please help.

I am two weeks out. I am not hungry and being around food doesn't bother me yet but I do think it will when I am more hungry. 

So my plan is to journal the good the bad bad and the ugly. Write down the new things that make me happy. I also realize I may need to see a therapist. 

Unfortunately in order to be successful we are always thinking about food: fluids, protein, calories. I log everything in my journal what fluid I consumed, what food, if I had a BM, if I got all my vitamins in. 

People go through it in different ways but you have to deal with your head....sometimes that is the hardest part. When you start seeing results I think it helps you to stay focused. 

After my first WLS I became obsessed with food shows.  I had Food Network on 24/7.  I would watch them make stuff and try to figure out how I could make it WLS friendly.  I never did make one thing, mind you, I just thought about it.

I think it is part of the whole grieving the old way of life and finding our way in our new reality.

For me things change.  My focus has shifted and continues to evolve as I get used to a new way doing things, even after many years.

What you are feeling today, or in the new few months will not last forever even though it feels like it will.  It is just part of the process.  The first year is full of loss (good and bad) and changes and a new way of looking at things.  Every lost pound, every smaller size, will help balance out the loss of the comfort we used to find with food.

Right now it's hard because we are giving up something that has been very important to us and nothing yet has taken it's place.  It will.  Soon how you feel will be more important than what you aren't able to eat today.  It's just a very small piece of a very big picture that you will be more than happy with.

Ladytazz, you hit it out of the park with this reply, especially the words "focus has shifted" and "continues to evolve."  That is why I am reading OH at 4:30 a.m.-- continuing to evolve into a person who will forever keep the focus from shifting backward, scratch that, spiraling backward.

I love this! Great things to think about after reading this. And so far, even at only 6 months out, it's very true and resonates with me.

There are no better or more true words than this. Thanks for sharing them. Enough said.

I definitely went through that depressed stage when I mourned food and felt sorry for myself! It passed pretty quickly for me! Just stay on tack, and soon you'll be celebrating rather than mourning! 

I think fear makes the angry part come out. Come here daily for support and give support.

Write lists of what you want your life to be like when you lose weight. Food was our friend and crutch for such a long time. Habits are hard to break but are doable.

I would look into get a therapist. I wouldn't hurt.

Yep, the surgery was the easy part...the mental stuff, not so much!  I remember being about a month post-op, and I had a super stressful day at work.  I got home and cooked a chicken sausage in my microwave oven.  I was STUFFED after eating half of it, and I felt SO unsatisfied.  I used to use food as an outlet for emotions - and before RNY, after a day like that, I would have polished off an entire pizza!  I realized that food could no longer be a coping mechanism (for stress, anxiety, loneliness, etc.).  It was a major aha moment.

Some ways that help me with my food obsession (and I am still a work in progress and will be for my whole life)...

1. Move my butt.  I started by just walking more and tracking with my FitBit.  I tried to go further and further each day.  Then I joined a gym and began to build my strength.  I realized how good it felt to be strong and fit, much better than eating a pizza.
2. Modify recipes.  Sure, eating a big old pile of nachos sounds good (even at 3 years post-op).  And it's not off the table.  I can brown some ground turkey and season it and eat it with cheese and avocado and I get that yummy nacho taste.  Now, this far out, I can eat chips - but not a whole bag!  (thank god)
3. Find new interests/hobbies.  I made a network of friends from my gym.  I started online dating (and met someone really special!).  I traveled to new places and did things like hikes, that just weren't possible at 350 lbs!

I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.  I still struggle with this on a daily basis, and I just try to make good choices 90% of the time.  I eat protein forward, I don't drink with meals or for 30 minutes after.  

The next few months will be tough, but keep your eye on the prize.  You are headed towards a healthier version of you.  The NSVs (non scale victories) will be as important as seeing the number on the scale go down.  Wait until you have a ton of room between your waist and your airplane seatbelt...until you go on a hilly hike and aren't out of breath...until you don't have to walk in a room and scan your eyes around to see what chairs will hold you...this is a total mindful*k of a journey, but worth it in every way!!!

Good luck!