How did you break it to friends and co-workers?

I have a dilemma ...how did you tell your friends and co-workers you had surgery? Or did you ever tell them? My family knows, and a handful of my friends but not everybody and def not anybody at work. I have lost 40lbs so far and people haven't noticed it (that shows you how much more I need to lose) but in my face it's showing and ppl are starting to notice that "my face looks skinny-er". Did you just tell them you had surgery? In the past the whole world knew my struggles, my diets, and every single pound I lost. But this time I am worried about their judgement, because *I* was one of those who judged when I heard somebody had surgery and mumbled to myself "they took the easy way out". I now know better, it's not the easy way out, it's just a tool. So, how do I break it to people that I had surgery...or should I take the route of "none of their beeswax? What did you do? How did you answer the inquiries about your WL?

Following... I'm still pre-op, but the only coworker who knows I'm going to have surgery is my boss (and I only told her because I'll need time off). Very curious about what others have done!

None of their beeswax is my preference. I do not talk about it at work. When people comment on my weight loss all I say is thanks, I've been working in it. I owe them no explanation. If pressed, and I really haven't been- I tell them I started running. That usually leads to them talking about why they can't run and shifts focus from me.

Haha. I love how telling people that I run always leads to the person I'm talking with feeling TOTALLY compelled to tell me why they can't/won't/don't run. Usually in great detail. Like.. thanks? It's like people interpret "I run" as though I'm saying "everyone should run!" :P

About three months post-op, I announced it on Facebook. But, even before that, if people asked, "what are you doing to lose weight?" I said something along the lines of "diet, exercise, and I had vertical sleeve gastrectomy which is a weight loss surgery that removed about 80% of my stomach." But I waited to announce it on FB until I was sure it was "working." :P

There are people here who say "diet and exercise" and claim that this is the truth, but in my opinion, telling people that you're losing weight with diet and exercise is a lie. If it were true, you wouldn't have opted for surgery.

So I think, if you're going to answer people, you really have two options. You can be truthful and disclose your surgery, or you can say, "I'm sorry, I don't really want to talk about that, can you believe what Daenerys did on that last episode of Game of Thrones?!" I.e., tell them that you're not going to talk about it and change the subject - EVERY SINGLE TIME. It helps to change the subject in the exact same way every single time, because that will get the point across that it's not a topic of conversation you're going to entertain. (This is, effectively, the "none of your beeswax" option.)

If you do disclose, be prepared for more questions. Be prepared for people to discount that you ARE actually changing your diet and exercise. Be prepared for people to make stupid comments. And, be prepared for people to make comments that it's the easy way out - as you yourself did. If you're up for it, you can do the emotional work to educate people and to help to remove the stigma surrounding weight loss surgery.

But please, please, don't lie to people and say that you're losing weight just through diet and exercise. I know how much of a failure I felt like because I couldn't lose weight just through diet and exercise and, clearly, that route didn't work for any of us here.

While I get where you're coming from-- I disagree.

Diet and exercise does work, many do it everyday. I'd sooner theorize it's the emotional baggage that keeps many from maintaining losses-- isnt it why we push therapy so much pre/post op?

I've known a lady for a long time. One day she asked for prayers for a surgery she preferred not to discuss the details of. Then she started posting ALL about every # she lost. I'm of the mind set fine if you don't want to talk about it-- but 'flaunting' is the aggravating/manipulative part IMO. With my decision to be quiet, I also feel responsible to not 'flaunt' it- and I don't. I do not discuss it in any aspect outside of this site.

I'm not responsible for others feelings, only mine. It's my job to protect me first. For me, I liken it to discussing my hair loss with people. I won't. Period. I'm not helping or hurting anyone by not doing so. My life- my choice.

If someone is looking at my life as a measure of why theirs isn't or isn't working for them, they've got deeper self-confidence problems they need to address.

I certainly agree that diet and exercise work for many people - just, clearly, not for us because we opted for WLS.

The option you're taking sounds like a variation of the "none of your business" option, which I think is completely fair/acceptable. (Not that my opinion matters, people can do whatever they want!)

Gwen, I would never tell people diet and exercise alone because I lost a good friend specifically due to her lies. You can't lose 40-50 lbs in a matter of 3-4 months and tell the friend who is struggling with her weight (me) who is only dieting and exercising, that's all she is doing. I felt like a total failure until I saw her skinny minny at a school function. That's when I understood. That's why I asked. I don't wanna be that friend. Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it.

I am so sorry that you had that experience with a former friend. That's really super ****ty for her to have done to you.

I only told my closest family and friends until I was 6 months out, and then I announced it on FB. I keep people updated of major milestones, but otherwise, I don't discuss it much.

If you don't want to tell people, don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation. If a simple "I have a new way of eating" isn't enough, and they press you, then they're being intrusive. If you're not comfortable with "It's none of your business" or "I'd rather not discuss it" or something on those lines, tell them you're eating low carb.