HELP What Can I Do -- Who Can I Turn To????
Okay OH FRiends, I need help please.......or maybe I should say I need some support.
Yesterday was my one month post-op visit with my primary surgeon. He was laughing when he saw the amount of weight I lost this first month -- 26 pounds.............and 18 inches. I was a little taken aback at the laughter until he grabbed me in a big hug and said I was doing an amazing job. Well, not sure those numbers count as amazing, but they are pretty darned good..........IMHO anyway.
He also seconded my other surgeon's release on exercising. A little time on the recumbent bike and a little time on the treadmill and no more than 20 pounds of weights at my fitness center. I'm delighted about that. AND...............TAH DAH, they both said I can get in my pool! No swimming (due to the hernia repair), but I can walk in the pool and that's going to feel so good with all the hot humid weather we've been having. It's been tempting me all summer and now I can go in it and tell it "Neener, Neener!" Yep, I talk to inanimate objects all the time!
So, to the point of this post. After coming home with my happy news, I told the husband. He just looked at me like I had grown another head without a brain! I asked him if he had anything to say about my progress. All he said was "I don't praise fat people for losing weight they never should have gained in the first place" and he went back to doing the woodworking he's currently engaged in.
Kinda took the wind out of my sails. He's never been supportive when I tried dieting in the past either -- would bring me a "reward" of my favorite donut or chocolate bar, etc. Sabotage as I see it now, but I didn't then.
The other problem about support is that I've been pretty open about this. In EVERY single instance, I'm greeted with some variation of "well, I could lose weight too if I took the easy way out"...........and even after explaining that this is NOT easy by any stretch, the end of the conversations end with something like "........even so, it's not a REAL diet" ---- BS BS BS BS BS
And let me not forget my mother who told me I must not be working very hard at this diet or I'd have lost more weight -- she knows so-and-so who lot 50 pound in a month..........which is even MORE BS BS BS BS, but you can't tell a 92 year old woman she's wrong when we all know the sun revolves around her.............UGH
I do have a few people who are encouraging and supportive, but they live so far away and phone calls and e-mails can do only so much. My one-a-month support group at my hospital is really good, but I have been to only 2 meetings and am just meeting the people there.
Maybe this was less a reach-out for support and more a rant/whining session/pity-party. I sure didn't mean it to turn out that way. I just don't know what I can do to get the support I know I'm going to need soon. I've followed my plan very strictly since my surgery, but I know there will come a day when I want to "cheat" and I want someone to turn to for those occasions.
I've thought of trying OA...............anyone with comments on that group or with any other ideas?
Just to be clear, though..........I am thrilled with Myrtle and I'm so glad I did this -- best thing ever! If it weren't for this missing piece, I'd be goofy-stupid happy with everything this surgery has given me.
Thanks for any help you can provide..........
Ree
Yesterday was my one month post-op visit with my primary surgeon. He was laughing when he saw the amount of weight I lost this first month -- 26 pounds.............and 18 inches. I was a little taken aback at the laughter until he grabbed me in a big hug and said I was doing an amazing job. Well, not sure those numbers count as amazing, but they are pretty darned good..........IMHO anyway.
He also seconded my other surgeon's release on exercising. A little time on the recumbent bike and a little time on the treadmill and no more than 20 pounds of weights at my fitness center. I'm delighted about that. AND...............TAH DAH, they both said I can get in my pool! No swimming (due to the hernia repair), but I can walk in the pool and that's going to feel so good with all the hot humid weather we've been having. It's been tempting me all summer and now I can go in it and tell it "Neener, Neener!" Yep, I talk to inanimate objects all the time!
So, to the point of this post. After coming home with my happy news, I told the husband. He just looked at me like I had grown another head without a brain! I asked him if he had anything to say about my progress. All he said was "I don't praise fat people for losing weight they never should have gained in the first place" and he went back to doing the woodworking he's currently engaged in.
Kinda took the wind out of my sails. He's never been supportive when I tried dieting in the past either -- would bring me a "reward" of my favorite donut or chocolate bar, etc. Sabotage as I see it now, but I didn't then.
The other problem about support is that I've been pretty open about this. In EVERY single instance, I'm greeted with some variation of "well, I could lose weight too if I took the easy way out"...........and even after explaining that this is NOT easy by any stretch, the end of the conversations end with something like "........even so, it's not a REAL diet" ---- BS BS BS BS BS
And let me not forget my mother who told me I must not be working very hard at this diet or I'd have lost more weight -- she knows so-and-so who lot 50 pound in a month..........which is even MORE BS BS BS BS, but you can't tell a 92 year old woman she's wrong when we all know the sun revolves around her.............UGH
I do have a few people who are encouraging and supportive, but they live so far away and phone calls and e-mails can do only so much. My one-a-month support group at my hospital is really good, but I have been to only 2 meetings and am just meeting the people there.
Maybe this was less a reach-out for support and more a rant/whining session/pity-party. I sure didn't mean it to turn out that way. I just don't know what I can do to get the support I know I'm going to need soon. I've followed my plan very strictly since my surgery, but I know there will come a day when I want to "cheat" and I want someone to turn to for those occasions.
I've thought of trying OA...............anyone with comments on that group or with any other ideas?
Just to be clear, though..........I am thrilled with Myrtle and I'm so glad I did this -- best thing ever! If it weren't for this missing piece, I'd be goofy-stupid happy with everything this surgery has given me.
Thanks for any help you can provide..........
Ree
Have you asked your surgeon if he has a support group offered through his practice? Look at the local forums here and see if you can find something. Try to just google "Weight Loss Surgery Support groups, and your zip code". I bet you can find something.
As for your husband, I hope that you tell him how hurtful and harmful comments like that are. :(
As for your husband, I hope that you tell him how hurtful and harmful comments like that are. :(
HW:242 Start of Preop Diet: 217 SW:200 CW:116.8 GW: 115; SOCAL MEETUPS GROUP!: http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/socalhallo2012/
Yes, thanks, I do attend the once-a-month support meetings, but I've just started and am beginning to know some of the people. I'm sure it's going to be helpful.
Telling the husband anything is like telling a cat to fetch -- though I'm sure there are cats who would get that more often than telling the husband that he's got negativity issues.
This isn't anything new -- it's just that for the first time, I'm putting myself first and it's taking its toll on everything. This too shall pass as they say..............and when I come out the other end, I may be flying solo.
Telling the husband anything is like telling a cat to fetch -- though I'm sure there are cats who would get that more often than telling the husband that he's got negativity issues.
This isn't anything new -- it's just that for the first time, I'm putting myself first and it's taking its toll on everything. This too shall pass as they say..............and when I come out the other end, I may be flying solo.
Sounds like you might have some serious marital issues - I'm not all about divorce, but my ass would have walked right out the door. Ive been teased/taunted my entire life, and ive delt with some skeptics along the wy, but that is honestly one of the most hurtful things i've heard in a really long time from your husband. That is just shocking to me - took my breath away litteraly and i'm on the other side of the country!
Are you on myfitnesspal? I absolutely love that site/app for support. I have daily non stop support any time i need it :)
You have done an amazing job - i hope you can see past the ******** in your life (sorry for my harsh language but nothing else fits) and celebrate your success.
Are you on myfitnesspal? I absolutely love that site/app for support. I have daily non stop support any time i need it :)
You have done an amazing job - i hope you can see past the ******** in your life (sorry for my harsh language but nothing else fits) and celebrate your success.
www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status
11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift.
HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 200 
85 lbs lost pre-op / 135 post op
~~~~Alison~~~~~
OOPS -- this should appear under acbrown's post, but it's show up under fey's -- weil, you'll understand what I was trying for LOL
You can always bring a giggle to me with your "right out there" ways. I love it! Yep, the issues have been around for at least 25 of the 42 years of this union. I can't leave at this point. I'm 65 -- people don't hire at this age even if I wanted to get a job outside the home. I needed the insurance -- now I have Medicare, but the cost of the medigap insurance is astronomical, plus the prescription coverage........I'd need to start robbing banks for a living LOL
Something will happen to let me work through this mess -- flying solo doesn't scare me in any other way except financially.
I have been tracking on the nutrition tracker on this site -- I did join MFP -- will have to get active on it, I think -- thanks for the suggestion.
My sanity isn't gone -- I still have a sense of humor and look for the silver linings............they are always there -- just have to dig sometimes!
Thanks for your words of wisdom -- harsh??? Not really -- fitting??? Most definitely LOL
You can always bring a giggle to me with your "right out there" ways. I love it! Yep, the issues have been around for at least 25 of the 42 years of this union. I can't leave at this point. I'm 65 -- people don't hire at this age even if I wanted to get a job outside the home. I needed the insurance -- now I have Medicare, but the cost of the medigap insurance is astronomical, plus the prescription coverage........I'd need to start robbing banks for a living LOL
Something will happen to let me work through this mess -- flying solo doesn't scare me in any other way except financially.
I have been tracking on the nutrition tracker on this site -- I did join MFP -- will have to get active on it, I think -- thanks for the suggestion.
My sanity isn't gone -- I still have a sense of humor and look for the silver linings............they are always there -- just have to dig sometimes!
Thanks for your words of wisdom -- harsh??? Not really -- fitting??? Most definitely LOL
((((((((((((((((( Hugs))))))))))))) I can imagine how hurtful that was for ya....
I think you need to find a few choice words to feed back to your husband when he is being a jerk... some that would shock the crap out of him & make him think thrice before opening up his gigantic pie hole just to release negativity
I think you need to find a few choice words to feed back to your husband when he is being a jerk... some that would shock the crap out of him & make him think thrice before opening up his gigantic pie hole just to release negativity
Thanks a bunch...........your phrasing just cracks me up -- eventually I'll find a way to "fix his little red wagon" -- just want to take my time to make it effective!
My sense of humor usually takes over and I can get through stuff -- just got scared today when I felt alone. This is a great place for support and I fully appreciate everyone's kindness.
My sense of humor usually takes over and I can get through stuff -- just got scared today when I felt alone. This is a great place for support and I fully appreciate everyone's kindness.
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