Lack of support from family and friends

For the most part, my family and friends around here are not supportive of me getting the sleeve surgery. They see me everyday, and they say I look "fine". They always react by telling me horror stories of people who have died on the operating table or from having lost too much weight.

However, my family and friends who don't live near me are very supportive. I have decided to keep this entire process a secret and see how it pans out. Has anyone else felt a lack of support from family and friends?

I have only chose to tell a few people, for the most part I don't need anyone knowing. This is for me, not them. Would you call everyone to tell them you bought a treadmill or started weigh****chers?? It is a provingly safe procedure so I don't need to say my last goodbyes.

It's your body, your choices......

In a word, yes.

Five years ago when I decided I wanted to get the VSG surgery, I told my mom. She freaked and spilled the beans to my grandpa. Then he started sending me diet books in the mail. Like 20 of them.

So this time around when I started making preparations to have my surgery, I didn't tell anyone in my family. I waited to tell a few friends until right before the surgery.

None of my family/friends are 150 lbs overweight. They don't know what it's like to walk in my shoes. Until they have done so, they have no right to judge. Only you know what is right for you. It would be great to have supportive people around you, but that is not everyone's reality.

I haven't come across anyone being unsupportive, though it did take my Mom and my mother-in-law a little while to warm up to the idea. They have no idea what it's like to like with 280 extra lbs, and so I decided to get really honest about some of the struggles that I face. That really slapped the supportiveness into them! LOL

I have only chosen to tell people that I knew would be supportive. I know that in time more people will find out and I will face some negative feedback; however, I just didn't need the aggravation. This is a big life altering thing, so why would I want to listen to negativity?

There is a very low death rate, so I find it funny that people always have a friend, who's cousin's, husband's, brother's, co-worker died on the table. Also, it's also very rare that I've heard of someone losing TOO much weight (although it can happen)... most of the time the negative nellies say that you are either taking the easy way out or that people always gain their weight back. I always find this funny... because if it were "easy" then how would it be possible to gain weight back? 

People can be really idiotic sometimes... I'd like to think it's out of concern, but that's not always the case!

You know I thought mine was like that mom,dad,boyfriend,sisters and come to find out my mom and dad want me to have it so maybe they will be more supportive !!!!!

It is very sad to go through ANYTHING MAJOR without great support from CLOSE family and close friends.  Having said that, I completely understand and hope you can find your support here on this site and through those who love you but happen to be far away...  Try to remember that those who tell you the horror-stories may not realize they are being un-supportive.  They may just worry about you because they care!!  You may want to try to explain to them what you really need them to say or do (or what they can share with others) in order to best support you.  I had to do that with my husband.  It was VERY difficult and a few times he'd forget and think he was "helping" and being "supportive" when he wasn't.  PM me if you want details and how I (THINK) believe I've fixed the sitch.  If that doesn't seem to work for you, then just don't tell them....  Lots of people have kept their surgeries private (from friends, family members or both) and it is do-able.  Sometimes even better in some ways.

As you probably already know, there are tons of studies that prove that it is nearly impossible to lose and keep the weight off without wls.  If you are educated about the risks and benefits of this surgery, you will be able to find and have all the support you need (just not necessarily from where you had hoped it would come)!!  Really!! Just read the stuff posted on OH and Verticle Sleeve Talk!!!

Best of happiness and success in whatever you choose to do!!

Lack of information = fear.  Fear of losing you, of you changing your personality, of you not needing them anymore.  Lots of people have a hard time with change; even good changes.  Don't be too hard on them - they don't know any other way to behave. Once you are a success story and they find that they haven't lost you, they'll come around.  

As many folks have already said - this journey is ours alone to make, and it's not always easy!  

When I need support I come here; to people that have a shared experience and goal.  Good luck!

I went through the SAME thing. In the end, I was doing this for ME, not them. There's a little quote that got me through all of it. See my signature below. Best of luck to you! :)

You know, I was going to keep it a secret until my mom said, have you ever thought about weight loss surgery. I told my close friends and family. To me it really didn't matter what they said, I was just giving them the courtesy of knowing. I'm thankful I have supportive people in my life, but this is my journey. I don't really care what they think because I need to get healthy for me. I think people can be so...thoughtless. It isn't about them...

I guess I have finally come around to the fact that this is MY journey. I've always put other people first. I let people talk me out of surgery for the last few years by letting them instill irrational fear in me. I think I need to try this, that I am as important as buying a  new UTV ,swimming pool, car or LASIK  surgery . I deserve to be able to spend this money on ME freely, to improve MY life. I have finally decided that I deserve to be healthier and live longer and that I have been UNSUCCESSFUL trying to do it for myself. Thanks everyone! You all are very brave and beautiful. :)