"Someday you will find me...caught beneath the landslide"...oh...that's...

OK. I'm here.

Had a great vacation last week. Hiked the mountains in NH like I wanted...fit in all the caves that I never fit in. Stayed on plan 110%. Came home with a weight loss even! Hit 169#!!!

But...Blah,Blah Blah. Doesn't really matter. It's all excuses. I got caught up in things...I felt it building...I did nothing about it. I didn't use my tools...I didn't come here. I kept up my workouts and as a matter of fact had the sweatiest most awesome work out tonight!. 30 min later I fell. I really fell. Sept 11 is one year...and for the first time since Sept 11 2012...I ate real carbs. I ate my danger foods.I didn't try to stop myself and I just fell in it. That was 90 min ago.

I'm right now reaching out of the hole and grabbing on and getting out. I'm done with it. Now comes the hard part. Not beating myself up. Yes, we just talked about this 2 weeks ago. I have major work to do, and I'm up for doing it. I am identifying what feelings I have been feeling that led me to tonight. I then will identify and put a plan in place to activate when these    feelings come up again so tonight doesn't become an "again".

CRAP

I'm scared. So scared. I will not let tonight doom me. I've fought too hard and come too far. I am not perfect and I need to accept myself for all that I am. I have to show myself that this will not break me... an build off THAT...instead of the defeat I feel right now.

It doesn't MATTER that I'm worried about having kids ready for school in time. It doesn't MATTER that I'm teetering on some really sucky medical concern. It doesn't MATTER that I can't keep up at work and right now am behind.

I am human and NOT perfect and I have to accept anxiety and worry as GOD gave it to me. I have to learn to not let myself be eaten alive by worry and turn to food for comfort. This is what happened. Where was my head tonight? Where did everything go??? I AM stronger than this. This is NOT OK...and I'll be damned if I'm going back to where I was before!!! NO WAY!!!

Deep breath Deb. This VERY second it's my decision...it always is. And I decide...I CHOOSE to LEARN from this. I will walk away from this STRONGER...not weaker.

I just have to wake up tomorrow with strength. Not defeat. I will hold my head high and move on from here with weapons and tools. And xanax!

Crap!! ( Deep breath)

BTW: I needed to post this here for myself. Be nice, be mean, be kind, be rude. I am you, and you are me. No one can beat me up more than I can myself...and no one can make me stronger. I have to do this myself. ( But it sure is great to share this journey with others...I talk big...but I need this team. OH is a strength and a tool for me...so here we go...)

Peace to you...and me.

~Deb

 

I see this as one little slip. If you were posting something like this every other week like I do, then I might let you have it, but this was one little slip. Reflect a bit on why you did it and make sure it was a conscious choice and not driven by stress or anxiety and if it was deal with what was causing it.

You will be fine. Probably see a bit of an extra loss from them.

Thank you for this post.  We are all human and we all have feelings like these.  Kudos to you for sharing and helping us all to acknowledge that we are all in this together and alone.  Reach out when you need to and be there when someone else needs you. This is why many of us come to OH and participate in the forums....SUPPORT, you can't beat it.

Thanks again!

Hugs!  You know what you need to do and I bet it's what you really want to do.  This was a bump in the road.  Observe what brought you to that place and imagine other ways you can handle it next time.  Everyone has to face this sooner or later. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

 

Kim

I am sending you giant hugs! I know you said you are not going to beat yourself up, but it sounds like you are beating yourself up. Look at all these wonderful things you mention you have accomplished (hiking, staying on plan during vacation, etc.). One slip-up does not cancel all those good things out, and it does not need to be the start of a landslide. You said it yourself: you are stronger than that. Be kind to yourself. Trust yourself. You'e got this.

If you need to talk, you can PM me and I will give you my number.  Hugs Deb.  You are me and I am you.  Breath in and out.  You are not supposed to be perfect, only human and learning the same lessons all of us need to learn.  This is an important part of your journey, this is not a mistake but a lesson.  You will get it, I am here if you need me, as close as your computer or your phone.  Hugs.

This is so important to hear and understand. This is a LESSON. I have heard you say this before and I'm really focusing on that. You did an entire thread on this recently and it really spoke to me. It's real and healthy and I really believe that I have been fearful of being where I am right now...but knowing that this can make me stronger...instead of weaker...feels right.

Thank You Thank You!!

( I sent that PM...heading to bed right now...but looking forward to getting in touch over next day or so)

Thank you for sharing. Yes it is your journey and you mistakes and your victories, but you are not alone OH is a team fighting the battle right along side of you. You may have lost this battle tonight but you did not lose the war, so pick yourself up dust yourself off and live to fight another day. You can do it!!!

Sending you positive thoughts and encouragement

Best wishes

Oh, and "I am you, and you are me" - this is brilliant and beautiful. Think of all the world problems that would be solved if more people adopted this philosophy.

AMEN!!!