I have been looking at this board for 7 months.  I was scheduled for surgery in July and canceled two weeks before surgery as I told myself "I can do this on my own."  Well, I can't and have figured that out many times even though I once lost over 130 pounds with diet and excercise. I just can't bring myself to have surgery, but know it is what I need at this point.  I am over 380 pounds and still in an out of control eating pattern.  I wake every day and tell myself this is the day that I am going to eat what I know I should be eating. By the time I go to bed, I am depressed as I have eaten way too much and junk that is not conducive to weight loss.  At this point,  I have legs that hurt and can hardly get up from a chair yet I continue to eat too much and can't wrap my mind around having surgery. I have good insurance that will pay all but about $700 for surgery so that is not an issue.  

You need to figure out what is holding you back. Is it fear? Fear if what? The surgery itself? The pain post op? The lifestyle changes? A fear if failure? Figuring out what is blocking you is important before you decide to have surgery or not. 

Maybe seeing a therapist would help?

Clearly you are not ready for WLS. That's OK! It really is. WLS is not for everyone. It is optional and it is a very big deal.

I would suggest you really work to explore your feelings around the surgery and your eating. Maybe some time working with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders would be a great benefit for you. Maybe that way you could figure out what is holding you back from having the surgery.

Are you able to articulate what it is about the surgery that you "cant wrap" your mind around? That might be a great place to start.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find much peace and success! It is awful to feel depressed and hopeless.

Let me start by saying I am a huge advocate of the VSG surgery. But I would like to be very clear in that the only thing the actual surgery does is force you to control your portion size. It doesn't do much else. Now that is a significant part of our battle but the rest, the how often you eat, the what you eat, how active you are, etc. is still up to you. So you are right in that you CAN do it your self, you will do it yourself. The surgery is just one tool in the many you will need to reach your ultimate goal. While you are contemplating the VSG surgery, spend some time educating yourself on diet and exercise. I don't mean the crap you get in the media either I mean really find out how a ketogenic diet works. Find out why you really need a balanced array of nutrition and not just the crp the Atkins diet book tells you about in the first 50 pages. You will come to understand why you are overweight and what you can really do to lose weight that isn't a gimmick. 

You also need to get a handle on why you are eating like you do. You said everything hurts yet you still eat. It's not logical and you know you need to o something but yet you don't. You had the surgery in your sights and jumped hip. I would suggest you spend ome time investigating what drives you to eat this way. 

Now all that being said, we can come up with a diet and exercise plan to get you pointed in the right direction. Some simple changes can make a big difference. In the mean time I would suggest using MyFitnessPal and/or their app to start tracking everything that goes in your mouth, both solid and liquid. I think you will be stunned what you find. Be religious about it for just one week and let us know what you find.

Have you considered some therapy to determine what your fear stems from or why your eating is out of control to begin with.  Having surgery isn't an easy fix...it's a lot of hard work, emotionally, mentally and physically.  When it's right for you...you will know it!!

I can relate to your story so much.  I was 383 pounds at my highest weight.  I kept trying to do it on my own, but I would inevitably break the diet and the weight would pile on unbelievably fast.  I could always lose weight with determination, but I couldn't keep it off. 

Last year, I took a good hard look and realized that my mobility was decreasing.  My knees and back were causing me pain.  I was becoming agoraphobic and I was facing a life of diminishing opportunity.  I had to do something.  I made the decision to have the weight loss surgery, and I never looked back.

I am so happy that I did.  I had surgery in May.  I lost 50 pounds before surgery and another 65 since.  My knee and back pain are gone.  I am down from a  5x to a 2x in clothing, and I feel so hopeful. 

I waited until I was in my 60's to have the surgery.  I wish I had done it sooner.  I know how it feels to carry that much weight and how much it limits us.  Weight loss surgery is the only successful treatment for obesity.  You deserve to feel better and be healthier.

One other thought. When you talk of waking up with the best intentions and then eating poorly as the day goes on, it reminds me of my own struggles for so many years.   I find that my cravings for food are triggered by carbohydrates.  If I eat a really low carb diet, my cravings diminish and I can stick to a diet.  You might try low carbing it for a week or two and see if it helps you with your cravings.  The first few days are a real test of will, but after that, it gets much easier.  

Best of luck with your weight loss decision.  I hope you will give serious consideration.   I think you may be as successful and happy as I have been.

best wishes,

Carol

Since you are frustrated and obviously entertaining WLS, and have good insurance, explore local Bariatric Surgery Centers of Excellence. Go to one of their informational seminars to learn more (they usually have these seminars 2-4 times per month.). Those programs have Surgeons, Education Nurses, Dieticians, Physical Therapists, and Psychologists. Interview with them. Begin following their advice. The Psychologist can recommend further counseling if you need or want it.

I was so frustrated and at wit's end that I just made a phone call, went to a seminar, and began the process that eventually transformed my life. A little faith? Yes, but I knew I wanted no more of how I had been living.

Tom

You really do need to be ready for the surgery and for the very necessary self-care afterward of eating appropriate foods in appropriate quantities and taking in your necessary vitamins and fluids. The sleeve is a potent tool which can assist you.

I became really ready the day my doctor looked me straight in the eye in June 2012 and said, "Your get-out-of-diabetes-and-heart-disease-free cards are expiring.  The benefits you got from your parents' healthy genes are running out.  You need to do something before it's too late." 

I heard that.  Becoming increasingly immobile and increasingly withdrawn from my life and my family didn't smack enough sense into me, sadly, but that did.

I had once lost 113.5 pounds through diet and exercise alone, but that was about 25 years prior, and I had regained it all plus over 50 pounds extra.  By June 2012 I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from several relentless years of stressful and tragic events in my life.  The fight had gone out of me, and I knew I needed this new tool of a sleeve if I had any hope of sticking around on this earth to care for my family and avoid saddling them with the sadness and confusion of my untimely and avoidable early demise.

I did my research, passed my preop tests, miraculously, and overcame my fear of surgery and anesthesia.

Then, as you did, at about one week preop I figured, oh, hell, I can just stay on this preop diet until I lose the excess weight -- who needs surgery?  Well, I needed the surgery.  I didn't cancel, went through with it, and have never looked back.

Yes, as others have said, PLEASE investigate the reason(s) why you can't bring yourself to have this surgery, or PLEASE see if there is another viable, doable avenue of weight loss for you, something highly structured where your chances of dropping out of it are small.  You are worth it. 

 

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. I started looking into surgery about 4 years. Even just reading about it "freaked me out". I have revisited it every year after that. I got a scare this spring after getting some test results that show the weight is affecting my health. I looked at surgery again. It didn't freak me out as bad. I had tried everything that I could and continued to gain weight. I have done some counseling over the last few years and have some people around me who challenge my thinking! I met some one who had bypass a few years ago. I determined what my fears were and talked to her. I went to the information session and then had my consult. I have started the pre-op first phase of changing my eating. I set a small goal each week to change my habits. I realized that this process is a series of small steps not jumping off a cliff. I know now that the sleeve will help me with my portion size. The rest is up to me! I do like eating healthy options but my emotions often drive other choices! I decided that I am having surgery because I love my neices and nephew more than the food! I want to be around for them as long as I can be! I also want my body to match my mind and attitude. Doing what I was doing was not fitting that goal.

I remember talking to a friend of mine. They were talking about quitting smoking. They shared with me that they didnt want anyone else to know because they were afraid of failing.(wow, could I understand that) I said to them 'If you are driving somewhere and happen to take the wrong exit, do you continue to travel in that wrong direction, or turn around and get back on the right path?". They said just turn around and get back on the right path. I have my pre-op navigation system setup whi*****ludes support groups and the team at my Weight Loss center. I gave up the concept that I can do this myself. Doing it myself has me carrying this weight. I fired myself the night that I went to the information session!  

Remember we are all our destinations are the same but our journeys are different. We can either learn from our experiences or beat ourselves up over it! I used to beat myself up and a few weeks ago I decided to learn from my experiences (that includes good, bad and ugly ones!) Take one small step to start YOUR journey today.   We are all here to support you!