I Did a Bad Thing

For the first time since surgery really...I ate emotionally.

Since the home invasion, I've been struggling with some fear and anxiety, as well as feeling invalidated by people in my life. 

"Get over it," they say. I realize I have to get over it, and I am...slowly. But we are still under a threat, and I'm sorry, turns out I'm human, and am struggling. In addition to it, I feel I have little control right now. I live with a married older couple. They are dear friends, and we all went through the invasion together. But they are wealthy...and have been able to replace their items that were stolen (phones, computers, car, etc...) and I can't afford to do so until they put in the insurance claim. I have zero control over when they do that. 

We have 24/7 armed guards here at the house now because of the threat. One guard every 12 hours. I caught one sleeping at night a few weeks back...he's not been back. Tonight, it's only 10:30 my time, I walked out and caught the guy tonight nodding off! Yes, I feel terribly safe with a guy with a gun who is here to protect us falling asleep. Grrrrr...

So this stuff....coupled with the fact that I just started seeing a man whom I think may be the "one" ( nice as it is, it's a bit stressful just now)...ramped up my anxiety. I had a lovely dinner of wild salmon and roast asparagus. Then I made baked eggs for tomorrow using the leftover asparagus. But while I was waiting for the oven, I had a palm of nuts...and nibbled on Parmesan. UGH!

i don't think it will derail me...but the fact I engaged in the behavior bothers me. Need to get it under control before it becomes and issue...or a pattern.

Just needed to vent guys...thanks :-)

Oh my gosh sweetie. Give yourself a break. You didn't seem to eat anything that was bad for you so no harm there. Just be mindful next time you feel that way and take a little walk or a shower or do something physical. We all have to cut ourselves some slack. If you really think it is becoming an issue or continues make an appointment with a counselor to help you discover more tools to deal with your stress. You're fine. Give yourself a break. 

Blessings, 

Pam

Thank you for your kind words! Feeling some better today about it. :)

So sorry for the stress.  How horrible for you!

As for the eating, it's so great that you see it for what it is.  That in itself is a big success.  So own it, log it, and move on.  You're not going to derail...you're just too self-aware.  Take care.

Thank you..and you're right! Doing much better today :-)

You can't beat yourself up over it. It happened, learn from it, log it, assess for what you can do differently next time you're feeling that way, then move on. If you eat because you're stressed, then you stress because you ate, you're creating a cycle that will spiral out of control. Yes, it's important to acknowledge your mistake, but then you need to let it go so you don't stress yourself out even more. You have too much on your emotional plate already. Forgive yourself! 

So true! Thank you so much!

Tell people who tell you to "get over it" to get over themselves!  You've been through a horrible trauma, and probably suffering from PTSD to boot.  You know, many places will pay for counseling after a crime (I think it's part of a crime victims fund) to help you move on.  If you haven't already, you might check into it.  It would be horrible if you let the bad guys win and allow their violence to affect the rest of your life.

As for the food, let me ask you this: if this had happened to you before WLS and before you educated yourself on nutrition, what would you have eaten instead?  My guess is that you already made a much better choice, which tells me that you're way stronger and healthier than you give yourself credit for.  

BTW, you can come cook for me any day - your meals sound delish!

I think under the cir****tances you are doing wonderful.  However, I would probably be sleeping with a large handgun under my pillow if it were me.  I realize you may not be comfortable with that, but it's a thought.  I will say a prayer for you that the Lord will send his angels to watch over you.  God bless you.

My advice is to not dwell on it or to be too hard on yourself. I am not saying you should not scold yourself but also don't make a big deal about it and move on, get back to what you know you should do. Realize and own that it is still an issue (and probably always will be) and find another way to deal with the emotional aspects of life like exercise, kicking the dog (that's a joke I love dogs), beat your boyfriend up, punch the wall, throw eggs at the neighbor (I am starting to think I may have some anger issues here). You get my point. Find another way to release the tension and anxiety that drives you to food.

I have had a couple of these episodes in the past year. They are always a surprise when they occur, but they happen. We are human.