I'm still pre op but it seems that I fear failure the most. I've lost "20" pounds already but I'm stuck gaining and losing 3 pounds over and over! I have come a long way, I used to be a night binge eater and I've been "sober" for 2 years. I still however love fast food thats my biggest downfall. I love junky food, and its not necessarily that I eat 2-3 serving of everything but one serving is bad! In 3 weeks I've had fast food 3 times and I'm happy but dear god I just wanna give up and buy myself a fast food burger. My cooking is good, but I just want fast food, what the hell do they put in that thing I swear its addicting. Its like a fight everyday to stay away and just try to be better. I pray, wish and hope that after I get my VSG it'll become easier. I also fear failure I fear it so much its ridiculous. I think of it everyday :/..

I had the exact same fears and I still have them sometimes.  I would recommend finding a good therapist now.  Therapy has been a life saver for me.  I still have fear, but now I have tools to deal with the fear.  Before I had surgery, I ate out most of the time.  McDonalds had me at least 3 times a week.  I would go through a 12 pack of soda in ~ 36 hours.  I was terrified that my cravings would sabotage me and I would be a failure even after surgery.

I'm not perfect and I am certainly not a veteran here.  But I am doing pretty well so far and I know that at least part of my success has been due to my mental preparation.

Edited to add:  I think it is crack and fairy dust that they add to fast food.  It must be!!

My fast-food fix was pizza or tacos.  Oh man!  they just were so good.  My pre-op program includes a low carb diet - basically Atkins.  After two weeks I have no cravings for carbs or sugars and it's been more than 2 months now.  It's no longer hard to skip bread and pasta, and danish or bagels no longer call my name.  I found making several short time goals - 5 days at a time - worked really well.

Today I say "I'm not having that right now" and it has become a frequent statement and I'm really OK with it.

As for therapy, please consider.   I would encourage to you to take advantage of any and all avenues of education, learning and new-habit formation.  Good Luck!

I fear failure because I didn't do well with the lap band in 2005. I told everyone about the WLS I was having in Mexico and when I stalled out after 30lbs of weight loss I was judged and that was difficult on top of how I was feeling. I now know that I'm not alone. That the band wasn't a good weight loss tool for many people. You could eat a cup cake but not a piece of chicken. Now that I'm just a few weeks away from a revision to the sleeve, I can't decide if I should tell people or not and I think I'll just keep it between me, 3 family members, and my best friend for now. If I'm successful in losing weight this time, I may eventually tell people that I had to have a revision b/c of damage the band did to my stomach. IDK, I debate what to do in my mind frequently b/c of that fear of failure. I just finished reading a really good book I downloaded to my Kindle called "The Emotional First Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery" by Cynthia Alexander. This book focuses on the mental aspect of weight loss post surgery. I watched a video blog on YouTube where this book was recommended for those who are emotional eaters. In this book, the author describes that this fear of failure is normal. She offers several tips and activities in the book to help prepare yourself for certain situations that can come up after WLS. I wish I'd had this available to me prior to my surgery in 2005. If a councelor isn't in your budget, this might be a good place to begin making preparations for the mental battle.

Hi Tanya. I've always feared failure. It's really held me paralyzed most of my life. But I'm taking this opportunity to move out of that part of my life and into a new open one. I'm a total soda addict. My pre-op diet starts in about a month but I'm starting my habits now. So that it doesn't seem so overwhelming. I like what my dad has to say, "The first step is the hardest and every step after is just one at a time." We'll get there. 

After surgery, my cravings for fast food were more manageable. I still think fondly of pizza and super-large burgers and all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets. (sigh) but I don't feel driven to eat that stuff like I was before surgery.

I am also careful to keep my carb consumption really low, because if I eat carbs, its all over for me.  I had terrible fears of failure before surgery, but now I'm confident that I can stick to the program and lose the weight.  I do have some fears about switching to maintenance and blowing it because I lose control. 

But the weight loss surgery really works.  Its not easy but its doable!

best of luck,

Carol

All the time before surgery (because I was failing).  And about 3 times per month after surgery (especially when it is my TOM). I get scared when I see the scale stuck at the same weight for a week or two.

About your cravings. Have a food funeral and bury them.  Mourn their loss and move on.  Believe it or not, the preop and post op diets may rest you and you may not have the "taste for them" you once had.  It happened to me!  And once I started to see big and consistent losses on the scale, I didnt want to go near the poison again because I knew what sort of slippery slope it was. Why would I want to derail myself and give myself my addiction back.

Sometimes I crave it, but I realize the craving is only 20 minutes and I will do something to distract myself to get through it (like watch TRUBLOOD.  Now there is a crew with some real cravings).

Lots of folks have that fear of failure.  I'm doing everything my Doc says & personally know a few folks that have had VSG didn't follow the eating plan given to them & started to gain back what they lost; that's initiative to me to stick to the plan.  Low carb eating, healthy fats, exercise at least 4-5 days a week...eat healthy no more junky junk...I was formerly addicted to McDoubles & even though back then I would take the top bun off I still got huge almost 300 pounds by eating burgers, pizza, greasy fried fish & fried chicken.  I ate what my skinny family was eating wasn't active like them & kept on gaining.  After surgery a lot A LOT of the cravings you have will diminish.  You'll be eating so much protein rich foods that their won't be room for junk & you won't miss it.  You might miss some things later on but you will be feeling much better you will probably pass.  Get a therapist, log what you eat & best wishes with your surgery.  Congratulations on the great accomplishment of already losing 20 pounds.  I think the fear of failure is natural I still have it about once a week.  The surgery will be a success if you eat healthy afterwards.

I fear failure all the time. I use it to keep my head in the game and stay on track and make wise choices. I am close to two years post op now and I can eat a whole lot more than at the beginning. I can also eat every hour. I can consume what I used to consume, if I wanted to. The fear of failure, which is really the fear of regaining, having lost the weight now, is something that is a very powerful motivator for me personally. So I see it as a somewhat positive element in my journey. The other one is fear that I'll ruin my beautiful plastics job! So while it is still not easy to walk away from certain things, these two elements keep me accountable and on track most of the time. The scale is the other one that I am religious about - every single day at the same time pretty much. If I see even a one pound fluctuation in the wrong direction I take measures right away. And last but not least, although I am in maintenance pretty much for the last year, I still have this dream of getting to 120 some time in the near future so I am not resting on my laurels and while I am so very happy with what I have accomplished and my health and all that, I am still looking forward and keeping the mindfulness that I have cultivated during the weight loss phase. Use all the tricks and tools in the book and invent some for yourself. Fear can be channeled positively. Best of luck!!!

Hi Tanya,

Failure is in the back of mind as well.  I lost 90 pounds a few years ago on a medical weight loss.  I maintained it for about two years, then life interfered:  lost a co-worker, my dog, my dad, and then an uncle.  I comforted myself with food, and before I knew it, I gained 120 pounds.

I am scheduled to be sleeved on October 16.  I have the support of most of my family, except for my sister.  Her and I usually don't have a great relationship to begin with, but for some reason, having her support was important to me.  Well, when the "plan" was announced, it got ugly...fast.   She told me that I will fail and that there will be no support.  I disagree with your decision because I don't understand why you can't lose weight like a normal person (minus two pregnancies, she never had a fat day in her entire life).  Trying to explain that I am not wired like a normal person didn't accomplish anything, neither did the laundry list of health problems.

That being said, surround your self with a support network, those that may influence you negatively, keep them out of the process.  

I have a friend that was sleeved in January, and he uses a perfect analogy, post surgery you have the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, so while he is afraid of a slip up (he has lost 120 pounds so far) he ignores the devil.

It is going to be a fight everyday, it is a lifestyle change, and it isn't going to be an easy change.  For me, Taco Bell gives me cravings when I know that the food is less than stellar.  I understand what you mean about being "addicted" to fast food.  I am 8 weeks from surgery and I am starting to make the changes that are needed post op.  

Good luck to you!