Some Things REALLY Take Some Getting Used To...

I'd have never guessed that you used to be obese! ...WOW! You've lost how much?? ...There's no way you were ever big enough to need WLS...

...You're really pretty.

That last one was from my precious boyfriend just a few days ago :) Some comments are taking a REALLY long time to get used to. I've been holding at "goal" ("normal" BMI) for a few months now and am debating whether or not I want to continue losing (I like having SOME curves, and I don't want my breasts to flatten out or my ass to sag any more than their current respective states).

It's such a mind trip to be looked at like that. It's weird to be lumped into the thin/pretty/attractive crowd. I had gotten pretty comfortable being in the smart/funny/invisible crowd over the last several years and I don't know how I feel about being jerked out of it!

Example: I was crossing the street yesterday and THREE guys turned to look at me. I'm not bragging (not at all!). The truth of the matter is that getting "looks" makes me uncomfortable after having been relatively invisible for so long. It kind of reminds me when I would get the other kind of stares at my HW (poor thing, look how fat she is) Honestly, I'm a little nervous of any sort of positive attention when it comes to my looks... I've even found myself deflecting with jokes when my guy compliments me. 

I'm rambling... Sorry, guys. Grad school is frying my brain.

Can any of you relate? It's nice to be thin, and I do think that I'm attractive currently, but it's still so STRANGE to hear it from other people. How did you learn how to accept compliments on your physical attractiveness without feelings of bitterness/annoyance/general squick?

Happy Monday, VSGers. Hope you're all doing fantastically :)

I can relate.  I got thinner (although not THIS thin) at a couple different points in my life when I was much younger...and I didn't handle it well at all.  I was very uncomfortable with the attention and the comments and alternately let it go to my head or laughed it off/pushed it away like I didn't deserve the attention.   

Now, at my advanced age of 52 , I am truly in "yes-I-look-good-and-don't-give-a-****what-you-think-or-not" mode.  Do I notice the looks from other men?  Sure I do and I always say to myself "it's nice to be noticed" and let it go at that.  Men look at women, ALL women, it doesn't make me any more special or pretty than the next one they look at.  

When I get compliments I've learned to smile and say "thanks" without discounting it or explaining all the work it's taken to get here...cuz most people don't want to hear that either.    

You'll be more comfortable with all of this the longer you maintain a healthy weight.  Getting the inside to match the outside takes a whole lot longer than it did to change the outside, believe it or not :-)  

Yeah, being oggled is a pain. My shrink says that sometimes women gain weight as a way to desexualize themselves and stop being objectified. If only we could all learn to treat each other with respect, sigh.  I don't think men realize that cat calling and looking women up and down is intimidating and creepy and can make us uncomfortable. Or if they do then they're just jerks, lol.

The other thing I know people experience (and I've had a bit of this thus far) is getting angry that you are now being treated differently now that you are "more attractive." What was wrong with you as a person when you were obese? People listen more intently and take me more seriously since I've lost weight, and while that's wonderful it also makes me mad.

When you figure this out let me know.  

I definitely do not have the self esteem to match my looks.  The looks / notes feel good, but it is odd.

If someone is looking I haven't noticed.  My self esteem is at an all time low (oddly so is my weight lol).  I feel like a stranger in a strange land.  It's Freaky Friday and I got the mom's body!  I know I just need time but sheesh I had no clue it would be like this.

And if one more person tells me I'm too thin I'm kicking them in their shin!

Yep.  It's hard.  I had a woman I work with say the same thing.  She met me about 40 lbs ago so of course she has noticed I've lost weight.  But her reaction when I said how much was exactly as you described.  It was sort of funny. 

The attention from men, to me, is very disconcerting.  If it's happy and respectful then it's one thing.  But hearing words like "hot" and "smokin'",etc are insulting.  They objectify, not compliment, and they (along w/ the looks) ARE intimidating and uncomfortable just as Greensleeved said.  it's wrong.  We need to raise our children better.  We need to expect better.  We have to speak up for ourselves and that's not easy when we've spent so many years trying to go unnoticed (at least, for me).  But, now I do say things when they go to far. 

I feel ya, sister!  And I'm not near my goal weight yet, but considerably smaller than I was at my heaviest--which is what most folks who know me IRL remember me looking like.

I don't know that I will ever get used to being told that I look good.  It's a huge mindf*ck, isn't it?  For me, it's not uncomfortable, but I don't want to get to a point where I get really vain about how I look, ya know?  It is just hard hearing over and over again that you look good when for so long, no one would ever pay attention or give you the time of day, ya know?

I hope this gets easier for both of us!