Need to Vent - Sorry

Hi Everyone,

I haven't written in a long time, though I am on this site many times throughtout the day.  I am 5-1/2 years out from having VSG staring weight was 267 lbs lost 117 lbs lowest weight was 145 lbs.  In the last 2 years I have gained 40 lbs and am so scared this weight is going up and up.  I know it's all my own fault, eating all the wrong things a lot of carbs, sweets I have no one to blame but myself.  I know how to work around my sleeve which is a bad thing.  If I am eating something that I know I shouldn't and also know that it will bother my sleeve I just take my time in eating it can take 45 minutes to an hour but I will get it down and cursing myself for eating it the whole time.  I know what I have to do, I just cannot keep my mind in the right direction and it's killing me that I am gaining all this weight. 

I've had a few surgeries since having my VSG - breast cancer surgery, kidney surgery, 3 foot surgeries, and my gallbladder removed but these are not excuse for me eating the wrong foods. 

Sorry for venting I just feel so depressed and angry with myself for gaining this weight seeing where I was before and where I am now.  And on top of all this my nephew is getting married in St. Thomas in June and I don' want to be this fat blob at his wedding!! UGH!!!!

So once again I started my day off in the right direction and am making every effort to stick with this.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

Toni

Are you seeing a therapist?  If you aren't, that would be a good step in the right direction.  As you know, the surgery does nothing for our brains and mental habits - therapy can really help with that.  

Hi Toni - you've had to deal with a lot in the last few years!  I would encourage you to be gentle with yourself.  Not gentle as in "soothe yourself with food", but gentle as in looking at what's happened as a true learning experience and vow to make better choices.  

You're a lot further out than me but I know for certain that your story could be my story if I don't keep things in check.  I have veered far away from any semblance of perfect too many times to count.  What's important is that I know what I have to do in order to get things back in line.  And for me it's more than just what I put in my mouth. 

I have to log my food diligently - not only log it but pre-plan it and log it the night before so I'm sure to get the right amount of calories/carbs/protein.  I can't leave things up to chance or "hmmm, I think I'll eat this today".  Nope, I have to PLAN. 

I make appts with my eating disorder therapist when I feel like I've gone totally off the rails.  And I continue to attend weekly OA meetings - they remind me that I'm not a "normal" eater and never will be.  The mental obsession and compulsion to eat crap can sneak up on me at any time...and has!  

Exercise is also an important tool for me - but not for losing weight.  Exercise is a big stress reducer and helps me move off all the negative energy that builds up during the day at my sit-on-my-ass job.  I have lots of anxiety and will eat over any tiny little thing so exercise is really important for me in that regard.  

Best of luck on getting back to basics!  Please come here often for encouragement 

I definitely agree that a therapist would be a good idea. You know what you need to change food-wise, but you are clearly sabotaging your goals.  It might be helpful to find out why you are doing this.  You need to allow love and support in your life, especially from yourself.

Hang in there and take the steps to take care of yourself.  You are worth it!

I am eight years out and have had regain several times.  The only thing that works for me is counting calories.  I have to stay at 900 a day to lose a pound a week.  And to be honest to lose the weight those 900 calories could be from a bag of jelly beans.

If you multiply your current weight by 10 that is what you need to survive.  Then subtract 500 from that to lose a pound a week.  If you start today you can be back at your low weight by your wedding.

At least you recognize the problem. Now that you've admitted it to yourself hopefully it will be easier to do what you need to do. I've gained 8 lbs in the last few weeks and it scares me. Today is get back on track day for me too!

I'm still preop but I can see myself in your position one day so I totally understand where you are coming from!! I have lost large amounts of weight over the years only to gain them back every time! This surgery is the ultimate tool so im praying this time will be different!  The people on here offer some great advice!!! I hope you can get back on track and lose and then  maintain! Good luck to you!!! Take care! 

While you have been at this for a while and I am at just the start of my journey here, I would think resuming the steps that you did as you started solid foods after surgery and go from there. Purge your house of stuff you shouldn't be eating and just remember, the only easy day was yesterday. Just hang in there.